Thursday, March 15, 2007

MY Super Sweet 16.....Unscripted er whatever

If you're anything like me, and well, I haven't met anyone remotely LIKE me in any way, shape or form. But, you get my point. I think. OK, if you've been bored, and have found nothing, and I stress NU THING on any given channel from 1 to 800 at any given time, and you've mindlessly strolled thru the clicker like me and stopped (stupidly I may add on my own behalf, mouth wide-open in awe) at the stupid, which really in all reality the word itself, stupid, does the show no justice. The show I'm talking about is of course My Super Sweet 16. Can I just say, give me a super damn break already!

Let me first start by saying, at 16, the first thing I got, girlfriend, was a, hold your breath here - a J. O. B. Can you stand it? No kidding. A real live one at that! Got me a job at Chuck E Cheese, as none other than the head cheese himself. (ta dum) At a big, hold onto your Escalade little brats girlies, $3.15 an hour. And I was happy. Not to mention, I did buy my own school clothes from then on. Oh, the horror of it.

And would you believe, I didn't get a car on my birthday? What. On. God's good Earth are these parents really thinking they are giving these beasts, debs, future-Paris' little Bratz dolls of society? A favor? Something better than they had? A lesson? Come on! Let the little princass, (spelling error) come and live with me for her 16th birthday. Now that would be something.

We'll call that life lesson number one. I received my first car when I turned 35. OH, AND I was in the middle of a divorce. Class-act, aren't I? 35, divorce AND first car. Yeah, the boys just came a running! There's a y'all attatched to that somewhere. and a country song. just sure of it. Let's get back to the spoiled rich kids, shall we.

Here's what I do for fun - oh, and by the way, I really, really did do this; in my favorite car at the time, my sporty 300M, hey I had a dream , a car and they met ok. Any. way!! Frank was driving, so this made life even more fun; we were at a stop light, pulled up to an old snooty guy in a very 'spensive Mercedes. Yaha. So I smiled all silly and flirty, hit the button to roll the window down, flipped my hair back, he rolled his window down, wondering why, gorgeous woman flirting with dirty old man like himself. So I say to snooty old guy, in my snootiest and haggiest voice,

"Pardon me, do you have any grey Poop on?"

To which, Frank cracks up laughing, light turns green and we take off! SO. I have no life, other than relentless, non-stop freaking-driving-me-out-of-my-ever-loving-mind-constant-never-ending-migraine-not-to-be-confused-with-headaches because let's face it, they are very different!!!

RRRRRRRRiiiiiiiight, back to the Bratz dolls with the whiney problems of Mommy and Daddy with too much money. If they really believe that buying Miss girl the most expensive dress for her biggest party; and no-one is really touching her hoo-ha. And giving her the keys to the Escalade, the beach house; the rights of passage to every gold card she feels necessary to max-out by age 17 are going to make everything alright, they are in for a major wake-up call. From a State Trooper. Or a Crime Scene Investigator. But in any case, it's just going to make her worse off. Don't give the bitch spoiled rotten brat stinking thing. Make her EARN it! What is wrong with you people? Hey, I'll take the Escalade! And her, and I'll even teach her how use some manners and respect you. Because she doesn't. She has no self-respect, so she certainly can't respect YOU!

I'm feeling a deep desire for anger management. To which I just replied to myself, and I quote, "Bite Me!"

These Migraines have gotten out of control, not like they've really been you know, controlled in a most well-mannered way lately, but, I'm feeling a need to vent on society. This is where I will do it.

Oh, then there was the stupid broad in the dean's office at my daughter's school on Monday. Sorry, Gayla, I need to say this - she wasn't even BLONDE!!@!!!!!!!

My daughter needed to leave early for dentist appointment. I wrote a note. She forgot it. She calls me FROM the deans office. From. the. Dean's. office. (did you get that?)

Her: "Mom, (major sarcasm in my voice here, because I'm seriously irritated about it still), YOU (don't you find it humorous how often the blame gets shifted? grrr) forgot to write me a note!"

ME: "No, YOU forgot the note! It was on the ledge where it always is. You were just in a usual hurry."

HER: "Now you have to come in and sign me out."

IRRITATED ME: "You're kidding right? That's exactly why I wrote the note! I don't WANT to get out of the car Marisa. Is there someone I can talk to right there?"

Gvies me stupid lady.

Stupid Lady-SL : "Hello?"

Growling Me: "Look, I need to have Marisa ready at 11:00, it's me verifying that I'll be there to pick her up"

SL: "Well, you'll need to come to the security desk to show your license"

Me: (claws engaged) "What? I'm telling you, I'll be there, and you can send her out. She just called me from your office. I don't understand why I need to show my license!"

SL: "Well she doesn't have a note"

ME: (now with fangs) "can I do this with a fax? do you have a fax number? "

SL: "Oh, yes you can do that, make sure you have your signature on it."

ME; "oh, you don't want my 6 year old to sign it?"

SL: "excuse me" gives me the number

I slam the phone after banging on the desk a few times real hard. plastic flying all over the office. write note and fax to school. get ready, show up at school. wait. wait. wait. WAIT, FOAM AT MOUTH. SEETHE.

Get sweet, singing six-year old out of van, who at this point, does not deserve deranged psycho Mom who wants someone's head on platter. Go to security, somehow, my jaw has been forced into the back of my spinal column by madness. Hmmmm, I think I know why my head hurts so bad. Or, could this just be part of vicious cycle going round and round and round round. Don't you wish you could be me for one freaking day?

Security lady, with gun?! hmmm: "Can I help ;you?"

Me: ("Probably, but are you willing?") "Yes, my daughter was supposed to meet me outside,"

Security: tells me to go to room 115, I'm thinking she's in some kind of trouble. Uh oh. what happended?

I go to 115, the door says: DEAN

Now, I'm pissed. I can feel my ears turning this color ! Stupid lady asks me what I can do for her, to which I say, "I want my daughter!"

SL: "What is her name?"

Me: glaring and very pissed, "Marisa" no last name given

SL: "Oh, yes, let me call her down"

Me: " you know, she was supposed to have already been down! I spoke with someone this morning, but that wasn't good enough. So I asked for a fax number..."

she cuts me off with,

"That was me you spoke with"


SL: "Well, you had yesterday's date written on the fax."

ME: in complete and utter disbelief. "Are you kidding me? You've got to be kidding me! I spoke to YOU. You gave me the fax number for today. TO. DAY. And yet, I still needed to come in here because of an inccorrect date. You couldn't let that go or call me back??!!! Do you have any idea how much time of mine you have wasted, not to mention the time of others?Do you care that you've inconvenienced me and others?"

Meanwhile, Nick is dancing in the hallway, thank you, Lord. Because I was just plain freaked out! And I don't normally do that. But I did. And the really weird thing is, yeah, there's more, I know - the song, "If I Had a Hammer" was going thru my head afterward. Just that part though.

When I dropped Marisa back off, I told her to tell the lady that her Mom said she was Knowing she wouldn't dare because I'd have to clean her tongue with tobasco or something horrid. I know, then I'd have to call CS on myself.

So one of my favorite days is coming up, and it's not my birthday. Because, afther like the 20's nobody really cares about them anymnore. That's my brain doing that, and I don't feel like fixing the errors so deal with it. Be thankful you're not getting the hammer in top of your head that comes afterward. NOW THAT is where the fun begins my friend. Now we're takling messed up. No wonder I'm so pissed and vinegar lately. So my favorite day is April 1, yes I'm a real oflfd fashioned fool at heart. I love to play a joke on the ones I love. Be unready. C

Time for the couch.


Emily said...

at last!! my visual verification is working! i don't know what the heck has been wrong for the past few weeks.

in any case, i've seen that sweet stupid 16 show before. ridiculous.

couldn't believe that lady at school. what is her deal?

hope your feeling as well as is possible today. :)

Harmonica Man said...

Finally got the chance to check out this post. I definitely feel like I got my money's worth. There's like 5 posts in one there! ;-)

deborah said...

your $'s worth? yeah, pay up baby!

Em, the lady at school, she was just plain old dumb.

I watched a funny movie lastnight; The Wedding Crashers, laughed my fool head off so bad, gve myself a bigger migraine. it was so worht it. doing it again tonight.

thank you so very much for your comments. I love feedback