Saturday, November 18, 2006

Open Mouth, Insert......

So here's the scene: I'm in line for postage stamps at Wegman's, just finished the grocery shopping for the week. (Can I just say this first? wait, my blog, of course I can!) Has anyone else noticed the price of EVERYTHING in the store going up by cents per week?? EVERY week? I used to get my bulk p-towels for $3.99, then it was 4.19, this week, it was 4.59. It's not like they've actually put more stinking paper per role or anything. In fact, my weirdo conspiracy mind is thinking, maybe they are taking a few sheets per roll OFF!!!! What about the tuna??? They lured me into the wonderful taste of white albacore at a pretty 59cents per can. I can't get near the stuff anymore without paying over $1 a can for the stuff. Not to mention, they stick their oh-so-attractive-so-called-savings-in-bright-YELLOW-SALE-STICKER in front of it, trying to get me to buy the stuff. Now I can't get my nose near the "other" tuna I ate for years, because it smells like CAT FOOD!! AND makes me litterally gag when I have to open it for the kids, because they now WANT tuna fish!!!! So what gives here?

But that wasn't the real reason I came here today. I needed to share a little stupidity I had yesterday. Out of the mouth of my very own. Have you ever, no I'm sure nobody has EVER done this, well not THIS, because this was classic; anyway, have you ever just popped out a statement, and realized, oops, not meant for what YOU were thinking!! Yeh, that was me yesterday:

So after I, begrudgingly, ha ha, handed my check (she had to pull it from me actually) over from my incredibly small purchase, I headed to the Service Counter. I was behind an elderly woman, who was very concerned about her pre-made pie shell, by the way. Not kidding, she insisted the graham cracker crust, in foil, in platic container, should have it's own bag, "it's very fragile!" There is a reason I'm not in public service, I would have asked her if she wanted bubble wrap. HOWEVER; it's important to know that she was in front of me. Because, a nice man came along and asked me if I needed anything. Of course, I was there for the postage stamps, which he kindly handed me. They were so pretty, all these crispy, blue snowflakes. I admired them, "Ooh, so pretty, thank you!" Like they were an early Christmas gift to me or something.

He's counting back my change to hand it to me and says, "I thought you'd prefer those over the (OK, pay attention) Madonna stamps."

("Stupid is as stupid does..") "Oh, she is such a pig!" I say, with great disgust.

Old lady with pie: A great gasp is heard from her, she turns and gives me the most disgusting look and starts to storm away with her precious stupid pie. (What is HER problem, I'm thinking!!! Weirdo Madonna lover. "Like a Virgin" is playing in my head, and I'm looking at her, storming away, thinking, "strange")

Until the other girl behind the counter starts to giggle. DUH!! And that is when it hit me; Hello Deb! Christmas! Jesus' birth! You idiot!!!

"OOH! THAT MADONNA! I was referring to the perfomer!" Tripping here all over myself, realizing the sweet Virgin MOTHER OF OUR LORD, I JUST REFERRED TO AS A P I G!!!!!!!

"Yes, she can sing, but still she's a pig, I mean - have you seen her onstage recently? In the news? I just don't care for her pro-religious acts." Which, I'm realizing is really just digging me deeper in the hole, because he SHOWS me the Madonna HE was referring to. (Insert the sound of abounding angels, "AAAHHhhhh") Sweet, wholesome, in front of pretty and colorful stained glass art.

"Really, I was referring to the singer, you know, "Like a Virgin." To which he just smiled, put the stamps away and simply said, "Next."

As I'm walking away, thinking, did he NOT know who Madonna was? It hit me, I just said, "Like a virgin!!"

There is just NO making up for this one is there? Nope, so I thought I'd share it here. Because, in reality - it's funny. When you GET both sides of the picture. I think Madonna has a very gifted and wonderful voice, I just don't particularly like to see her on a cross, or in the other realm she has put herself. It's disgusting. My blog, my opinion. Whatever! I loved her in Evita, she portrayed her, wonderfully; that is as far as I'll go wtih that.

I'm off to Penney's to do some Christmas shopping. I can only imagine where my mouth will get me today. I can only imagine.


ErinM said...

That was hilarious. So hilarious, in fact, that I called my husband over to read it for himself.

Thanks for providing us entertainment for the morning!

Anonymous said...

Greetings and giggles at your ambiguous situation this morning. question for ya. I work in a grocery here in sc, how did my little old lady customer get up there so quick, im pretty sure she was just in my store last nite. she had the exact change..... somewhere,,,,,,,,,in her pocketbook.........(guessing bottom) as she slowwwwlyyy separated pennies from dimes. ( are you sure that was a penny i think it was a dime let me see it) all i could do was smile sympathetically with the customers behind her.

teri said...

Oh, no, Deborah! Thank you for sharing this. LOL!

Hope you're well,
Teri Robert

Anonymous said...

btw, i am electronically challenged and have no idea whatsoever how to become a registered blogger(registered voter yes registered parent volunteer yes, but not registered blogger. whatever a blogger is ( jogging jello comes to mind) thats why i am anonymous. my email is if you have to contact me. i dont know how this forum operates

Jackie said...


Btw, if you want a Christmas card, I still need you to e-mail me your address! lol, jtaylor at memlane dot com

Have a great day!!

terri said...

deb, that was simply a wonderful blog. i laughed so hard. makes you realize how our celebrity-obsessed world seeps into our souls. madonna no longer means the holy mother. she is now some lewd, inescapable celebrity we could all live fine without!

i'm calling my boyfriend right now and tell him to read it! too funny!