Friday, August 25, 2006

Caution - Hormones Raging! Stay Back 500 Feet

There should be a sign on my front door, or one coming both ways toward my house with the warning. Not for me, mind you; for the two raging maniacs I bore from my uterus. This "warning" should be posted with flashing lights, sirens, the works. How is it that they get it at the same time? And WHY????

I can remember the day, Friday, January 13th. Yeah, no joke, Friday the 13th! I am by no means a supersticious creature by nature - it was merely coincidence . A funny one at that. Cinderisa was first. She actually wanted it. We all wanted it as girls. Remember, Are You There God, it's Me, Margaret?, case in point. Well, she wanted it, her friends had it, and then, BOOM - she got it! At the appropriate age of 13. I, being the crazy Mom that I am, made all of the necessary phone calls to my friends and relatives, "Guess who's a little lady today????" Hey, I was excited for her! She, of course, no longer wanted what she had been anticipating; however, there is a no-return policy on this situation. A horrible lesson we've all learned too well. I gave her the ins-and-outs of being clean and sanitary about IT. A must, I believe. Told her to make sure she always kept them handy in her locker and bookbag in case of emergency - because they WILL happen.

Then Monday came, just 3 short days later and the phone rings; "Mom, (insert a lot of hysterical crying), I got my period on my chair!"
"Did you have pads with you?" I asked, knowing we just had that conversation.
"NO! Why would I have pads?"
"What do you mean, 'why would I have pads?' you should be keeping them in your locker and bookbag in case of emergency! honey" I'm reminding her
"Well I didn't know!" (lot's of sobbing and crying)
"Wait, how didn't you know, you've had it all weekend, and I told you this morning to bring pads. You DID know, sweetheart." I reminded again.
"I did NOT have my period, Mom." (more crying)
Now I'm confused.
"Who is this?" I asked, thinking maybe some little girl called the wrong house.
"It's Christina!"
So now I'm laughing hysterically at her, poor baby, and trying to calm her down. She is only 10 years old!!!!!! She isn't supposed to get her period for like 10 more years - she's my baby girl. Bratz dolls and all. Wall-to-wall stuffed animals, pink pony-tail holders - all girly-girl girl! This can't be happening!

Wow, what a week that was. It's pretty funny everytime I think of it. I wasn't even thinking at all she'd be getting it. Even though she's so much more developed than Marisa. The age thing threw me.

I had been too sick to drive at the time, and we only had one car, so I couldn't even rescue the poor thing. So I called my BFF Terri, we live for these moments - literally. This is the kind of cake and ice cream or special dinner celebration in our world! Everything is a "scrapbook moment" to us. Somehow, the period, not so much. But still, it was special. She gladly picked her up from school, supplied her with much-needed chocolate and took her to Mc D's. The kid was in hormone heaven.

And I have been in anything but ever since! These 2 girls have co-incided their periods each month, and with mine, too. But the mood swings - God help me! Or help Frank, because he just doesn't get it. You'd think by now he would.

Now Frank is wonderful about most anything that falls in his lap; this he just doesn't get. Mood swings - like we want or better yet, can control them. I try to help him understand this, but the poor guy just looks at each of us and shakes his head. While we're secretly ripping his head off BIT BY BIT, SLOWLY, V E R Y S L O W L Y, SO HE FEELS NOTHING BUT PAIN!!!!!!! Ok, so my hormones are racing right now - blame it on my girls. We don't really want to dismember him, just anyone who gets in the way.

Marisa had the mean and nasty hormone rages this month.
Christina has had the sad and weepies.
I'm on the verge of REDRUM sort of. Hopefully, it will get here, and I'll feel better. I just laugh at my girls, thinking, mine will soon be over, but YOURS HAS JUST BEGUN!!!!!!! I shouldn't laugh, because while they're under our roof, we must live with them. Their moods, the meanness, the sobbing, weaping - all of it. Nicholas just smiles and says, "you got your periods!" Not really understanding the jist of it, but to him, it's funny. It's a girl thing, and he doesn't get one. brat

Tonight, in 5 more hours actually, they go to their Dad's for the weekend; hooray! The remainder of this will pass, the moods will, no doubt, lighten up. And he will get to enjoy the rages. Enjoy Carmey. Poor Frank will have only ME to deal with for the weekend. I'm thinking a bottle of wine might just make things all better. For me or him, are you asking? Well, I guess you'll just have to wait on that.

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