Monday, August 07, 2006

Dancing Nancies

They looked something like this; geometrical whirling, black and white objects dancing around, at first in a nice slow motion. They were triangular and diamond in shape, each making up circles. Dancing left, then right, slowly picking up speed. I was totally mesmerized, trancelike. And then, with a "zipping" sound, the brilliant blue (like this blue actually), came in a flash, from the right eye, in a beam that stopped directly in my vision. I couldn't escape it or the sound, which was getting louder and louder. Then with the sound came the piercing pain in my left ear, the stinging of the sewing needle; and the numbing of my lips, and the black sand that drowned my sight of only the right eye. At this point, the spinning of the shapes was getting faster and bigger behind the beam, and the scream was louder. Finally, I woke up, but it was STILL THERE. Stink, it wasn't a dream afterall. It's another aura, which means, well, you know and I know what the beautiful yet scary dreamlike aura mean - Migraine. Whether it comes early or later today; hangs on all day in it's typical 3-4 form and then pounces on me at a raging 8 or 9 is to be dreaded. The anxiety is the hateful part.

There have been days where I've had the aura, not like this one, and no migraine. But this baby, tells me that something new is brewing. Yesterday, there was the 'lead-pipe-to-the-back-of-the-head' as I call it. And that is pretty much what it feels like. I'm just sitting there minding my own business, and out of completly nowhere, BAM I get nailed with what feels like a bat or pipe or someone hitting me with something hard and long, smack in the back of my head. It's literally brought me to my knees at times, makes my eyes water just from the pain it brings on. Frank can always tell when that hits just from what I do, head juts forward FAST like something hit me. I just wonder what is going on in my head at that particular time that makes that intense pain occur. It's like someone has a voodoo doll of me, (ME?) and just wacks her with a little hammer, for the fun of it.

Maybe the aura today are the stars I should've seen yesterday from the voodoo blow. My own Dancing Nancies I saw this morning, I really should've seen when I got whacked. Maybe one day, that final blow, will be the one I hear inside my head . The "popping" I hear deep inside my skull, that makes my legs go weak and stupid, that makes my lips go numb and I lose the feeling on the side of my face, will one day be loud and strong enough to be just that, a final blow. It makes me wonder, the sounds, what are they? It's not in my ear, where I hear them. Do you hear them? Do you wonder what they are?

So what are they? Does anyone know? Wishing all a pain-free day.

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