Wednesday, November 08, 2006

15 minutes of FAME

Ok, not so much fame, as maybe, "wow, look at THIS!" So I go to my docs yesterday, I mean, I needed to show him my new shake. I'm not talking Shakira; although, if I keep going at this pace, there is a fairly good chance I may actually GET into shape.

I am seriously shaking, jerking, moving, quite violently at times; all involuntarily. And Frank just looks at me and asks, "Are you ok?" several times. To which I respond, "Couldddn't bbbe betttddter" with a smile. so now he starts to jerk with me. we laugh. Of course, to neither of us, it's really not so funny; but we must laugh at this, too. Where does the anger get us anyway? let's not go there.

As I'm desperately trying to keep my cool in the chair, which is quite stiff and making matters worse for me, I'm feeling every muscle from my right shoulder twinge and scream and writhe with pain, as the left leg is pulling itself up, and yet, I am trying to keep it down. I'm failing. Meanwhile, the monster in my head is getting it's own signal, and the nausea starts, the pain begins to throb on the right side of my head - I see the lady with the frying pan hitting herself - and I feel it hitting mine.. Now I am consumed. First with the twitching I can't stop, and now the pain in my head that is throbbing. Total control. I try so hard to gain some sort of control, breathing slowly and deep. Not working, I feel the chair becomming looser from the floor. I feel as if I'm going to fall backward in it. Quietly, I am talking myself down calmly - telling myself that somehow it's my fault. I'm doing it to myself and I can make it stop - but try as I might, I can't. I absolutely cannot make it stop. And then I feel a hand on my shoulder and I jump and my muscles are in an even higher level of despair.

He asks me to perform a few simple tasks, to which normally would be simple - but I am spastic right now; awkward, I feel like I'm in a body that is no longer my own. AGAIN. And I explain how long this has been happening, sometimes vaguely; but of late, more pronounced. (just get me out of this body that refuses to work! I'm too young for this!) He looks for someone who knows about "this type of problem." Oh no, not another problem! But this person is out.

Enter my 15 minutes of fame! Oh yeah. "I need to get this on tape!" Kidding right! Is what I'm thinking, but no, he's serious. And I understand why. ($100,000 Funniest patient videos!!!!) NOT. So, out comes the video, and away I go - and I couldn't help but laugh. Because, he said something funny; and because Frank was making jerky movements. Yeah, making fun of me. This was just too weird for me, but I did it. I even had my prettty high-step horse prance (minus the whinnie) although I was sooo tempted. Clutching Frank's arm for dear life, up the dreaded hallway ( that always sets me in great neurobarfarama) and then down again. High-steppin and prancing and all. (insert pretty horsey sounds)

A muscle-relaxant later, did make things calm down lst ight. Right now;however, I'm about ready to throw myself off the chair fromt he jerking. I guess time will tell, after a few tests what is going on. Nicholas started laughing at me at lucnh today, little stinker. I just warned him, and said, "careful, THIS could happen o you!" He stopped smiling. So I just started jerking him around and made him laugh.

This should make life interestng: Frank is having a little surgery tomorrow to have the battery changed in his pace maker. I get to drive!

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