Friday, January 12, 2007

Back again! YEAH

Well, we are back online; sporting a new, fairly used, yet waaaaaay updated computer. With too much gig, whatever that is for me to handle. The screen is so big, it's blinky. I need to use sunglasses. Seriously.

I'd like to thank those who have commented on my last post, because, well, first of all, any comments are awesome. But, mostly, this situation is really a sticky one. This isn't the first time this word has entered my vocab, nor will it be the last.

Unfortunately, my own folks (embarrassement inserted) use it on a regular basis, like I use commas. Actually, more than I use bad commas. And knowing full well, that Frank's children are, YEAH Dad, BLACK!!!!!!!!! Like it makes a difference. Oh, and the sick racial jokes he(my father) sends to his(Frank's) email box just kill me. But whatever. Some people just don't get it. Don't want to, don't care. that is the case in point here, I believe.

How do you stop complete ignorance in it's tracks anyway? Certainly not with ignorance, I've found. To me, personally, I refuse to lower myself to someone else's standards. Why serve rudeness with rudeness? It just festers more pain - for yourself. And they gain the upperhand in their quest for ignorance again. But there should be some kind of common ground; to make them come to an understanding of sorts, to help them to see the way of their words, as a knife in your heart. I suppose, in my case, it has been separation. and it really has made no difference. Because it has been earned.

At first, I was the one wounded by it. Slowly, I became hardened. Now, I am healed from their bitterness towards me. But not the anger and separation they show to my children, my husband and my step-children. Not the phoney affection that comes in it's form of materialism. My daughter's are too smart for this. They learned at a much younger age than I. My son refers to them, not as his grandparents, but as, "My Mom's, Mom and Dad." and it's not from lack of understanding. He is a very bright little guy for six. It is for a lack of their presence in his life. And my life. And my sister's life, her children's lives. Make no mistake, they have chosen who they will cherish as grandchildren, daughter, son; and, really, it's ok by me. I have no envy anymore. I've hung that green monster up. It's now my sister's turn, and my daughters' turns.

But when they choose to throw that word around my home, when they DO come around, I'll show them the door. Because that word, the "n" word, is not, I repeat, NOT welcome in my home.

Now I have a lot to learn on this new machine. Have a great weekend.


Harmonica Man said...

Wow - good for you for staking your convictions. Standing up to your parents is not an easy thing to do, but sometimes is necessary for everyone's sake.

You're a couragious woman and a wonderful mother. Love will conquer ignorance every time.

Emily said...

hi! just thought i'd give you an idea for the screen brightness.

if you hold down the function button (Fn) and hit the down arrow, the screen will gradually get darker. this has been a LIFESAVER for me.

also, the function button is in the bottom LH corner. just in case you've never noticed it before.