Nostalgia

**** NOSTALGIC MEMORIES****


Close your eyes...And go back...
.Before the Internet or PC or the MAC......
....Before semi-automatics and crack....
.Before Play station, SEGA, Super Nintendo, even before Atari...
....Before cell phones, CD's, DVD's, voicemail and e-mail....
....way back....
....way.....way.....way back.....

I'm talkin' bout hide and seek at dusk
Red light, Green light
Red Rover....Red Rover.....
Playing kickball & dodge ball until the
first...no...second...no...third
streetlight came on

Ring around the Rosie
London Bridge
Hot potato
Hop Scotch
Jump rope
Duck....duck....GOOSE!!!
YOU'RE IT!!
Parents stood on the front porch and yelled (or whistled) for you
to come home -

no pagers or cell phones

Mother May I?
Hula Hoops
Seeing shapes in the clouds
Endless summer days and hot summer nights (no A/C) with the windows open
The sound of crickets
Running through the sprinkler
Happy Meals
Cereal boxes with that GREAT prize in the bottom
Cracker jacks with the same thing
Ice pops with 2 sticks you could break and share with a friend

...but wait.....there's more....

Watchin' Saturday Morning cartoons
Fat Albert, Road Runner, Smurfs, Picture Pages, G-Force & He-Man,
Schoolhouse Rock Watchin' Sunday morning oldies (Abbott & Costello, Three Stooges) Wonder Woman & Super Man Underoos
FONZIE.....AYYYYYYYY
Playing Dukes of Hazard
Catchin' lightning bugs in a jar
Christmas morning
Your first day of school
Bedtime Prayers and Goodnight Kisses
Climbing trees
Swinging as high as you could to try and reach the sky
Getting an Ice Cream off the Good Humor Truck
A million mosquito bites and sticky fingers
Jumpin' down the steps
Jumpin' on the bed
Pillow fights
Sleep overs
A 13" black and white TV in your room meant you were RICH
Runnin' till you were out of breath
Laughing so hard that your stomach hurt
Being tired from PLAYING
WORK: meant taking out the garbage or doing the dishes
Your first crush
Your first kiss (I mean the one that you kept your mouth CLOSED and your eyes OPEN)

Rainy days at school meant playing "Heads up 7UP" or
"hangman"
in the classroom, Remember that?

Oh, I'm not finished yet....

Kool-Aid was the drink of the summer
So was a swig from the hose
Giving your friends a ride on your handlebars
Wearing your new shoes on the first day of school
Class Field Trips with soggy sandwiches
When nearly everyone's mom was at home when the kids got there.
When a quarter seemed like a fair allowance, and another quarter a
MIRACLE When ANY parent could discipline ANY kid, or feed him, or use him to carry Groceries... And nobody, not even the kid, thought a thing of it.

When your parents took you to McDonalds and you were COOL
When being sent to the principal's office was nothing compared to the fate that awaited you at home.

Basically, we were in fear for our lives but it wasn't because of drive by shootings, drugs, gangs, etc. Our parents and grandparents were a much bigger threat! And some of us are still afraid of em!

Didn't that feel good? Just to go back and say, "Yeah, I remember that!"
Well, let's keep going!!
Let's go back to the time when...

Decisions were made by going "eeny-meeny-miney-mo"
Mistakes were corrected by simply exclaiming, "do over!"
"Race issues" meant arguing about who ran the fastest.
Money issues were handled by whoever was the banker in "monopoly"
Catching fireflies could happily occupy an entire evening
It wasn't odd to have two or three "best" friends.
Being old, referred to anyone over 20. (CRAP! I'm officially old!)


The worst thing you could catch from the opposite sex was cooties.
Nobody was prettier than Mom
Scrapes and bruises were kissed by mom or grandma and made better
It was a big deal to finally be tall enough to ride the "big people" rides at the amusement park.

Getting a foot of snow was a dream come true.
Abilities were discoverd because of a "double-dog-dare"
Spinning around, getting dizzy and falling down was cause for giggles.
The worst embarrassment was being picked last for a team.
Water balloons were the ultimate, ultimate weapon.
Older siblings were your worst tormentors, but also your fiercest protector

If you can remember most or all of these, then you have LIVED!!!
Pass this on to anyone who may need a break from their "grown up" life......

I DOUBLE DOG DARE YA!!!!!!



"And all things you ask in prayer, believing, you shall receive." Matthew 21:22

Funny; my kids at 14 and 11 MUST let me know which of their friends have cell phones. Like I care, I think to myself. I'm sure if we budgeted, we could afford them the phones. But it's not the point. Really. To me, right now, I don't believe they are a necessity for them. They are not out of my arms reach for any real stretch of time. Nor are they too far from a phone, you know, the type where they'd need to deposit an actual coin. Dare I make them. Abusive arent' I?? They always manage to make the call they need to, whether from a friend's home, or from the school phone etc. Yes, the school does allow for the children to call home. Amazing isn't it!

We also do not own those fun and yet brainless (ok, this is my page and opinion) systems like XBox, and the rest of them. They seem to do quite well without them. Seriously. They enjoy, like we did, running outside with the other kids, and building forts out back in the woods. Mind you, the "woods" is the line of trees butted from my yard to the neighbors yard, and we can all clearly see the kids and hear them. So there is no danger involved, thankfully. But they are using - get this - their BRAINS!! And their hands, and their legs. Running, playing and having fun. outside. All of them. From ages 6 - 14. Sometimes the six year old comes home crying because he gets left out, but that's all a part of it.

The neighborhood behind us is a cul-de-sac; and we live on a busy street, so this is the ideal situation for play for all adults. For the kids involved. Ok, NOT the busy street!! Between us, is the hill, in which they get to sled on when we have snow. Like today. It's not too big, but when we Mom's and Dad's don't really want to go up the road to the big hill, it's perfect. All of the kids can meet out back, and sled.

When we first bought the house, the kids were a little bummed. We were in the ideal neighborhood! Safe, fun, family-filled stereo-typed place. They could pretty much come and go as they pleased. Everyone looked out for each other. We came here, to a busy street, knowing no kids. Boom! Little by little, the fun began. They each have someone to play with. Still, I'll never let my gaurd down completely; it is, afterall, an unsafe world we live in. Children don't go home to their parents, unfortunately. People have cruel and evil intentions.

If we go a minute longer than necessary without hearing from our children, we just freak out. If they hide better than they should, or play where they shouldn't, without letting us know, something takes over us. Something primal. Like instinct. We see red. Dare anyone who intends harm to them near us at that moment. When we find them, thanfully, unharmed and they are trying to explain themselves; we do not hear them. We are just moving fast and furious to the place of safety. For the primal mode has been violated. They are too young to understand that part of it.

And this is really where I was going with my statement today: I was watching good old GMA this morning, and this jerk Psychologist was deciding what a great (right) idea it would be to ban spanking! OK. And make it a LAW, of course, to throw parent spankers in jail, and call them, oh yeah, now I'm getting boiled - abusive!! Now, I'm becoming primal in a whole new way.

Spare the rod, spoil the child!! Let's take a little walk down memory lane, shall we?! Can we just look at the last generation and see where we're going before we make this a freaking law!! What are these idiots thinking? I mean, yes, I believe there are people who do NOT understand the difference between a spank and all out abuse, but now we as parents are going to be seen as oh, what?? just wondering......

I came from a generation of spanking. As a matter of fact, I can remember getting off the school bus, going to the principal's office and getting a good old fashioned 'rod of correction' applied to the 'seat of learning' for causing a scene. I didn't want to go. To school. I think it was first grade. The principal's office was nothing compared to the fear that awaited at home. I do remember as the day went on, my fate. My father, and the sound of his belt. That sound alone, would straighten me. I remember him saying, "This is going to hurt me more than it's going to hurt you." I surely didn't understand what those words meant.

Until I applied the "Rod of Correction" myself to the "Seat of Learning" to my own children. I never used a belt, like my father did. But I did actually have a rod. Marisa laughs as she remembers the rod. I'd probably land my butt in jail now. But amazingly, so far, she hasn't. Could it be, that it's because I applied a little direction? Perhaps. Or because it wasn't used in a fit of anger and/or rage. But in stern and loving discipline. Someone please call child services!

I see the differences in my friend's children; those that do and do not use the rod. What a difference in who runs the house. And the future of who will run our nation. Now that is what scares me. An undisciplined generation, who cannot control themselves. Who willfully control their parents, teachers, and society. Aahhhh, Generation Next. You be the judge.

As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord, and we will use the rod of correction when needed. With love, not anger. So there you have it.

Anyone for Kick-the-can??

OOOOHH OOHH Another Meme!!!!

Call me crazy, but I love these things! While visiting Jennine , I came across this Meme. Go ahead, do it. If for anything else, just give a little bit of yourself to the rest of us. I mean, this is what we're doing anyway! Exposing ourselves into the massive blogosphere to the unknown weirdo's right. Wow, scary when you put it that way.

I impressed myself with the "copy and paste" method!!!! (thanks Jennine!) Maybe I'm not as stupid iliterate (look, I did it again!) as I thought.

Ok, here goes



. Elaborate on your default icon. Ummm,??? What??

2. What’s your current relationship status? Frank, my husband
.
3. Ever have a near-death experience? Oh, yeah!

4. Name an obvious quality you have. Nope! Then everyone will be on to it.
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5. What’s the name of the song that’s stuck in your head right now? Grey Street - Dave Matthews Band
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6. Name a celebrity you would marry. Not a chance. They don't last. I'm too high-maintenance anyway
7. Who will cut and paste this meme first? Harmonica Man (fingers crossed)
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8. Has anyone ever said you look like a celebrity? Frank says I look like Elaine from Seinfeld, but I don't see it ; although, I do have the push-and shove thing down.


9. Do you wear a watch? What kind? No, I have a cell phone for this

10. Do you have anything pierced? Ears, naval

11. Do you have any tattoos? lower back; mama frog over-looking 4 tadpoles, representing my babies

12. Do you like pain? very stupid question! I have an incredibly low-tolerance of pain; and a very short list of pain meds I can take. Sucks, considering the Migraine problem, huh!

13. Do you like to shop? HATE! HATE! HATE! HATE!!! I absolutely love a huge bag of hand-me-downs over going shopping ANY day! Ask anyone who knows me, or who has ever dropped me a bag.
.
14. What was the last thing you paid for with cash? Does that include check?? Then that would be Nick's warm and fuzzy flannel sheets at the Mother station yesterday. TARGET!!!! does anyone else sense it calling???????

15. What was the last thing you paid for with your credit card? home depot!!! Not the actual place, but merchandise AT the place. you know, lamp, flashlight. Stuff. I loathe shopping.
16. Who was the last person you spoke to on the phone? Frank, he called to wake me up, and then to see how I was feeling.
17. What is on your desktop background? American Bald Eagle, with American flag and USMC logo. Not too patriotic.
18. What is the background on your cell phone? little guitar, and John 3:16
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19. What was the last movie you watched?In it’s entirety? Phantom of the Opera with Nick and Vanessa
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20. What was the last book you read? Birds of Prey, Nick brought it home from the library yesterday.

That's it??? That's the end of the questions??? Yes. Time to add more. I think I actually might have even hyperlinked up there! If not, I'm sorry for the mistake! But I tried. The last computer class I took was in the 80's OK!! Remember dotmatrix?? whoa.

On another note, it's snowing today! It is actually very beautiful and picturesque out there. I need to go to the dreaded grocery store. Oh, and the pet store to get poor Hyrup a new bulb. He's freezing his scales off. We are going to get sidetracked to Petsmart. We've never been. I can't wait. Although I do hate shopping, I don't mind getting sidetracked.

Sidetracked. Again.

Well, I needed to go to the big pretty store anyway. You know the one; large bullseye over the front door, beckoning your name, if you haven't been there since before the giant Elf himself shopped for the kiddies. I think it secretly calls me in my sleep. Hey, maybe that is what the flashing was I saw lastnight.

I'm beginning to take a new angle on this whole aura thing. Maybe it's really subliminal. Maybe it's put there by say, NOT big pharma, but by big banka. Ya know. hey, somebody needs to make money right now. And by the looks of the place today, it wasn't happening where I was.

But, you know what? I didn't care. Me and the little guy had an adventure. I had started out of the driveway, on my way to the - say it together Mom's (ok, and Dad's!) - the grocery store!!!! Oh, live a little can I? I know, just wanting to be me today, aren't you. So there we were, on our way, list in my purse, ready to go, DMB playing and singing to ME, thankyouverymuch!! Just four houses away from mine, and the little bullseye comes to mind. For no apparent reason either. It wasn't on the list. Not on my mind. Not in the future. POP, there it was. and before I could even think about it, I just said out loud, "Let's go to Target and get you some nice warm, flannel sheets!"

And like a zombie, I was on my way. No thinking involved. Just drove. In fact, I don't recall the ride there. Funny, isn't it. It's all coming together now. Aura, short-term memory, blackout, spending spree. Hmmmm. No, it just couldn't be.

The place seemed so much bigger than I remember. I even grabbed the extra super deluxe cart, made for the multiple-child Mom. It was, remember, just Nick and I. I had super powers today. I was actually able to maneuver this demon on wheels quite well. Not bad for someone who refuses can't doesn't exercise. So there is no muscle mass in my body, whatever! Yes, I am skin and bone. But I did get the truck through the place, and Nick was proud. (So sorry little old lady. It wasn't my fault, she was bent over, I swear!!)

For anyone interested, they have their little Bavarian, Around the World Fair going on right now. Really cool stuff! We spotted some pretty things we would like to redecorate with. I believe I will see my son on HGTV some day. He has decided he wants to start collecting something. He hasn't quite decided what, he thought about the shiny pillows, and the collorful painted balls from Asia. Then there were the African safari animals, the the the and on and on........ He needs to find something of interest!!!!! I'm thinking DUST.

right, HGTV, he loves Giada and Paula. Is fascinated with helping me cook and clean. Yes, I do clean. Don't I? He enjoys the home improvement shows as much as I do. he loves Ty Pennington, although, I think it might be the hair and his amazing energy. Regardless, the child has great taste. Just saying, you may spot the boy on a show some day. Just say, you read it here first.

When Frank says I'm like a kid in a candy shop when it comes to making decisons, today was not my day. I actually did pretty stinking good. Now how is that for oxymoron?! This sentance is so totally screwed up, it makes perfect sense to me. Scary. Now, typically, when I'm in my worst migraine mode, I cannot for the life of me, make a decision. I will stop, stare and just stop! and I'm done.

Last weekend, Terri and I went to Wegmans together. Thankfully, she was with me, because, I never would have made it out alive. Or at least with what I went in for. I was in Migraine Hell. Confusion was written all over me. Example: try to pick out bandaids during an attack! can't do it. Impossible. why???? Well, because first of all, there are too many brands; store brands, commercial brands. Then there are the Dora, and Bugs Bunny, Cars, and Tweety Bird. (Wait, there's MORE!) Then, we have the sizes to worry about! Oh yeah, and latex. Clear or flesh or color. This is for bandaids!

I still need juice - grape, orange, cranberry, cranberrygrape, applegrape, ??????? what do I want? store brand $$$$$ See what I mean??

I was having a bad day. She was very helpful. She did the bandaids for me. and a few other things I absolutely couldn't have done! This morning, I ended up somewhere I wasn't supposed to go, did some shopping, got a few odd bargains. I ended up burning myself out, and now, I can't make it to the store. But that's besides the point. I'm feeling sidetracked again.

We did, however, make it to Home Depot. Which is where we needed to go to get Hyrup's lamp. Hyrup is the snake. I know, I know, some of you are now crawling out of your skin. (hey, Hyrup does that, too!) Sorry. but hey, he needs warmth. This is the part I was trying to get to when I came to the computer when I GOT SIDETRACKED BY MY HEAD! Just be thankful you're not me. It's even more frustrating trying to get away from the story when it's in my head. All you have to do it click that little "X" up there.

The best of today happened when I walked into Home Depot with my six year old little man, and he spotted a Cars flashlight. Now, he had asked me for a flashlight for Christmas; and the rotten Mom that I am, forgot about said light. I was so busy thinking toys, I forgot!!!! Thankfully, he hasn't once hung it over me. So he sees this HUGE, as it was, box with Mater and the gang just laying there waiting for these little boys to come along; and I swear, his eyes just bugged. He didn't ask for one, which was odd. He just showed me. Pointed to all of the characters by name. Well, I had to get it for him, remembering that I was a dud forgetting it at Christmas. So I said, "Would you like it?"

"REALLY?!!!?? YES!!!!"

He is just so stinking cute! He got his light. Proudly carried it through the store. Put it together when we got home. And when he gets off the bus from school, I'm sure he will be very proud to show it off to his sisters and Frank, and maybe take it to his Dad's house.

How wonderful to have nothing to care about but a flashlight. Or the color of your cup. Or who you sit next to at dinner. I wonder if it made his day more , or mine? Either way, it was a great way to get sidetracked.

For now, I'm going to try and tackle antoher Migraine. I knew it was coming. I saw the lights in my dream this morning. Bright, flashing lights in the upper right side of my head. Just around the pretty psychedelic dancing aura. I do wish I could animate them somehow. But my are they ever nauseating! UGH

Back again! YEAH

Well, we are back online; sporting a new, fairly used, yet waaaaaay updated computer. With too much gig, whatever that is for me to handle. The screen is so big, it's blinky. I need to use sunglasses. Seriously.

I'd like to thank those who have commented on my last post, because, well, first of all, any comments are awesome. But, mostly, this situation is really a sticky one. This isn't the first time this word has entered my vocab, nor will it be the last.

Unfortunately, my own folks (embarrassement inserted) use it on a regular basis, like I use commas. Actually, more than I use bad commas. And knowing full well, that Frank's children are, YEAH Dad, BLACK!!!!!!!!! Like it makes a difference. Oh, and the sick racial jokes he(my father) sends to his(Frank's) email box just kill me. But whatever. Some people just don't get it. Don't want to, don't care. that is the case in point here, I believe.

How do you stop complete ignorance in it's tracks anyway? Certainly not with ignorance, I've found. To me, personally, I refuse to lower myself to someone else's standards. Why serve rudeness with rudeness? It just festers more pain - for yourself. And they gain the upperhand in their quest for ignorance again. But there should be some kind of common ground; to make them come to an understanding of sorts, to help them to see the way of their words, as a knife in your heart. I suppose, in my case, it has been separation. and it really has made no difference. Because it has been earned.

At first, I was the one wounded by it. Slowly, I became hardened. Now, I am healed from their bitterness towards me. But not the anger and separation they show to my children, my husband and my step-children. Not the phoney affection that comes in it's form of materialism. My daughter's are too smart for this. They learned at a much younger age than I. My son refers to them, not as his grandparents, but as, "My Mom's, Mom and Dad." and it's not from lack of understanding. He is a very bright little guy for six. It is for a lack of their presence in his life. And my life. And my sister's life, her children's lives. Make no mistake, they have chosen who they will cherish as grandchildren, daughter, son; and, really, it's ok by me. I have no envy anymore. I've hung that green monster up. It's now my sister's turn, and my daughters' turns.

But when they choose to throw that word around my home, when they DO come around, I'll show them the door. Because that word, the "n" word, is not, I repeat, NOT welcome in my home.

Now I have a lot to learn on this new machine. Have a great weekend.

The "N" Word

I received a heart-breaking call, no, actually, a heart broken call, from my step daughter lastnight. First, let me start by reminding those that may not know or remember; I have two wonderful step children who happen to be black and Italian. I love them like they are my own. She has a five-year old, Vanessa, who is just a trip and a half!! Can't say enough. Anyway, the call. She was crying, hysterically, her heart was just ripped in half. The father of her daughter, (not together), had made a racial comment. About her. He called her the "n" word. In front of Vanessa. Refusing to take it back, without apologizing. Stating he doesn't want her, the child, around, "those people."

Now, there is nothing, other than love her and Vanessa I can do. I would love to rip his tongue out of his throat. Not to mention, the very least of what her father wants to do at this very moment. But when all is said, which it has been, how am I supposed to act around him, LATER, when I have to? Right now, she doesn't want him around her until he apologizes. I don't blame her for that. She's absolutely right. But this will stick with all of us; mostly her. That hurt her hard. Hearing the pain in her voice lastnight was just awful. It was stinging.

So how does one go about continually overlooking the faults of those comments? This was the first time he's used THAT word. But his comments are not uncommon. His stupidity is not rare. His meanness, often unexpected. Like now.

What would you do? If this were your family? Really. Not in general, but real family, real life, flesh and blood. Put this in your daily life situation. Let it sink in somewhere. Put a word that fits in your vocabulary, one you prohibit, or dislike; allow it to fester under your skin. Use against a loved one, and tell me how to handle it. Because I know in my heart I'm to forgive him, and I must.... 70x7 and I know it was so cruel. I know judgement is not mine. Perhaps I just answered my own question.

Six Weird Things

"According to the rules... Each player of this game starts with the "6 Weird Things about You". People who get tagged need to write a blog of their own 6 weird things as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names. Don't forget to leave a comment that says 'you are tagged' in their comments and tell them to read your blog!"

Oh boy, where do I begin? My kids are forever telling me I'm weird. My husband and friends say I have issues. I believe I am simply unique. Jennine over at Life in the Canadian Desert, tagged me for this, and I thank you, because, quite frankly I've had nothing NOTHING to write about. This should be interesting, here goes:

1. I, too hold my breath in tunnels; however, my fear is a bit stretched. When passing thru said tunnel and under train bridges, not only do I hold my breath, but I close my eyes and cover my ears, while making a humming sound, so as not to hear the train as it's crashing on top of me. Yes, while driving. I know, amazing I sill carry a valid license. My family laughs, while first-time passengers usually are stunned and freaked by such behavior.

2. I like to send odd house-hold objects to school with the Cat-mawler when she's not looking; for example, yesterday I sent her with a 5lb dumbell. Just a little something for her to find when she gets to school. She has found things like, dogtoys, Frank's slipper, wadded newspaper, balled socks, Nick's toys. You know, things you just wouldn't find in a bookbag of an 11 year old. Imagine the look of surprise on your childs face when they get to school and open their bag.

3. This is just plain fun! Going thru a drivethru, and order everything as if the speaker is broken. " I w. ll ....ave ..icken ....ggt, ... ies .. oke ...ith and no..... I repeat NO....., got.... at?" Then continue another order for several more people in car on seperate checks. Same way. NO LAUGHING. Which by the way, is impossible. Because you will be in hysterics. I also leave messages for people on their answering machines the same way. If you call from your home phone and cell, they really think it's the machine. I know, I still have friends too.

4. On the subject of answering machines; here's one I've put on mine: "Hello.....(pause)......hello??....(pause)....... Oh, hi there. Excuse me?...(pause).......... I'm sorry, you'll need to speak louder, you're breaking up.....(pause)......Oh, these stupid machines! Leave a message after the beep please and we'll get back to you later."

This usually leaves people stunned on too many levels. First, they think they're talking TO you, then they're yelling AT you, then they realize, they've been had after they've already been agitated. It's really quite entertaining.

5. I have the most organized shopping cart in the grocery store. Seriously. I have sections; canned goods, boxed, produce, dairy with my butter and cheeses in one area, and milk and half &half in another. Soap products, frozen. you get the idea. My cart is the epitamy of OCD/Anal Retension at it's finest. It is so orgainized, in fact, that when I get my one cart to the check out, they can't seem to understand why they can't fit it all back in, and need to get me, both another cart and a "helping hands" person to push and help unload it for me. Yes, I do have a neat and tidy organized grocery cart. I get strange looks from shoppers as I rearrange it so everything fits just so. I think they're just amazed at it's wonder. Hey, they could shop out of my cart!

When Frank shops with me, he's not so curtious about my cart, and he wants to just throw things in. I have to straighten them out. He just shakes his head at me. Sometimes he gets his own cart. Ok, enough of that

6. The Dreaded Public Potty (UGH) - I know I've posted on this before, so I'll do it quickrun version. Because, it just grosses me out to think about having to use it. Never use your hands for anything. Avoid it at all costs. Use elbow to open doors, shirt to lock. Squat, don't sit. Expell first foot of t-paper, it's contaminated, trust me. Flush with foot. Hold breath and get out QUICK. Those germs are going to be blasted 6 feet in every direction! Literally. Get papertowels under your arms, turn on water, soap up and wash. Dry hands, use towel to turn off water AND to open door. Drop towel. Purell hands outside of bathroom.

Purell is cheap and great! I have one on my keychain, in my purse. I have the wipes in my van, his car. The kids each got Purell in their stockings. We're weird that way. Germs are everywhere, and they suck.

So now I need to choose 6 people to do this meme. It's amazing what you can learn about a person really. We're not so different from one another. I can't wait to see what you write!Good luck, and have fun. view from the cloud, windlost, sassylime, the daily headache, life in the canadian desert, . I apologize for my inability to hyperlink. As stated before, I am not, I repeat NOT familiar with this at all.

What a Day!!!

Who knew there were so many hours in a day to get so much multi tasking done in? Again. Actually, I was able to get my Christmas decorations packed away. (faint choir humming in the background). This has been done quite late for me. A task usually done by December 26. No joke. I'm known for it. So to have a naked tree sitting in my livingroom as I sit here and write this still, is just killing me. Frank thinks (and this is funny) that he will come home and take it out tomorrow. I'll be hearing that all week, thankyouverymuch, but that thing is history before Christina's bus hits the driveway!! I just might get up and make pancakes for the occassion! I didn't even take the lights off this year. For a buck a box, I'll sacrifice. It's the new me. Let the tree stay longer, screw the lights. I'll just get new ones next year. I was due anyway.

By the way, someone please (Robin, that would be YOU!) remind me next year when I'm going nuts wondering what I did with the lights, just remind me that's all.

If that wasn't enough, and by the way, that is a task! Although, there are still the trees out front that need to be put away. I did get the wreaths off the house though. Points for that. Anyway, there was the boatload of after holiday laundry; and just what gives with that?? I know I told these girls to bring their stuff down twice a week. It's amazing, I know they passed their passed hearing tests. And they do hear what they want to, but c'mon, I know they've heard this a thousand times. This was ridiculous. We do have, as everyone does now, a h/e washer and dryer which you can double loads in. Whatever. I still find myself doing 4 loads for 2 days. In a row. 2-3 times a week. Right, add that up. Just about every stinking time I turn around, there's another basket. No kidding they recycle their crap. And to think we were stupid enough to buy more CLOTHES for Christmas. What were we thinking??? Time to clean out the old ones when they come down! Oh yeah. Quality control, that's what I call it.

Then, can you believe it? (I know, my cape, trust me, it's pretty awesome) Cinderisa had a physical; so to the school and to the wait............ oh I mean the doctors office. It's a good thing we're on a good-friends-type basis. Otherwise, the incredibly long wait, just sitting there, for no good reason. At all. Other than to sit and, oh I don't know, maybe, say, get the stupid trees out of my front yard since it's now January 2nd...... yeah, in comes the good ole doc, blah blah blah......( no really I love him. Nice talk about kids, family and all. Oh and of course, Marisa good healthy stuff. Time to go now) More freaking waiting for another 25 STINKING (uh huh! really) minutes, just for paperwork and a freaking flu shot that I could have given her. And gladly would have after all of the freaking laundry I did!!! Ok, then to the lab for blood work. (My cape got caught in the door as I flew out )

THEN, I went to the grocery store. How mny have I lost by now?????? Went home, made dinner, brought kids to Dads, having wine here I am. Honestly, I feel like today, I put in 20 hours! And I didn't sleep again. Where oh where is the energy coming from? It must be coming from the aura! I don't know.

Here's a new one though. Now my food is changing taste. Not so new actually, it's always tasted weirder to me than anyone; but today, I actually took more note than usual. Like for instance, the tuna fish I was eating was great! White albacore, I was enjoying it, and all of a sudden, the flavor changed to this strange metalic and bitter taste like it was poisoned. I couldn't eat it anymore. I knew in my head, there was nothing wrong with it; but the same, I just couldn't eat it. And right before, well about half an hour before, there was the psychedelic aura I get at night. No migraine to follow. A little "boom-boom" but no major migraine like normal. But all night long, with the psychedelic aura, I had the most intense migraines banging my head and ear. For the past oh week, it's been going on. Then tonight, I made a stir-fry. Everything was fresh, and clean! It was delicious, and then, it was tasting like styrofoam and pungent. First the peppers, then the steak. I was done. Couldn't finish it after that. Then the boom-boom a little later. Nothing too bad though that I couldn't tolerate. Just a faint booming. Not like in my sleeptime. That is just terrible. Like around a 7; I can hear the sound of the pain and the swirls. But this was more faint and tolerable, a 4. More of a distant low drumming. They're changing. Still there, ever present. The aura, incredibly beautiful to see, and feel, taste for a moment. But then they turn on me into the monster. They morph. Like a Venus fly trap to the victim; very pleasing to the eye, until - trapped. That is what my aura does to me; it teases my senses, and then, when I least expect it, I'm trapped in it's claws and daggers of doom.


Well, at least I was able to get something accomplished today before the big storm takes me again. Now about those stpid trees.......

Happy New Year

I've been a boring blogger on so many levels. It's a wonder I get visitors. But I do. Santa was incredibly nice to me; I did get my digital camera - complete with dock, AND updated everything I could need to go with. I just haven't had the time or energy to figure most of it out. I have taken a few pics that are in the camera, and will probably stay there until I do figure it out. And until we update the computer, we won't be putting any pics into it. BUT, I do have one. I can't wait to use it. At least I can use it for my scrapbooking - whenever I get back to THAT!

I feel like I need to constantly get back to something. I used to garden, and I need to get back to it. I loved to scrapbook, yet I need to get back to it. Painting, poetry, writing - OK, nothing on any kind of professional level, but at least something I enjoyed for leisure and my kids enjoyed. A great stress-release if anything. I need, again, to get back to it. But when? I never seem to have either the time or the energy. For anything.

I've never been one for resolutions, but perhaps this should be the year for me to start a few. For time and energy. Finding them on some level. A little here or there, to do things I enjoy again. When I've found some time, I'll simply put it into something I like. But first, I need to make a few adjustments in my home - some major adjustments. Like in the organizational way. I used to be very organized, but that person has up and left me, and been replaced by someone who is very flighty and forgetful. I used to multi-task with ease and grace; if I try now, I forget what it was I was doing, making more of a mess than I started with. Frank tells me to just start with one room, and finish it. But one part of my brain still desires to multi-task, and run from room to room. And I get nothing done fast. And I tire easy from it. So I guess that is what I should do then! Take his advice, seek the time and energy, finish one task at a time. Sounds easy enough doesn't it. Trust me, my brain doesn't work that way, but I'm going to give it a try. Because it just hasn't been working my way either.

As far as the block went; not so much. I have been having the most beautiful psychedelic aura though. It's just too bad that they have such pounding effects afterward. And do I mean POUNDING! I give up. Even the Toradol didn't touch it. He said he could freeze it by putting a probe in for 3 months! Oh joy. But if this isn't working, what's the point really?

Well, Happy New Year! We all went to bed at 9. Again. We are a real bunch of partiers here, I know.

Ho Ho Ho - Give Me Snow!

Yeah, I know, call me crazy. I've seen the reports of the blizzard in Colorado and I'm, well, jealous. The kids and I were watching the news with our jaws to the floor this morning, yelling, YES, yelling things like, "NO FAIR!" "WHY CAN'T WE HAVE THAT?" "WHERE IS OUR STUPID SNOW?" "WE NEED A WHITE CHRISTMAS!" And then I heard one of them say this: "I wish the blizzard would come here" - NO, actually, I don't wish the blizzard would really come here. Just some snow to be on the trees and the driveway and the road and falling when we wake up on Christmas morning. Because, that is what we like here; a white Christmas. OK, I really hate the cold, it is truly painful in my bones. But I desperately want a good, old-fashioned white Christmas. But NOT a blizzard. I repeat. NOT. A. BLIZZRD.

I mean, really how ridiculous is Nicholas' sled going to look, under the tree - no snow? Just sayin, something we've grown accustomed to. However, with global warming taking over the planet and all, I guess we'll need to improvise a little. Somehow. Or wait until say Spring, when we are tired of the snow, and it just refuses to go away. In the meantime, at present, it's 50 outside, and my fingers are numb from being too cold still. And yet I'm demanding snow. Go figure! Hey, I've a few screws loose, I admit it.

Tomorrow is the big day - my occipital block!! YES!! I can't wait. I am excited, because I'm hoping it will do something for me. Then, we are taking the kids to see The Nativity and f i n i s h (I hope) Christmas shopping. They need to shop for each other and Frank. I am done for them and Frank. Maybe a few more toys for the little guy. I don't know. I'm really looking forward to the time off with the kids. Unfortunately, Frank will be working, but he'll be home for Christmas.

We haven't heard from Philip in over a week, and would appreciate any prayers for him and the men in his company. It must be very hard for them to be away from their families at this time. I know it's very hard for Frank. He misses him very much, and not hearing from him makes it difficult. Especially at Christmas.

I wish for you all a very Merry Christmas. Jackie, thank you so much for the Christmas card! Awesome. I can't wait to hear Philip's reaction. How very very thoughtful of you. Wishing all painfree holidays. Deborah

Lend Me Your Hope

I received this in an email from a friend today, and thought I'd share it with you here. I hope someone else will find as much comfort in it as I did.> <>


LEND ME YOUR HOPE
Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that
you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit (Romans 15:13).

Lend me your hope for awhile, I seem to have mislaid mine.
Lost and hopeless feelings accompany me daily, pain and confusion are my
companions.
I know not where to turn; looking ahead to future times does not bring
forth images of renewed hope.
I see troubled times, pain-filled days, and more tragedy.
Lend me your hope for awhile, I seem to have mislaid mine.
Hold my hand and hug me; listen to all my ramblings, recovery seems so far
distant.
The road to healing seems like a long and lonely one.
Lend me your hope for awhile, I seem to have mislaid mine.
Stand by me, offer me your presence, your heart and your love.
Acknowledge my pain, it is so real and ever present.
I am overwhelmed with sad and conflicting thoughts.
Lend me your hope for awhile; a time will come when I will heal, and I will
share my renewal, hope, and love with others (adapted from the poem "Lend
Me Your Hope," author unknown).

The apostle Paul gives us the biblical basis for our comfort and hope:
"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of
mercies and God of all comfort; who comforts us in all our affliction so
that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the
comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For just as the
sufferings of Christ are ours in abundance, so also our comfort is abundant
through Christ" (2 Corinthians 1:3-5).

The Monster

Oh yes, the Monster has, without doubt, struck again. I am moving in slow-motion, daily; just dragging along. Waiting for It to leave. But, no It won't. It is stuck in my head; swelling and pounding, and invading the rest of my body, bit by bit. The right of my face, today - is feeling numb, yet, not so much. You know, fuzzy and tingly and warm, but not in a nice way. There is way too much pain coming with it for that. Then there's the ever-approaching nausea. It just comes in a pool of waves today. It just started a few minutes ago. I was fine all moring, not totally fine, just free of the tossing and turning in my stomach. My jaw feels as though there is a clamp hinging it; not quite from the back, and not so much form the front. But it is so definitely feeling like it's being forced.

Oh, yes, I know who You are - the Monster, the Uninvited Guest. You show up wehn least expected or basically whenever you want. You're quick to come, and slow to leave. Although, this time, you have been coming on much too slowly. Please just pack your things and show your way out. Quickly this time. You are suredly never welcome here. For Iv'e had enough of YOU.

The clamping has started around the top of my skull. My right eye isis feeling the hammering; it is coming from the back of my head - and straight thru - out of my eye. I can almost see it coming and going. No, that is the tunnel visssion, my bad. Just leave me alone. Please.

T oday is beautiful. Sunny and warm. Unusual for this tme of year. And I feel lousy. I'm going back to bed, yet agian. Trying to gt rid of another migraine. I called my pain doc for an occipital block, and the soonest - Dec 26. Hopefully, he will get a cancellation before then. I can only pray. And I will.

My Tree

Feeling like this color, basically. Needing to jump to say this color soon.

On the plus side, we picked out our Christmas tree. On Friday. Although it's large, fragrant and green; that is all it is. Green. No lights, yet. I was too comfy, either in bed or on the couch, all weekend to get the lights on it. The poor kids keep asking me when we're going to decorate, rather I'm going to. As a rather compulsive person, in my nature, it is I who must assemble the lights. "They need to be properly aligned," as Frank reminded himself lastnight when he suggested , to ME, that Cinderisa put the lights up. I think he probably just saw my eyes bulge or something, as he quickly corrected himself. It's not that she can't do a good job or anything; she could probably do a half-way decent job. It's just something I prefer to do myself.

That was Monday. Nicholas and I, successfully, decorated the tree. And then, I collapsed, literally. The girls were thrilled when they came in from school to see it all alit. I'm not totally thrilled with it, but it's going to do. for now. I don't feel so good these days; so it's just going to do. They love it, and really, that is all that matters.

I overslept this morning. Did not hear the phone ringing to wake me. So I had to take Marisa to school. What a nightmare! I, first of all, was in NO shape to be on the road. But I was. Unfortunately. AND, my tank was empty. Well, I had 11 gallons to empty. So I had to first, get gas, THEN, drive; which in itself, today was a feat I was not willing to take. Nor should I be. The nightmare really was when I got to the parking, rather, the drop-off spot. The many MANY busses and minivans and cars. It seemed unending. I just wanted to get home. I really thought I'd never get here.

I just want to feel good. Perhaps right now, I'm trying too hard. Yeah, that's what it is. I'm chalking it up to that. As the right side of my head is yet again, being invaded by the monster; I will still try again, and again and again..... Until then, I suppose I will just wait. Hopefully with some patience. At least my tree is decorated.

The Total Sum of Moi

Well, for starters, let's just say this: it's all my parent's fault! And you can ask my sister, you know, the one with the cutie pie a few dozen posts back - because she, too, is blaming them!

While Frank was looking at the stupid pamphlets on Parkinson's Disease (NOT -thankyouverymuch!!!!) I'm just a nervous wreck, jerking away, waiting for THE doctor to come in; the one who specializes in "movement disorders" - that is what I was there for. I'm just saying to him, as I'm making the chair move from the wall with the stupid JERKING THAT WON'T STOP "there's nothing wrong, the MRI came out normal, yet again, so I'm just normal. I have huge freaking weird Migraines, but I'm normal. Get it?"

Frank, reading stupid pamphlet, "yep, you do this, and this, WOW, and THIS!" Basically, he's ignoring me.

In walks THE doc, very nice, by the way. Does his thing for however long. Questions and more stupid questions. And says this: "I believe a person with chronic pain, such as yours, can have very deep psychological problems, that we cannot perceive or help you with. BUT, (my favorite word) there is a place that does specialize in this area with sever chronic patients, such as yourself"

Me, feeling like a total and complete loser, gee, why is that exactly???? Say something like, "So I'm just a basic lunatic with unmanageable migraines, that make my body do weird stuff. So, I'm nuts? Is that what you're telling me?"

But, no, he reassured me, that not only am I not nuts or a lunatic; but it's because of the chronic migraines that my body is resorting to this new and improved way of life . AND - yeah, this is where my parents fit in, don't they just always; " there may be some deep issues of unresolved health reasons we don't know of to get to, and this would be the place to help."

Frank: "you mean, because her father always said she wouldn't amount to anything, and didn't take her illnesses serious; he always did say she was making herself sick, is that why?"

Right about now, I'm looking to just run out the door, but I can't seem to get my head out of my ass!

But THE doctor did, yet again, reassure me, that I'm not NOT crazy. (Yeah, that made me feel so much better), and said it is an unfortunate part of chronic pain that our bodies put us through. OH, and we'll just do a few more tests to rule out this and that and really, you're still not crazy. "And have a vonderful holiday. "

Ok, for the record; I didn't go in looking for a problem. I'm extremely happy I don't have anything else at this point. But in truth, I feel like not only did I waste his time, my husband's time from work, but MY time! AGAIN! Pain just freaking sucks. And now, it's doing something really freaking weird to me; apparently, it does happen to others. Poor souls. I'm so not interested in going to ANOTHER hospital, away from my family, because of this stupid disease called MIGRAINE! I just doesn't end. It morphs.

I called my sister to tell her all of this, this morning; and at first we laughed, because we comiserated about the crap we had to deal with when we were sick; the stupid things he would say. Not a loving environment to be brougt up in. I'm sure they believe it was, as they refuse to see their ignorance. I'm thankful that I can have her to talk with and verify. It's very sad, though. She is 12 years younger than I, so I always looked at her as my baby sister. When she was born, her and her twin brother my brother; it was like getting a love gift. I finally had someone I could love, unconditionally, that would love me back. What a unique experience they were for me.


I was in my senior year of high school when I left home; she was 5. I was more sad about leaving the twins than anything. I felt misunderstood by my father, who doesn't at that age. But it's still there. She and I have remained very close. We have been there for each other. Unfortunately, she now is facing her own medical crises. I told her to start a blog, because she reads mine, and she started to read others on her disease. So maybe she will. I hope so. If anything - there are some real healing properties in this.

So to celebrate my NOT having some weird movement disorder - Thank you LORD! I told Frank to get me WINE. Yep, because this weekend, I want a glass or 3 of wine. Hey, maybe I'll even have my pole installed by then! Anyone know where to get one??? I do think I'm going to take up the belly dancing, by the way. I saw an article in my paper this am. Anyone else IN??????

new outlook - of sorts

The good news: the MRI came back normal. Of course.

The bad news: I still feel like Garbage. GARBAGE. Complete with smell, and barf bag. No barf. Can't eat because fo the nausea.

The good news: I got my big (ok, there is no big) butt off the couch today, AND I even put on make-up. AND did my doo. Because I'm so tired of feeling like shit all the time, that maybe, just maybe; if I look good, I'll start to feel good.

The bad news: I still feel like I want to barF! And my head is swelling insde - I just know it is. The kids are screaming and I just told them to (get this) "SHUT UP!!" (BOY someone should really call child services here)

The crazy good news: they still love me.

So yesterday, as I lay, head throbbing FREAKING HARD, mind you, stomach wanting to PUKE something - ANYTHING!!! HE says to me, (because he is sick of looking at me under a blanket for days, feeling like I do) "That's it! I don't even want to celebrate Christmas here this year. I'm not having people here with you like this. Not even a tree!!" Ok, I'm sure the kids are hip to that idea.

Here's what I'm thinking: remember that pic a few posts back with Madonna on the pole? (NOT THE BLESSED MOTHER!) GO back I'll wait.......................... Yeah, that pole. I'm thinking, perhaps if I try my own damn therapy, install said freaking pole in my home; take up say, I don't know, Salsa or Belly dancing - hey I've got the freaking tremors already - I do have a head start here. Get rid of a few choice meds (ok, I'll talk it over with the doc first, blah blah blah!!) Maybe, this just might work for me! I'll let ya know how that works out. Thank God my MIL doesn't read my blog.


well dip me in chocolate - more good news: I jus got a call from the docs office AND the movement guy has an opening this afternoon. Well color me dancing. Not on a pole yet. Yes, I am so freaking twisted I hurt

What a weekend!

Well, I tried. I tried to make the arts fest, and I failed. I felt myself going down, and down I went. The tremors, or whatever they are - followed IMMEDIATELY afterward.

Got to the car, twitching started, head ramming and slamming. Maybe it is all just related to the migraine. I don't know. But in any case, it is geting much more frequent and intense.


Sunday, tried church - wasn't feeling so well when I got up. I just feel constantly nauseaus. All of the time lately. Pressure on the top of my head. We get there, I'm feeling a litle off my feet (funny) more like the the walls are moving around me; trying to grab at me, sort of. I find where Terri and Frank are siting. Trying desperately, so desperately to ignore what is happening inside me. The twitching and the pain, up my spine, in my head, making my left leg contort. And then, Im gone! And I don't know for how long I'm gone, because I do hear the music around me, but I can't see anything, I can hear, the nausea is so intense now, it grabs my insides like nothing before. Adn my head is just screaming with pain. I want to go to the hospital now. I WANT TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL. I can't take it anymore. The jerking won't stop. I try to make it stop. I'm thinking, to myself, It's me, I'm making myself do this, but it won't stop. Adn the pain in my head is just so intense now.

Now I am in the car, and I really don't know how I got there. Funny. Bits and pieces of information escape me at this time. Whare is Terri. Frank is mad and frustrated that nothing is helping. I'm thinking he's mad at me, that I'm sick again. He cn't be! It's not my fault. I think he really is jus sick and tired of all of it. Like I am. Time is going so fast. We are at the Emergency Dep't. I am just jumping with these damn tremors. Why don't they stop? And what are they.? Is the Zonegran not working anymore? Maybe that's all it is. That wold be an easy fix right. But I'm getting more and more and more of these everyday. One on top of another. They seem to start at the base of my spine, above my buttocks, very painful. And the pain travels up my spine, and makes my whole body just shake. My left leg quivers insidelike jello. then it kicks hard. And my back will do the same up and down. sometimes I get migraine with it and sometmes not. Today, very hard. So I was treatd as a migraine.

The residents kknow me very well; thankfully, and don't treat me as a drug-seeking patient. I don't want drugs, I want answers. Please!! Answeres to why my body is now acting like it can't sit still. Could this REALLY be another dose of migraie disease?

Today, I am exhausted, and sick to my stomach. Jerking, and my head is pounding again. So I ask, my doctor, whom I respect very much, now what? Where do I go from here? This I can't live with. Could you? Please help me.

El Yucko

Despite feeling like crap, yet again, I am going out and doing something I haven't done in a long time. There just happens to be a, and not your typical, Artisan show in town today at our local fairgrounds. So, that is where I am headed this afternoon. Tremors, jerking, high-horse stepping and all. I thoroughly enjoy local artist displaying their crafts, and now, I will be able to embark on their beautiful marksmanship. I cannot wait. Hopefully, I will not be like a bull in a china shop, like I have in the past. One can only hope for such a miracle. I have been popping Zofran like candy the last few days, to keep my tummy under control. Can't eat, however, I have been able to sleep quite well. Something about the tremors making me dreadfully tired. Not such a bad thing, since I was unable to sleep for about 2 weeks. Still banking on the MRI showing Nothing!!!! Wouldn't surprise me in the least. The tremors seem to be coming from my lower back, then going into my left leg, and creeping up into my sping. Somehow, they are triggering a migraine. At least, I think it's a trigger. Needless to say, I have been extremely nauseaus for the past week, and can't eat. Ginger ale, and I have become best friends again. Oh, and Won ton soup - I'm going for the active ginger ingredient in that today for a cure! right now, the fuzzy, metal feeling on my tongue has started, and I'm going to lay down. But I WILL be going to the Art show. I can't wait! As it stands, I have a friend, who teaches at SU, and will be showing some work. Can't wait to see her stuff. Take care. Me

ugly dog, bad day

I feel like my dog looks! Yeah, kinda like that. Shocked, busted, ugly. Icky. So you know - he is NOT allowed on my bed! He was totally busted in a very restful nap as I snuck up on him and yelled at him, thus the stupid look of shock on his pitiful face.

And it's kind of how I'm feeling right. now. I was hit with the tremor again yesterday. Followed by a "sweet" little (right) migraine. I woke (yesterday) not feeling so well - nauseated, unsteady. Didn't I just say I was ready to take back a bit of my freaking LIFE?!!!!! Oh how my head is swimming today in a pile of mush and fuzz. Perhaps, I should just keep those thoughts to myself; because, without fail, this is exactly what happens when I share my intensions. Disaster.


Today, I am scheduled for the MRI. We'll just see how that goes. Hey, at least I slept like a rock lastnight. I can't seem to keep my leg from jerking right now. My body feels like it just wants to start all over again, with the jumping and jerking tremors. Looks like another one of those days. Getting some uncomfortable chest pain with it too. Not sure if it's from being tightly curled up, or what. But MAN am I uncomfortable!!! Journaling in my book again, and here. Can't stop jerking rigt now. My body is just jumpy jumpy jumpy. I wish I knew why. Is it a part of the Migraine Disease aor something New and Improved?? Oh goodie! Thankfullly, my mind is in tact. AND my humor. Ok, too much jerking

Another Birthday at the ranch

Happy Birthday my big 6 year old!!!! How cute is he? He came down to me this morning; I was on the computer, and he says, "Well, today is my birthday!" And he just hopped up on my lap and curled up. How incredibly delicious is that?! He is my little sweetie pie. Full of hugs and kisses, anytime I want them. Boys are awesome!

Having a little party tonight at home with the family; and then he's having some boys over on Friday afterschool. His cake tonight - a football, well, 2. A big one and then his own special cake, just for him. He says he doesn't feel 6. That's ok, I feel 6 for him. I was asked to add a few pictures to todays blog - by him. I'm sure he'll love it.

This is Hyrup, the snake. He lives in Nicholas' room - IN A TANK. Philip brought him home before he left for bootcamp; and suggested that Nick take care of him. ME??? Well, I was totally freaked out at first, wouldn't go near him, or in the same room when he was out; but as you can see, I've grown quite accustomed to him. He's really very sweet for a snake. I was able to bring him to school last year, in Nick's pre-school class. They loved it! He is getting very big, very fast. I do NOT delight in feeding time; and only once, 2 weeks ago, did I have the unfortunate luck to be walking by his room when Hyrup grabbed his meal. Let me just say, rats are very loud! I ran screaming, holding my ears, yelling something like, "LA LA LA NOT HEARING NA NA NANA!!!!" I was the kid who cried during Wild Kingdom when my father used to watch it. I can't handle the whole "circle of life" thing happening. But hey, Hyrup has to eat, too. Just not in my presence.

Here's the big scary dog looking fierce and alert! Doesn't he just look like he's saying something like, "You talkin to me?" What a dumb dog! Gotta love him.


Me and Cinderisa. She is actually sitting on my lap, and is about 1" taller than me. She is a beauty. So tonight we celebrate my baby's birthday. We've done a lot of that lately. OMG - pay no attention to the tacky laundry basket behink the chair! Or he backwards chair. I'm sick, and I know it. OCD never leaves me alone! awww who cares! If you'd like to leave a Happy B'day to Nick.. just leave it in my comments. I'm sure he'd get a huge kick out of it.

Time to wrap presents. Frost cakes. Celebrate!

Wanting to be a part of the real world - again

It has been 2 years since I've been able to work. Two years! Two years of constant pain; doctors, tests -some of which were normal; the previous MRI being in Feb of '05 anyway. Hospital stays; both at home, and far away from home. One place in particular, although I learned a great deal from; I will be happy to never step foot in their doors. Two years of the money-sucking hole this relentless 'headache' has caused. Don't mistake the pain only starting 2 years ago, it's been with me much longer; it just had a way of taking over my life in the last 2 years. Completely!

And now, I have a great urge to start taking back some of that control. Regardless of the pain, and the new little "Spaz attacks" as Terri and Frank call them. It seems as though each time I try, or suggest, or think of going back to work, another symptom, or hospital stay, or something else with my health rears an ugly head. Does that mean I give up trying? I'm not ready to give up yet.

But I do remember a time that I was ready to give up. I remember laying in a hospital bed, and no amount of med would make it stop; it was just a matter of time before the poisons would work their magic and relieve the pain - just a little. And it would come on strong and hard again, and again. I remember thinking to myself, how much easier to just let go. If I could just go. And I'd see my little one's come to visit me, with pictures they'd made to cheer me up. Or bring me a soft blanket to keep me smelling home, and feel a little more comfortable. And I would think how young they were, and what would they do without ME? They need their Mother. But I was so weak, and in so much pain, so much much more than I feel now. And I really didn't know HOW much more of it I could take.

So now I feel as if I should be able to start taking back bits of my life. I don't desire to be the sick Mom, who can't make it to the concert. Or to my son's first's this year, in kindergarten. I missed so so much of his pre-school stuff. If it wasn't for Mindy, a wonderful person and friend; Nicholas would not have even been able to go to pre-school. She was there, everyday, on time! To pick my little boy up for school and drop him back to me. I couldn't drive then. There were more days I was on the couch or in bed, than up and about. It was dreadful. Literally horrible. But he enjoyed pre-school, thankfully. His time was somewhat occupied by something other than just a sick Mommy.

The girls had their activities, too. I missed most of them, sadly. And they were so great about it each time. They were never upset with me, like I was. And Frank was faithful to get them to the concerts, and the track meets. Then, they would take care of me, on the days they'd come home from school; do the housework that I should have been able to do. I always felt so guilty, but they never begrudged me. Well, not a lot!

A friend, who was my boss at the Y, has been asking me when I'm coming back. I see her every Sunday in church. Last Sunday while we were driving, I said to Frank; "You know, maybe I can start going back to work?!" He just laughed at me, reminding me that I'd just gotten over a good four-day migraine. I was at that euphoric phase, you know? When it has finally calmed itself, and you start to feel real good, like a little high your body gives you. Yeah, that's where I was. A few minutes later, I felt this strange spasm in my lower back, didn't think much of it.

I was feeling ok for a while through the service, and all of a sudden, the spasm hit me again; and added with it, a little pipe to the back of my head sort of feeling. I started to feel a little dizzy. Sometimes I get that way from looking down, as I was. But then, my leg started to do it's strange twitch, slow at first, and gradually, the other leg and my back came into play. At first, Frank just laughed at me, and gave me the spaz movement back at me. But it suddenly took on a form all it's own. My body was completely in this incredible spaz-like activity. I couldn't sit still, only curl up; as that is where my muscles were taking me. I felt as though I was in and out of reality. Not sure what was happening, or where I was - only I knew I needed to get home.

This is something my doc called, "chorea" when I saw him 2 weeks ago. I have another MRI scheduled for this week. As does everything weird in my case, I have a sinking suspicion that it will probably come out - NORMAL. It's not that I want an abnormal brain tumor or anything horrid, just a simple - answer. To the many many many questions that have flooded ME, each time my body does something incredibly weird like that. Believe me, it was weird, and it was quite painful at times. I was toast for the rest of the day. It happened again on Monday, twice; and Tuesday and Wednesday - twice. And of course it happened on Thursday, at my MIL house. Something we both prayed wouldn't happen. Each time it started the same, with the twinge in my back; and this time Frank saw it coming. They lasted anywhere from 5-10 minutes in length. And then I crashed. Sometimes it triggers a migraine. Sometimes there is no pain in my head afterward. This time, it has triggered a new sympom altogether, one I'm not sure is a part of it or not. But there is this little scream-like pain that comes into my midsternum. OUCH. There is no taking my breath away with it, or anything like that, but it's still there. This doesn't happen everyday, the tremor, spaz, chorea; but when it does, it is strange. I've been free of it since Thursday.

So, naturally, me being me; I said to Frank, yet again on Sunday morning - "What if I were to go back to work, just like maybe 2 or 3 days while Nick is at school??" I'm sure he was secretly waiting for me to start flopping like a fish, or get the bat to the back of the head that brings on another migraine. But I didn't. This time, he just smiled, not reminding me of ALL THE OTHER TIMES I suggest this, now fantasy, idea. There were a few 'what ifs' in there. But, he just agreed this time.

I have been fortunate enough to be able to be there for my children; they see me before they go to school, and I'm home for them when they return. I always desired to be a good Mom; to be here for them. And I am; both. I miss the medical field I used to work in - won't be going there again, those skills are outdated. But I loved the work I did at the Y. The people I worked with, the members. The pay wasn't great, but I loved the job. Isn't that what's important anyway. I mean, sure, high-paying jobs are a necessity in this area where we are just TAXED TO DEATH! But hey, I liked what I did. And really, I never complained about the pay, the benefits, to me, far out-weighed the paycheck. Being able to have my kids there, involved in sports, and other activities. Access of the state-of-the-art equipment! Well Frank enjoyed that. Me, not such a graceful soul, I was terribly intimidated by the stuff, and usually ended up getting hurt. There's only so many times you can let the treadmill go out from under your feet, forgetting to step up on the sides, and ride it full-speed into the computer on the front. I'd laugh it off, "just wanted to make sure it still works that way! We need to have this one checked. Don't use it." I was secretly hoping to be banned from that room.

The sauna was my favorite room.. Being always cold, that was where I would run to "make sure it was still working and nobody died in there from heat exhaustion." Hey, it can happen. So, I am going to go to the Y, and talk about going back, even if it's for just a few days a week. I want to gain a piece of me back from this painful disease that took over my life 2 years ago.

I know I'm going to have bad days; everyone has bad days! But I am having some good days, finally, and I want them. Even if it gives me the satisfaction of just being normal once again. Instead of being the sick one. I don't want to be there, and I know, it's always there to haunt me. But damn it, I need to get a piece of my life back. So wish me luck. That's my rant for today. I'm sticking with it.






By the way, on the Madonna thing: I had the fun of telling my MIL, who laughed, hysterically at it. You need to understand this - she is from Naples, Italy. A very seriously devout Catholic nation. She is no longer Catholic, but most of her family there is. She knows, deeply, the standing taken to the Blessed Mother, (Who for the record, I did NOT call a tramp). She had this to say to me, "Imagine if you had two priests standing behind you!" She said this while laughing. Hysterically. Is anyone sensing a note of guilt on my part? I feel like I should go buy the stamps!!!!!!!!

NAH! Hoping all a pain-free day! Or at least a manageable one at best. Take care.

And What to My Wandering Eyes Should Appear......

Sunday morning, sitting in my habitual routine; before getting ready FOR CHURCH, I must add. I am reading the paper; I like to read the news first; Frank likes the adds. I get through the typical hum-drum of what is actually given to the world in their view; and I come upon this:NEED I SAY MORE??!!! This is whom I was referring to at the grocery store! NOT the Bella Madonna. But exactly this! I just couldn't believe my eyes when I ran across this magazine in my Sunday paper. Thank you. Thank you. I feel as if I should run to Wegmans, seek out the man behind the counter, who thought I was the pig for calling, as my husband put it, "You called the Virgin Mary a TRAMP?!" For the record, no. I did not call the Virgin Mary any such thing. It was this here, this site, that I was thinking of. A very gifted voice, yes, but c'mon, is the pole really necessary????? I think not.

So this is the point I was trying to make, as I tripped, badly all over myself. I can't wait to tell my Mother-in-law. She is from Naples. I think she will enjoy, immensely the story. Catholocism being a HUGE religion in Italy, where her family still resides, with all the ritual - she will no doubt, enjoy my story.


For me, I had another little(right!) attack of the shakira type yesterday. Complete with hysteria, slammed with icepicks, tremors and my pretty-high stepping horsey walk. (insert the neighing here) Very painful and awkward. Today, I need to take Nicholas to his Ped for his physical. This is the place with the huge black and white floors on the diagonal that set me off. This shuld prove to be a glorious day for me. As I've already started off on the wrong high-step footing. Good thing I'm not driving today. Can you just see it? Hoping all better days. Deborah

Open Mouth, Insert......

So here's the scene: I'm in line for postage stamps at Wegman's, just finished the grocery shopping for the week. (Can I just say this first? wait, my blog, of course I can!) Has anyone else noticed the price of EVERYTHING in the store going up by cents per week?? EVERY week? I used to get my bulk p-towels for $3.99, then it was 4.19, this week, it was 4.59. It's not like they've actually put more stinking paper per role or anything. In fact, my weirdo conspiracy mind is thinking, maybe they are taking a few sheets per roll OFF!!!! What about the tuna??? They lured me into the wonderful taste of white albacore at a pretty 59cents per can. I can't get near the stuff anymore without paying over $1 a can for the stuff. Not to mention, they stick their oh-so-attractive-so-called-savings-in-bright-YELLOW-SALE-STICKER in front of it, trying to get me to buy the stuff. Now I can't get my nose near the "other" tuna I ate for years, because it smells like CAT FOOD!! AND makes me litterally gag when I have to open it for the kids, because they now WANT tuna fish!!!! So what gives here?

But that wasn't the real reason I came here today. I needed to share a little stupidity I had yesterday. Out of the mouth of my very own. Have you ever, no I'm sure nobody has EVER done this, well not THIS, because this was classic; anyway, have you ever just popped out a statement, and realized, oops, not meant for what YOU were thinking!! Yeh, that was me yesterday:

So after I, begrudgingly, ha ha, handed my check (she had to pull it from me actually) over from my incredibly small purchase, I headed to the Service Counter. I was behind an elderly woman, who was very concerned about her pre-made pie shell, by the way. Not kidding, she insisted the graham cracker crust, in foil, in platic container, should have it's own bag, "it's very fragile!" There is a reason I'm not in public service, I would have asked her if she wanted bubble wrap. HOWEVER; it's important to know that she was in front of me. Because, a nice man came along and asked me if I needed anything. Of course, I was there for the postage stamps, which he kindly handed me. They were so pretty, all these crispy, blue snowflakes. I admired them, "Ooh, so pretty, thank you!" Like they were an early Christmas gift to me or something.

He's counting back my change to hand it to me and says, "I thought you'd prefer those over the (OK, pay attention) Madonna stamps."

("Stupid is as stupid does..") "Oh, she is such a pig!" I say, with great disgust.

Old lady with pie: A great gasp is heard from her, she turns and gives me the most disgusting look and starts to storm away with her precious stupid pie. (What is HER problem, I'm thinking!!! Weirdo Madonna lover. "Like a Virgin" is playing in my head, and I'm looking at her, storming away, thinking, "strange")

Until the other girl behind the counter starts to giggle. DUH!! And that is when it hit me; Hello Deb! Christmas! Jesus' birth! You idiot!!!


"OOH! THAT MADONNA! I was referring to the perfomer!" Tripping here all over myself, realizing the sweet Virgin MOTHER OF OUR LORD, I JUST REFERRED TO AS A P I G!!!!!!!

"Yes, she can sing, but still she's a pig, I mean - have you seen her onstage recently? In the news? I just don't care for her pro-religious acts." Which, I'm realizing is really just digging me deeper in the hole, because he SHOWS me the Madonna HE was referring to. (Insert the sound of abounding angels, "AAAHHhhhh") Sweet, wholesome, in front of pretty and colorful stained glass art.

"Really, I was referring to the singer, you know, "Like a Virgin." To which he just smiled, put the stamps away and simply said, "Next."

As I'm walking away, thinking, did he NOT know who Madonna was? It hit me, I just said, "Like a virgin!!"

There is just NO making up for this one is there? Nope, so I thought I'd share it here. Because, in reality - it's funny. When you GET both sides of the picture. I think Madonna has a very gifted and wonderful voice, I just don't particularly like to see her on a cross, or in the other realm she has put herself. It's disgusting. My blog, my opinion. Whatever! I loved her in Evita, she portrayed her, wonderfully; that is as far as I'll go wtih that.


I'm off to Penney's to do some Christmas shopping. I can only imagine where my mouth will get me today. I can only imagine.

yeah, so I'm twisted, so what

It's a very humbling experience to be in the midst of Veterans of wars past. I never really understood the meaning; not when my Grandfather showed me the pictures he had from his days at war. Not from the movies I'd watched on the big screen or TV. It wasn't until my step-son left American soil, the safety of home, the closeness of a phonecall away; only then did I fully understand the meaning of what Veteran's Day truly means. The dignity and bravery of what these men and women have suffered. Suffered.

On Saturday, we took the kids to the War Memorial for the ceremony before the parade. There, they proudly marched each troop in uniform. We sat behind the Marines in their dress blues, of course. Oorah. Philip is of course, a Marine! And he is now a Lance Corporal. I proudly announce. Nicholas did wear his Marine cammies and his cover, along with his USMC t-shirt over a green long sleeved shirt. Marisa wore her green USMC sweatshirt, and Philip's boot camp cover. (that is what Marine's call their caps) Christina wore her pink Marine hoodie. I wore Philip's USMC sweatshirt from bootcamp - no doubt, he sweat many hours in that shirt. I feel very proud to wear that. There was no mistaking what we were there for. Marisa wears his graduation ring on a chain; boot camp graduation.

We saw Veterans from many wars; Korean, Viet Nam, Desert Storm, and even the current war. We saw injured Vets, young men, no older than our own Philip. My heart cried for these men. But they had smiles on their faces - for they were proud. Proud to be recognized, among so many other before them. Yes, they too are Veteran's of war. It was so very humbling to be in their presence. What an honor to be among them. They went to forsaken, forgotten, and forlorn countries, to keep us free. To free others. Maybe we don't agree with each and every war that has been fought, but thank God we have people who are willing to go.

It was sad to see how few were there inside the War Memorial to honor them. Even sadder, how few of our newly elected officials were there. Or NOT there. I couldn't believe the amount of empty seats as I looked around. But what I did notice, were the different reactions; some stood with right hand over their hearts. Some stood, at attention, right hand at brow. Some sat, because they had missing legs, but waved flags. So, rather than notice the missing, I decided to take note of those who were there and why. We were there to honor our Veteran's.

As we headed outside for the parade, Marisa noticed someone handing out flags, so, naturally, she asked for several. They are now decorating our front lawn. It was a small parade, but the first in 10 years here. And when I asked the kids later if they had a better understanding of it, they each gave me their understanding. And then. we. watched. Saving Private Ryan. At first, when Frank mentioned how great it would be for Nicholas to see; "because he'll really understand what Philip's doing!" Me, being the Mommy, let's-wrap-the-kid-in-bubble-wrap-til-he's-21, is thinking, "Not a great idea, dear "(FREAK!) but, he insisted, AND all of the kids ended up watching(me, still feeling the need to over-protect the innocent). But in reality, it gave them an even better understanding than afore-mentioned parade. (whatever) and they really liked the movie. So they both understand, wholly, what Philip is doing, and what Veteran's Day is. Mission accomplished.

And to sweeten the deal, Philip called lastnight! Music to our ears when we can hear his voice now. I let him know we celebrated Veteran's Day, I told him what we all wore, which he thought was just great. He just says how much he wants to come home. We equally want him back. Nicholas tells his class about him, that he is in Iraq, he's a Marine. He is so sweet and so proud of his big brother. I think I will ask his teacher if the class can make him a Christmas card to send; hoping that may cheer him up. I know Nick will get a charge of that. Marisa is planning on asking her youth group leader the same thing. These kids have such a heart for their step-brother. And it's funny - when he was home, he would pester the girls terrible. Just terrible; but mostly in a loving way, you could tell he loved them. He would 'beat' the daylights out of Nicholas, and he'd come back for more. Their pet name for each other is 'magot' - the Marine way. So when Nick got his turn to talk, he called him, "Magot head" the whole time. It was so cute.

And that was how we spent Veteran's Day! NOW, for reasons unknown to myself - I fell asleep lastnight during my show - Desperate Housewives! I MUST FIND OUT WHAT HAPPENED! What is wrong with me?????? Please, someone let me know what happened. At least when I fell aslep Thursday during Grey's Anatomy, I was able to watch it on Friday. (ok, I was at a party, and I kept sneaking in the bedroom to watch. Yeah, the kid's room, I actually kicked them out! I know, I'm twisted) So - how was your weekend?

Hats off to our Vets

Veterans that is. Tomorrow, I will take my son to the War Memorial, where they are hosting a ceremony for our nation's veterans. I want him to understand what it is that his brother is fighting for in Iraq. What his Grandfather stood for as an Air Force veteran. What my own Grandfather stood for serving in the Armed Forces. He will wear his Marine cammies and lid, proudly for his brother. He will hold a small American flag, waving it proudly, like every other little boy there. But what will he truly understand? Will he understand the cost of freedom? Probably not - yet. What he does understand is that his brother is a Marine. That he is in a war. But at almost six years old, he has yet to understand what war means.

When Philip called a few days ago, his voice was sullen and far away. He didn't talk about coming home, or howhe misses his family. He is now in a different state of mind. He is seeing death, being shot at. He is living war. Daily. There is nothing we can do for our Philip but pray for him. Pray that he will live. Pray that he will mentally make it through the stressful acts of war he must suffer daily. Pray he comes home whole. He is seeing more today than someone his age sees in these gang wars on the streets. For those wars, are over drugs, and property, stupidity.

For those that live through either of these wars; how are they changed? Are they different in their walk? Does the survivor of the gang shooting, see the stupidity of his ways, and seek change? When our young men and women come home, do they seek change?

Tomorrow is your chance to ask them. Honor them. Salute them. Whether you are for or against the current war, doesn't matter - there are men and women; somebodys husband, wife, father, mother, brother, sister, aunt, uncle, friend - over there, fighting for your freedom. Whether you choose to recognize this or not. Support it or not. They are still there. To show your support, seek a parade or memorial event. Honor a Vet tomorrow. Freedom is never free.

If you'd like to send a care package to a soldier overseas, call 1-800-610-8734, the US Post Office will send you free shipping boxes and packaging tape, to send to a soldier. Call your nearest recruiting office to get an address of a soldier who needs a package. If you'd like Philip's address, contact my email address, and I will gladly give it to you. Write letters of appreciation, have children colors pictures, send Christmas cards. Most of all, let them know you care.

Take your kids to a Veterans Day Parade tomorrow. Thank a Vet. Let them know they really are important to our country.

15 minutes of FAME

Ok, not so much fame, as maybe, "wow, look at THIS!" So I go to my docs yesterday, I mean, I needed to show him my new shake. I'm not talking Shakira; although, if I keep going at this pace, there is a fairly good chance I may actually GET into shape.

I am seriously shaking, jerking, moving, quite violently at times; all involuntarily. And Frank just looks at me and asks, "Are you ok?" several times. To which I respond, "Couldddn't bbbe betttddter" with a smile. so now he starts to jerk with me. we laugh. Of course, to neither of us, it's really not so funny; but we must laugh at this, too. Where does the anger get us anyway? let's not go there.

As I'm desperately trying to keep my cool in the chair, which is quite stiff and making matters worse for me, I'm feeling every muscle from my right shoulder twinge and scream and writhe with pain, as the left leg is pulling itself up, and yet, I am trying to keep it down. I'm failing. Meanwhile, the monster in my head is getting it's own signal, and the nausea starts, the pain begins to throb on the right side of my head - I see the lady with the frying pan hitting herself - and I feel it hitting mine.. Now I am consumed. First with the twitching I can't stop, and now the pain in my head that is throbbing. Total control. I try so hard to gain some sort of control, breathing slowly and deep. Not working, I feel the chair becomming looser from the floor. I feel as if I'm going to fall backward in it. Quietly, I am talking myself down calmly - telling myself that somehow it's my fault. I'm doing it to myself and I can make it stop - but try as I might, I can't. I absolutely cannot make it stop. And then I feel a hand on my shoulder and I jump and my muscles are in an even higher level of despair.

He asks me to perform a few simple tasks, to which normally would be simple - but I am spastic right now; awkward, I feel like I'm in a body that is no longer my own. AGAIN. And I explain how long this has been happening, sometimes vaguely; but of late, more pronounced. (just get me out of this body that refuses to work! I'm too young for this!) He looks for someone who knows about "this type of problem." Oh no, not another problem! But this person is out.

Enter my 15 minutes of fame! Oh yeah. "I need to get this on tape!" Kidding right! Is what I'm thinking, but no, he's serious. And I understand why. ($100,000 Funniest patient videos!!!!) NOT. So, out comes the video, and away I go - and I couldn't help but laugh. Because, he said something funny; and because Frank was making jerky movements. Yeah, making fun of me. This was just too weird for me, but I did it. I even had my prettty high-step horse prance (minus the whinnie) although I was sooo tempted. Clutching Frank's arm for dear life, up the dreaded hallway ( that always sets me in great neurobarfarama) and then down again. High-steppin and prancing and all. (insert pretty horsey sounds)

A muscle-relaxant later, did make things calm down lst ight. Right now;however, I'm about ready to throw myself off the chair fromt he jerking. I guess time will tell, after a few tests what is going on. Nicholas started laughing at me at lucnh today, little stinker. I just warned him, and said, "careful, THIS could happen o you!" He stopped smiling. So I just started jerking him around and made him laugh.

This should make life interestng: Frank is having a little surgery tomorrow to have the battery changed in his pace maker. I get to drive!

Shake, Rattle and Writhe

Shaking uncontrolably and looking more and more like a drunk when I walk. My muscles can't stand the pain from the twitching my body has been put through for the past three days. I try desperately to calm myself, but to no avail; my attempts fall short and I become more and more tense. My movements are large and awkward. They are tight and uncontrolled. I jerk and twist and writhe in pain as my muscles are struggling to find - what exactly?? Rest? I see the lights flashing, brighter and brighter each day, as they come. Friday, just a bit dimmer than Saturday; and Sunday like the sunshine, flashing in my peripheral field - bouncing back and forth. There but not. I could see what wasn't there. Today, the hot, cast iron pan hit me as I was walking in my awkward way. In my giant steps, like the pretty show horses, I couldn't hear the people around me any longer, only the sounds of IT coming, like a freight train, fast and furious. BANG! BANGG!! BANNGG!! IT hit me on the side of my head and face, so hard I sttopped moving and I couldn't see for a brief moment, only darkness and the sound of the freight train.

And then I twitch, and writhe some more. IT doesn't visit me only in my head anymore; IT has branched out further. I am being invaded by this Migraine I thought was to stay "in my head." IT is taking over me now. As I try desperately to write this, I am being tormented by the twitching of my muscles; the jerking movement, the unsteadiness I cannot control. I wonder, what will I lose control of next?

I wonder if there are anymore who have experienced this? I'm noticing it's worse if I hang my head down. Like when I'd look down, bend down, that used to get me dizzy, now I get THIS. I've morphed - wooo. Rather, it's morphing into something new and different, and I hate it. Dizzy wasn't as painful. I need to know if anyone else has had this 'wonderful' experience'. Hey, come along for the ride. Enogh for tonight.

How to Grow Socks - 101

Not for the light-hearted. Due to the content of this here post, any and all persons with non-humor, sick stomachs, or ill minds; please click on back arrow and leave said post immediately. Please keep hands in at all times, remain seated and for the love of all persons with migraines around you, NO SCREAMING!

To my husband, children, dog, doctors, friends and guests who must enter my home, or basically anyone; and I mean ANYONE, who must endure the unfortunate mishap of reaching my parts, below the hip, above the ankle; from now until May 1, 2007; I hereby withdraw my participation in SHAVING of said legs due to unfortunate discontinuation of warmth in these here parts in and around my living conditions. I have decided, therefore, to grow instead, for purposes to maintain my own heating status, SOCKS, for my own comfort. I refuse to lather the wonderful aroma of shaving gel to said legs, and apply machete to my attributes for this time, as not to gouge, disarray, or cause unknown wear and tear to my new socks for this time trial. If you, in any way, see this as offensive, (I love you Frank, that you think it's sexy to grow socks - you weirdo), bite me, I mean, just you try this experiment yourself. I believe this may contribute to lower heating costs, insulation (pants, socks - you get the point), and basically, less soap and blades. No, I'm not feeling lazy. I hate being COLD! You hate the cold - so I say, we should all grow socks.

Anyone slightly interested, simply hang up your machete on your man's mantle, copy and paste this document to him. Sign. Simple as that. And then, just grow yourself what God intended you to have for winter; one extra piece of insulation - handgrown wooly socks. Don't forget to send pics of socks before the big shave off.

Friday Fun!!

Deal with me, this is what I'm calling it, it's my blog, all mine. I borrowed this from crazyauntpurl.com and I had to put all here:

The Office Game. Spice up your office with The Office Game -- pick two or three colleagues and agree to play The Office Game which awards points as follows:

* ONE POINT

Run one lap around the office at top speed.
Walk sideways to the photocopier.

Find the vacuum and start vacuuming around your desk.

When they're not looking, pour most of someone's fresh cup of coffee into your mug leaving them with an inch of brew.

Ignore the first five people who say 'good morning' to you.

Phone someone in the office you barely know, leave your name and say "Just called to say I can't talk right now. Bye."

To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your ears and grimace.

While riding an elevator, gasp dramatically every time the doors open.

*** THREE-POINTS

Babble incoherently at a fellow employee then ask "Did you get all that, I don't want to have to repeat it." - Double points if you do this to a manager.

Kneel in front of the water cooler and drink directly from the nozzle.

Shout random numbers while someone is counting.

***** FIVE POINTS

At the end of a meeting, suggest that, for once, it would be nice to conclude with the singing of the national anthem (extra points if you actually launch into it yourself).

Walk into a very busy person's office and while they watch you with growing irritation, turn the light switch on/off 10 times.

For an hour, refer to everyone you speak to as 'Bob'.

Announce to everyone in a meeting that you "really have to go do number two".

After every sentence, say 'mon' in a really bad Jamaican accent. As in, "the report's on your desk, mon". Keep this up for one hour.

While an office mate is out, move their chair into the elevator.

In a meeting or crowded situation, slap your forehead repeatedly and mutter, "Shut up, all of you just shut up!"

In a colleague's diary, write in 10 am: "See how I look in tights".

Carry your laptop over to your colleague and ask "You wanna trade?"

Repeat the following conversation 10 times to the same person: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now"

Come to work in army fatigues and when asked why, say, "I can't talk about it"

Speak with an accent (French, German, Porky Pig, etc.) during a very important conference call.

Tuck one pant leg into your sock and when queried, answer, "not now" and walk away.

- - - - - - - - - - - -


Yes, I am out! Out of my mind, my gourd, out on disability. Why? You ask; well, because I DO participate with random acts of well, this type of humor and witt. I am (now I am hearing my friend Cesar) the, I am The Humor Whisperer! I rehabilitate idiots, I train the repressed!

Lastnight while at the ATM, I jumped for joy as it graciously handed me my winning jackpot! I also yelled, "I won! I won!" Oh, the faces of the confused on-lookers, wondering if I had a screw loose, or if I was unsure of what I was doing. The lady behind the counter stopped eating her dinner to see what I had won. She watched me in amazement - I, afterall, was thrilled to be winning the jackpot, running to the door with my prize! I wonder what she was left wondering. Did she go to the machine to see if she, too could win????

Yes, I am "out" - there. Ask anyone that knows me. Better yet. Go back a few posts, if you dare. I am out on disability; could it be because of Migraine Disease? Yes! Or, because I am depraved of a few normal brain cells? I'll never tell. Like Jack said, "I'm riding on Good Humor." or something like that. So if you have a bit of fun left in yourself, go for the big points, if not, at least try for a one-pointer - PLEASE!!!!! Let me know how it goes. Have fun.

So I Woke Up On Grey Street

I did; and if you don't know where that is, I suggest you go get yourself some DMB! That is exactly where I woke up, and I'm thinking it could be, perhaps - NO, definitely - y e a h, definitely because of the slight lapse in dosage of my latest little flip of the med-change. So do I stay on this current wave of fun, or go back??? Stubborn, as I am. Oh, I am stubborn - stupidly stubborn; a huge portion of me, wants to be, dare I dream, drug-free. for what really? Mostly the unknown and for all intense purposes I suppose, for me, the unthinkable side-effects these drugs have had on my body of late and what they may or may not hold in the future. Because, who really knows what the combination of these drugs carries?

Ok, so that sounds like rambling. Back to Grey Street: At around 4am, thank you very much (NOT), in my, oh what and exactly where do we "see" IT really? The aura appeared. Quite beautiful I must add, looking like the scene of the old game, Centipede, the way IT was swirling IT's way through the maze of nothingness in my mind, or eyes or wherever IT was. IT had millions, seemed, of leg-like swirls with ITself, moving along, around and around, and I of course, was in my usual stupified 'awe' until I realized, much later naturally what was happening.

My aura are not like the typical aura that I read about. I read how most Migraine appear within 30 to 60 minutes after aura. This is not the case with me. I am NOT, in any way, shape or form - t y p i c a l. My aura comes, and when I am thinking perhaps it may not come at all, or I have forgotten about it happening entirely, about 6-8 hours later, BAM, I am suddenly nailed with it.

Now, yesterday, I had the subtle (yeah, right) needle-to-the ear pain I get that sometimes precedes these little attacks. Could this have been a precurser? Should I have been forwarned, or should I have known??? What is wrong with me? I mean, for crying out loud! I really ought to know by now - my own state of being when IT is coming. right? yeaaaaah. Getting back to the pretty, swirling centipede of my aura now; as IT was moving ITself along, the colors were flashing from red to grey with each curl of the body. I know that doesn't make much sense, but there was sound, too. "Buzzz zzipp zzzzz" almost like the sounds my son makes when he's playing with his laser toys. I read an interesting article this morning here that I think anyone with Migraine, whether having aura or not should read. anyway . where was I??
confused now.

Ah yes, the confusion is now setting in with the nausea. Oh, and the chills. Isn't having Migraine Disease a little like having the stomach bug? Only on a much "grandeur" scale, if you know what I mean. I've been off of Topamax since April, and yet, for the life of me, I can't seem to get my hands warm for NOTHING!! What gives with that?! I thought, maybe, just maybe that was a nagging side effect I was going to shake! Not so lucky.

GOOD NEWS!!!!!! Evita is playing on HOD - ciao! Time to go watch Antonio, sit with the kids, make some cocoa - we do love musicals. AAAAhhhhh - Antonio. Now there's an abortive I can live with. Do you think Melanie would mind?? I know Frank won't mind, they can share cigars. But I think Melanie might have a problem here!