Saturday, November 04, 2006

How to Grow Socks - 101

Not for the light-hearted. Due to the content of this here post, any and all persons with non-humor, sick stomachs, or ill minds; please click on back arrow and leave said post immediately. Please keep hands in at all times, remain seated and for the love of all persons with migraines around you, NO SCREAMING!

To my husband, children, dog, doctors, friends and guests who must enter my home, or basically anyone; and I mean ANYONE, who must endure the unfortunate mishap of reaching my parts, below the hip, above the ankle; from now until May 1, 2007; I hereby withdraw my participation in SHAVING of said legs due to unfortunate discontinuation of warmth in these here parts in and around my living conditions. I have decided, therefore, to grow instead, for purposes to maintain my own heating status, SOCKS, for my own comfort. I refuse to lather the wonderful aroma of shaving gel to said legs, and apply machete to my attributes for this time, as not to gouge, disarray, or cause unknown wear and tear to my new socks for this time trial. If you, in any way, see this as offensive, (I love you Frank, that you think it's sexy to grow socks - you weirdo), bite me, I mean, just you try this experiment yourself. I believe this may contribute to lower heating costs, insulation (pants, socks - you get the point), and basically, less soap and blades. No, I'm not feeling lazy. I hate being COLD! You hate the cold - so I say, we should all grow socks.

Anyone slightly interested, simply hang up your machete on your man's mantle, copy and paste this document to him. Sign. Simple as that. And then, just grow yourself what God intended you to have for winter; one extra piece of insulation - handgrown wooly socks. Don't forget to send pics of socks before the big shave off.

No comments: