Hope, Insanity and Sadness

Letter two has been written and sent from my doctor to my insurance company. It was a very well-written letter, as I received a copy myself today. So much so, if I was the insurance company - no problem!! But I'm not, so we'll just have to wait and see what happens.

In the meantime, I was fortunate enough to get samples from my primary doc and will be getting back on the Namenda in hopes that the ins. co. will agree that it's a necessary med for me. Here's hoping and praying they will see my need.

Ridiculous.

This week has been completely insane; we are leaving for vacation on Friday. So, like the crazy person I am, I must get everything ready, cleaned, organized, packed, laundered, shopped and bagged ahead of time. Way ahead of time.

Sadness: Today. (holding back tears) we had to drop poor Rockhead off to the kennel friend's place - Glen. It was horrible. Glen is usually there to put him in the kennel, we just hand the dog over and have to hear him scream while we escape to the car. Not this time. Frank and I had the - HA - fortune of escorting the 100 pound monster with fear and anxiety plus massive amounts of adrenalin rushing through his veins, into the cage. We are both bruised - badly.

I ended up being the last to get into the cage and calling him in after three failed attempts, he finally came in, and I'm just trying to calm him down and telling him to sit and drink because it was hot and he was panting. Poor thing. He was just staring up and pleading: "PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME HERE, MOMMY! I WANT MY BLANKIE AND AIR CONDITIONING! I CAN'T HANDLE THIS KIND OF TORTURE!"

It was so sad and so hard to not just hug his big neck, but I backed out, and we locked the gate. The kids were on the outside calling his name, (yeah, we were on the inside of the kennel getting him in - it's indoor/outdoor, he spoils his dogs), he ran out to the kids. We quickly left the kennel out the door so he didn't see us leave; checking our bruises and various other owies.

Then he starts with the screaming. Literal. screaming. No barking or yelping - no not our big brute, he's a screamer. All the other big bull dogs, and they are big, there were 7 in all, were barking when we got there, and were now calm. But Rocco, he was screaming like a GIRL.

Christina started to cry and that made the sadness even sadder. I told her once I got to the car that it was ok, and he'd be ok once we left. That was the first time she'd ever gone when we dropped him off. I don't like to go, and have only gone one other time.

An hour after I tucked Nicholas into bed, he started crying how he missed him. guess who gets to go pick up Mr. Stinkbomb from Glen's house? Oh, yeah, you know it! I'll be here waiting for all of them, making dinner and unpacking or cleaning or relaxing.

Frank did talk to Glen tonight and Rocco was fine. he had him out of the kennel and knows that Mr. Spoiled is NOT an outdoor dog and could tell by the panting; he was keeping him cool and will make sure he doesn't get overheated, as it's going to be in the 90's this weekend. UGH!

Now THIS is totally up Rocco's alley! On a bed, with his buddy, IN THE COOL HOUSE. So spoiled. (by the way, this room and decor no longer exists. this is Nicholas' room now)

By all means, please stay cool this weekend. More importantly - pain free.

Deborah

Beneficial Spirituality

I believe the question was something along the lines of "how do I find spirituality beneficial with Migraine Disease?" And my answer is that my faith in God, in Jesus as my Saviour is beneficial in every aspect of my life, including Migraine disease.

I did, however, find myself without my personal relationship with Him, the closeness I had with Him, when I was going through the worst of my pain and suffering from the disease. It was also then, when I reached out to Him again, and trusted Him to get me through it. He did.

Just like any relationship, one with my Saviour takes great time, work, energy. But the difference with Him is that He did something for me that nobody else could ever do; He died for me. For ME! How do I walk away from that on a daily basis? But I do. And yet, He loves me. So much more than I could ever fully understand.

He loves me. He gets me through my toughest times; by prayer, answered prayer. Not just mine, but those who prayed for me. I do believe I was in terrible morbid shape just three years ago; only He could get me through that. And daily, He still does. I am thankful. Endlessly thankful.

So how does spirituality help me? Prayer to my Saviour on a daily basis. Reading my Bible and being in His House with my family, all make a difference. It is also so wonderful to see my children falling in love with Him and serving Him on their own, with their own faith. Christina and Nicholas will be getting baptized soon after vacation. I can't wait.

Praying you are headache free

Deborah

Playing with my webcam. It sure was a lot of fun watching my weirdos making faces. I had to keep showing Nicholas where the eye of the camera was because he kept looking at himself instead.

Look how big our Pancakes is getting! Now that we've separated them, Hyrup is finally eating. No more mating for these two lovebirds.

My children are strange. They get it from their Mother. And I just wouldn't have it any other way.

On a completely different note; I called my insurance company this morning regarding the Namenda. How interesting this is going to turn out to be. I have been referred back to my doctors office to tell them to appeal, as it is not MY responsibility but my MDs to appeal. With much needed information such as, why I need to take the drug like: what other drugs I've tried and failed, any adverse affects, etc.

So, I called the office with this information. Talked to the nurse who I normally talk to; and she basically tried to get the information she had more available (like in my file) from me. "Ok, so what have you tried?"

I have tried so so many different medications over the years, and have had either no luck or very bad reactions, and I honestly can't remember all of them. Can you? I explained this. And that she had my information. To which she replied, "Yes, but you have a two-volume file and this is a vacation week." Oh, I guess that would be my fault!

I need to say this first - when I mentioned this to Frank, he blew a gasket; but that's just Frank. Riiiight, or is it? As far as the insurance company was concerned, they weren't going to take or accept an appeal from me, just from my doctor at this point. Only his appeal will be acceptable. I can fax or mail an appeal, but they will most likely be disregarded as I am not the prescribing MD, and this medication is, you guessed it, "off-label."

I tried explaining to the kind man, and he was very kind, that there are only four drugs presently available for migraine, and well, I can't take any of them; and that they do, as my insurance company, already allow different off-label medications for me.

He insisted it wasn't so much the "off-label" practice, as it was the Namenda and the Chrysler portion of my insurance where the problem lay. hmmmmm. WHAT????

So now, I suppose I'm just to sit and wait for what exactly? Another letter of denial from the insurance company? Or a call from the office saying she has my nice condensed file all figured out and my med list updated and sent to the insurance company?

I have to say, this will be the second time my doctor's office makes an appeal. Since going down on the Namenda, and I am on my final week of every other day at 5mg. I am now getting 3 migraines per week as opposed to per month on my usual dosage. Before Namenda - they were daily. Oooh, goody, something to look forward to. Great.

Here's hoping I get reapproved.

Let's hear it for the insurance company, having more power than the doctor, who spent time and money studying in prestigous schools, to become qualified to write that script, just to have it denied when you really need it - by the almighty insurance company.

Hope you have a pain-free day

Deborah

Independance Day

This post is entirely dedicated to the men and women who have served and do serve our country, in order to allow us the freedoms we still maintain.






Make no mistake about it, we are losing our freedoms little by little; yet they fight. For you. For me.











Many live, but some die. A sacrifice they knew they must take; for their country, for their cause. Their life, for yours.














Have a safe and happy Independance Day.

This incredibly non-handsome monster has been cohabitating. my chest cavity. I bark and bark and bark all stinking night long; typically when I should be sleeping peacefully. NO. I have barked myself straight into a few migraines. I. am. exhausted.

This started as just a little something on Friday, not a cough or anything like that. I just felt like something in the air was sort of, you know, bothering me. This after I came to from the cryo/migraines. I still wasn't all that well from that either.

On Saturday, my voice was hoarse and I woke with pain in my chest and I knew what was up. I called in my script for the puffer, took a Mucinex and started praying hard it wasn't going to be like the last time. This is the 4th time in the last year I've had this. What gives?? I just have to say, if it isn't one thing, it really is another.

Frank and I have been trying to sort out whether the frequent and recent migraines are a direct cause from the decrease in Namenda - DUE TO THE INSURANCE CO. (still gathering info for appeal, thank you)

I will say, the cough is beginning to die itself down. a little. and, no I didn't actually go see my doctor. I don't like taking medication for everything I get that comes around. as far as an antibiotic; as I have a small list of those that I can take. So I just treat the horrid symptoms.

On a much sweeter note; Lexi spent the weekend with us. We did some visiting while she was here. First we went to Frank's Mom's house, where she demanded, "pasta" but was unsuccessful. She apparently wanted Nonna's homemade sauce.

Then we went to my Mom and Dad's. That is the three of them posing on the swing. She was very excited to have them sit with her AND get her picture taken. She is a sweet treat. I cannot believe this child is turning 20 in October. Just unbelievable.

Everytime she comes over, she demands a shower, but she doesn't normally spend the night; this time, I treated her to a vanilla and lavendar bubble bath and I even turned the jets on for her. Which of course, had her squeeling and flapping her wings! The first time I did this, Rocco thought I was hurting her, and he stood outside the bathroom barking for her in a very nervous way. Too afraid to come in, for fear of being placed in the tub himself.

Sir Stink-a-lot is getting a bath tomorrow. And, although Frank thought he should have a Harley logo on his vest; I think he's more Hello Kitty. It is afterall, all about the attitude. This pup is a major softie.

Well, I'm off to bark myself to sleep now. Wishing you pain-free days. and nights.

Deborah

What a week this has been. I'm sure the picture pretty much explains all I need to say.

Yesterday I went for my cryoanalgesia procedure, in hopes of ending some of the nerve pain in my freaking skull that refuses to completely ever end!

Now many have asked me, "what exactly is Cryoanalgesia?" In short terms, it is freezing of the nerve that causes the pain in the occipital region - (for me), causing an interruption of pain impulses to the brain.

Why is it done? Ha! Why else, pain relief. It is performed to relieve pain from peripheral nerves (nerves that connect the brain or spinal column to areas outside the central nervous system). This pain often originates in the greater occipital nerves at the back of the head; the ribs, sacroiliac joints (connect the base of the spine to the pelvis), or vertebra.

Of the many, MANY procedures (etc) I've tried, this seems to work the best for me. Of course, it's not for everyone, and it can be rather, um, uncomfortable; as most procedures for migraine relief seem to be.

How is it done? This is the uncomfortable part of the procedure I was talking about; and it can be done with or without sedation. CHOOSE SEDATION. You will not be completely sedated, as your doctor needs to have your attention and know, well, where it hurts, when he hits the right spot, so to speak. I'm sure by now, you know THE spot.

Once you've been sedated, he makes a small incision into the skin, and a small probe is inserted into the area. With the probe in place, a machine connected to the probe will be turned on and a small ball of ice will form around the tip of the probe; thus freezing the nerve and interrupting transmission of the pain impulse. well, eventually. You will be feeling pain and some discomfort for the remainder of the day.

I was in full migraine for the past two days, which did NOT help matters. With that and not being able to drink prior to the procedure, making me dehydrated; spiked me into a nice big ol' 8. Needless to say, I spent the day on the couch with ice on my head, drinking a wonderful new gingerale/green tea combo that Frankie found for me. which, since I love love LOVE it, it will probably go off the market within the next 3 months. I hate that.

I feel so much better today. Thank you Toradol. thank you cryo. and ice. and much much prayer. Thank you Lord. I'm sure by tomorrow, I'll be even better.

Happy Anniversary Frank.
wishing you all a pain-free weekend
deborah

Swamp Rat

Ok, so not so much THAT rat, but a little more on the side of.........

this type of rat. Yesterday, Nicholas ran in his first ever race; the Swamp Rat Run.

He ran a mile, very intense I might add; and in just under 11 minutes. Not only were we proud of him, but he was proud of himself. His first ribbon ever!!!! I can't wait to make a nice plaque of this (below) picture, with the ribbon and his number. I'm just so creative that way and all savey-savey with stuff that the kids are rewarded or make. I'm a regular closet horder.

not that I horde closets, because that would just be weird, but now that I think about it, we do have a LOT of closet space. anyhoooo

How adorable is he though. He was very sticky and sweaty, but cute.

Ah yes, Tuesday; this was the very cold (think global warming) and rainy evening of the DMB concert. We. froze. our. behinds. off! I must say though, Dave and the boys - just totally fantastic awesome stupendous and incredible. duh, goes without saying. The weather, on the other hand, well, let's just say the global warming got to me again! HA






Oh, and we (Frank) finally realized my need for a more powerful camera. and the crowd roared - yeah!!!!!!

On another note, I am finally done decorating the windows in this house! My neck is killing me from this dangerous and rather hideous chore. Not to mention, expensive! I hate, hate, HATE hanging curtains. curtain rods and such. It is a seriously painful task. Oh no, we still have the stupid kitchen and office to do yet. They can wait until after vacation because I just need a vacation and I don't know if I have anything left in me right now. these rooms require full makeovers. I will get a new stove out of the deal. Frank will get a new office and I will be re-organizing it so my scrapbooking area and the kids homework area are, well, homeworkable. it's going to be a big project. Like I said, after vacation. for both.

I think I just exhausted myself thinking about it. so goodnight for now. I will probably not sleep. hey, maybe I'll just look at office pics online. no no no that just will not do. kitchens!

oh bother. I'm getting a migraine.