Oh well oh well so here we stand,
But we stand for nothing
My heart calls to me in my sleep
How can I turn to it
'Cause I'm all locked up in this
Dark place -
And I do not know
I'm as good as dead
My head aches -
Warped and tied up I need to kill this pain
My head won't leave my head alone
And I don't believe it will
Until I'm dead and gone
My head won't leave my head alone
And I don't believe it will
Until I'm six feet underground
How long I'm tied up
My mind in knots -
My stomach reels
In concern for what I might do or
What I've done
It's got me living in fear
Dave Matthews Band
So the cryoprocedurething - yeah, it hurt. I didn't want the Versed because, well, it usually triggers another migraine, so I opted to stay awake during the procedure. And if I choose to go thru it again, I'll probably do it the same way. Call me crazy. It didn't last long, and it was probably helpful to be awake, as he was able to pinpoint the very spot that makes me go, "OW!" As he did, several times. OW OW OW So, now, I'm hoping it worked. So far, not so much. Still feeling a small hatchet bouncing it's way from the right to left of my head, so gracefully. NOT. OH, then there's the steel ball that finds it's way to my eyebrow. What is up with that? At least I have my new DMB to keep me company. Not the above lyrics, those are for the migraine. I wonder if maybe he had one when he wrote that song?
I bought tickets last year to a concert and had to sell them(due to illness, of course) to a friend, who enjoyed the show very much! We're hoping this year to see them together at SPAC! I have seen a very awesome tribute band of theirs, One Sweet World, and can't wait to see them again. They packed in the casino in town a few weeks ago. Very sweet. And, I lived to tell of it afterward. So perhaps, I can handle a big show. I am willing to try this year. Hey, I'm going for vaca this year.
So, I got nothin left
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
Oh well oh well so here we stand,
Sunday, February 25, 2007
The Prednisone - did nothing. Well, other than the acne it caused, it did nothing for the Migraine it was supposed to suppress. Tomorrow, I am scheduled for my cryoprocedure - you know, the big freeze. On the right side. We'll see how that goes.
The unfortunate thing is this; the new and improved, yeah, that's it! whatever. The new dilemma anyway, have been plaguing my left side. That is what nailed me yesterday. Rather, it was more like a hatchet. not even the "friendly" ice pick that usually gets me, no, this time it was a rusty and very cold hatchet. I could see it as it was coming into my skull; deeper and deeper down my face, slicing my eye socket. I'm still feeling the residual pain today. It's not as bad as yesterday. yet. But it's all still there. And I am so tense. From my shoulders up. No, pretty much everywhere. No sleep lastnight. I am spent. The pain is bouncing, as it was yesterday; back and forth, from the left side, back to the right. BANG. BANG. BANG. BANG.
And I know the procedure is always a bit of two-steps back, before I feel any progress; so do I go for it? Or cancel? Call my Neuro and get in for the IV meds now while I'm just ahead of the game? I can actually feel myself losing the control all over again. I feel the inside of my head swelling. The "pressure-like" feeling. Off balance. So, what to do.
The aura have been more than exciting and dramatic to watch. Ever-increasing with their intensity; which means the pain scale goes up. As it did yesterday. It's moving up right now. The flashing and jiggling are happening as I type this. It was about this time yesterday when it all unfolded on me. Here we go again. I can feel my stomach now, getting very uneasy; so the Zofran I took an hour ago was of no use. Gotta go
Friday, February 23, 2007
Feeling a bit like a rabid cat, strung out on espresso, after a long night of hunting; yet being hunted itself by wolves. That about sums up my trip to the (hated) mall with my uterine deposites. I mean, my babies. No, today, they are going to be referred to as the UD's.
What had started as a pretty hellacious week; me being in the never-ending nightmare of migraine - yeah, again. Not to mention, dare I forget, the jack-hammering that accompanied my own fierce pounding - my house is, let's just say, less than perfect right now. I was feeling guilty for not being able to go anywhere with the UD's for both afore mentioned reasons. So I thought it would be a great day to head out the dreaded mall ( stupid, I know!) and spend the day there.
Yesterday, the plan was to see a movie and do a little, NOTE the word "LITTLE" shopping. And as you can probably guess, it just didn't turn out that way.
Cinderisa had it in her mind she wanted a certain pair/type, can we say UGLY style of shoe, and I was on the more "practicle" state of mind. So, we clashed. If you'll just scroll down to the pic of her on the first day of school, the one where she isn't smiling, but smirking - yeah, that's the face I had today. Precious.
After oh, I really don't remember how many stupid shoe stores we ventured into, I'd had enough of the face, the attitude, the stress. No freaking shoes! Forget it, we'll go to KMart, can you stand it????? another day.
Off to Claire's with the Catmawler and she was so easy. Almost too easy, as she hasn't been too much this week. Even Nick was blessed with a treat. A cute little McQueen necklace. he's jazzed.
The real fun was the toy store for him; he shops like me - indecisive. We were there too long. Before the stress really hit me, we actually had fun in Pottery Barn Kids. You know, even if I had the money to buy the cute kitchen appliances for the UD's, no, wait - what am I saying, I would SO buy the appliances. They are something sweet. I think I want to get a job there just so I can play with the cool toys. Rather, assist the other UD's that come into the store; show them how to appropriately utilize the INCREDIBLY EXPENSIVE STUFF MY KIDS WILL NEVER SEE!
So tonight, after they are
ditched from a speeding minivan dropped off at their Dad's, Frankie and I are going to dinner with my sis and hubby. Hello crabcakes! Outback it is.
I just realized why I'm so freaking hyped up! FIVE DAYS OF PREDNISONE!!!!!!!! Feeling the need to scream. I actually said things to the UD's in the mall today that I normally don't say. Eew, scary. I probably looked like (oh boy), "one of those Mothers" . Oh well, deal with it! It's over.
So having a glass of wine tonight! hello Doobie Blues!!!! Gotta love NY wines.
Ciao all. have a great weekend.
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
Monday, February 19, 2007
Not much sleep again lastnight. Mostly the pretty, swirling paisley aura. I really must paint them. First, they are grey; in the form of a rectangle. Going around the rectangle; swirling around it. Then they flash a brilliant blue like a bolt of lightning. Fast. Quick. Not quite seeing it at first. Just a dot here and there. A pen-dot. As they come, each time, they grow bigger. Swirling faster. They begin to make a "Zigging" sound. A very fast sound. I wonder if I'm really hearing it. It jolts my body when I do. So, yeah, I suppose I'm hearing it.
I've put a call in to my doc; not sure what he's going to prescribe. Fortunately, it's been months since I've been this sick. Since I've had to be hospitalized. No, not that! I can feel myself starting to slip away, and it scares me. On the plus side, it's been a great ride. I have had a wonderful time with my husband and kids. We are actually planning to take our vacation this year. Doesn't that just figure. We didn't go last year because of me. No, because of Migraine. We didn't go because of my illness. But we are planning on the trip this year. We WILL go! I will not let them down again this year. We will feel the sand in our toes. Meet up with our friends in Virginia. And I will hope to see my friend Dave there this year! Oh please oh please oh please!!!!! be there this year when we go!
Yes, we will be taking our vaca no matter what. I hate this freaking disease!! I'm sick of it robbing my body of life. Not this time. Not again. This is where we will be standing in July!
Saturday, February 17, 2007
I sent an email to a friend last week asking her, "Got snow?" And then we got this. This is a picture of Nicholas, on a chair, looking out over the snow on the back deck. On. a. chair. ON. A. CHAIR!
This is where we let Rockhead out to go to poop hill. Waay out there in the distance. But the snow is too deep for him to get thru. The tracks are not from him, oh no, no no NO!! Those are mine. I trudged myself up the stairs to the deck to rake the roof. Houston, we have a very big problem! Ice and snow is building up on the roof in major proportions. I hate WINTER!
When you open the front door, again, this is all you see. More white....... stuff. It took three times to get it down. Three times for me and Cinderisa to get it shoveled to look like this. We still can't get mail delivered to the box out front. Why? Because the plow keeps burying it with more SNOW!!!
It just keeps piling up and piling up. The kids had 2 snow days this week; but I kept them home on Thursday, because it was terrible out. I think we totaled almost 3 feet in the past 3 days. Not as bad as Mexico getting 10, but still crazy!
It is very beautiful on the pine trees! ONLY on the pine trees.
OK, now it can all go away! The storm has brought on a whole new front to my migraine storm. Lastnight I was hit by a train-like migraine out of nowhere! It's preety much been like this all week. Ice picks, aura, tingling in the tongue and mouth. Back to the round of abortives for a few days. Hoping it will work its magic. Praying it will just leave me alone.
Monday, February 05, 2007
The weather here totally freaking sucks! Plain and simple. School was closed. Winds were high. Farenheit was near zero. Now, we are experiencing the Lake Effect snow. We could get up to 8 inches. of. snow. tonight.
Poor Frank pulled his back at work on Friday. He's in pain. Today, I had to take him in to see the doc; and while we were there, sitting forever, I noticed it suddenly getting darker in the waiting room. So I asked him if he noticed it too. Cause I thought it was pretty weird. But he didn't.
I should have known. Actually, the thought had crossed my mind, but I ignored it. Then the tingly feeling across my face, and in my eye the shooting pain. Oh, yeah, here we go. And then, it started to brighten up. So I thought, maybe I was in the clear.
He was called into a room; and as she was taking his vitals, I suddenly felt the shooting pain, the ice pick again. But this time, it was different. This time it hit my left side. I typically get them on the right. And I have had Migraines on the left, but not the ice pick. This one was knocking me dizzy and off-balance, and just plain off my center of me. And naturally, Frank noticed it, because I had that dazed and confused look about me. All of a sudden, the focus was no longer on the patient, but me. I really just wanted my abortive and water. They were very kind, but seriously, what could they do?
Frank will be getting some much-needed PT for his back, and right now is feeling slightly better.
I have been feeling gross all stinking day!! I'm not so sure the block did much good either. I think this freezing, frigid arctic blast of crazy cold is really making matters much worse. So long mascara, because, I just gotta say, it's not tear-proof. I have been just tearing crazy today.
I'm going to bed!
Thursday, February 01, 2007
Once upon a time, there was a Princess named Cinderisa. Cinderisa was the most outgoing and fun-loving, (bear with me here, try NOT to look at the pic) of her peers. She had a radiant smile and her laughter filled the hallways of our
But not on this day. For this was the First Day of School, and the Queen needed to get her pic before she left the safety of the
QUEEN: "Smile for Mommy, Cinderisa! You're wearing a dress and everything. You look like a girl!
CINDERISA: "Mom, you're such a jerk! I don't want my stupid picture taken!
(FLASH- that is where above photo was taken)
QUEEN: "If you don't smile and let me get a good one, I'll be forced to drive you to school in my pajamas. And take pics of your friends with you. You'll be the only one not smiling and.......
(she cuts me off quickly)
Yes, I know, I know. She is smiling here. She was quite pleased with herself; thrilled how the colors all worked so well together. But as I sat there inspecting her, I noticed her apprehension in showing me her backside. Hmmmmm
QUEEN: "Ok, Catmawler (OH, insert sound of screaming and hissing cats when you see her name. You'll get it later), give mama a little spin. K
CATMAWLER: "Well, my shirt is hiding it.
QUEEN: "Define IT" for me please. Just turn around"
(now she is becoming rather, defensive. Picture a fluffy tail getting full, if you will)
CATMAWLER: "Mom, I don't know what happened, but I swear they fit when I tried them on, and now the stupid things won't zip all the way!" (she is now heavily irritated, blaming the stupid pants for suddenly getting smaller in a weeks time.)
QUEEN: "Ok, just go put the other pants on, and we'll take them back, no big deal." (that's what I think!!)
CATMAWLER: (major hissing at this point ) "Well, I don't see why I can't just wear them today! (----> me pointing to her room) It's not (all together now) FAIR!!! If you let me wear them, I promise I won't get them dirty."
QUEEN: "Chris, they look terrible. Do I have to explain the bathing suit thing to you again."
To which she bolts to her room, loudly, very loudly, and slams her door. And comes out like this:
Hey, I didn't pick out the clothes! By the way, other than the stupid saying on the shirt, it was a great outfit! I recently recycled that shirt, like as in this week. Now it's 2lost 2ever be found! hahahahah. That made her hiss too.
Nicholas, on the other hand, he wasn't at all concerned about what he wore! Nope, little boy genious just wanted to get on the bus! He was having a ball getting lots of pics taken for school, as I was trying to keep him from getting dirty while he ran.
I realize the pics are a tad outdated, but some of them I just took in for developing. Yeah, I looked in the camera and there was a roll of film. And for the rest I'm just starting to have fun with my new digital toy. Which brings me to this:
I'm still learning. This was his Halloween costume. Can you guess what he was? I posted it back in oh, probably October. He wanted to be a piece of cinnamon toast. So we made him one together. Oh, I took the pic yesterday. We can now recycle the toast.
Take a guess at who the Beast was:He was none other than Shrek. This was the last of the film, so we didn't get a very good pic. He made an excellent Ogre. He pretty much had the scent down, too.
The goon squad. These two little sweeties were making birthday cards for Nonno. This is Ms. Vanessa. Ain't she purdy!!
And the last two pics are of Hyrup. Just after Bosco's first little escapade into his tank. Which, he still tries to get into on a daily basis. I just had a thought!! I wonder if it has anything to do with catnip OD he had when he first came here!
No joke! I went to the grocery store, got a bag of nip; and as I was doing the usual in-and-out trips carrying the luggage in, on my final trip, I noticed one of the bags had been knocked off the table. Weird. Rockhead was still in his crate. Nala was too small, and never got on the table. I hadn't given Bosco a thought. I go about the business of putting the hordes of food away, and notice this trail of green leaving the kitchen. So I follow it, with a huge ? in my head. Seriously not knowing where it may have come from. I go to the end of the line, and there is Bosco, bag of catnip tore open, all over the living room and he is just rolling in the stuff! Not to mentioned, covered in it.
I took the remainder of the bag and put it in the drawer of the sofa table. I thought he couldn't possibly get it there. Later that day, I notice another trail, and the bag. Again. So now I blame the kids, of course. The cat isn't able to open the drawer. Opposable thumbs. Naturally it was Ididn'tdoit's fault. But I couldn't seem to locate him.
That night, after the very little remains of the stuff were back in the drawer, I watched as he went to the table, and from under the drawer, shoved his paw in and grabbed out the bag. If I hadn't seen it myself, I never would've believed it. This cat was hooked and not to mention, he was so totally stoned.
So I ask, could his rather slow abilities be from his insane hunger for nip early on? Did it interfere with his brain development? I think the possibility is a good one. Or a bad one, depending on how you look at it. He is very young, will be celebrating his 2nd birthday next month. Hmm, should we get him some nip?? He hasn't had any since then. You know, I do have to get groceries today........