congress, insurance, infusion, oh my

This is what I do to Rocco for fun. This 2nd pic is how he wants you to think he feels about it.

But in reality, I told him it was for a photo shoot for the Little Rascals and there was a Scooby Snack in it for him. Then I said, NOT!!!!! And he didn't get the Scooby Snack.

I am not a normal person. I believe I have noted this before. I am just stating it again. What is normal anyway? well-adjusted? uptight. I dno't think i want that for me anyway.

I have what feels like 300 pounds of cold, hard ceement. on my back and neck. It's just pushing me further and further to the ground. It's slamming the back of my head every once in a while with a cold pipe that's jutting it's way out of the bag.

Oh, did I mention the sound effects? I odn't believe I did. Let me got there for ya can I? I'm sure you've seen us in the news with the CSX boo-boo's lately. Well, if you've ever heard a train screaching it's breaks; have you seen Polar Express? Imagine, if you will, bursts of those screaching breaks coming from one ear to the enxt, in little cloud bursts, but loud bursts. I can't really explain what I mean there. They come in a puff, so to speak. fast, loud,come and gone. Not sure if you've heard it. Scares you. un-nerving the way it comes. little blips o f lights and flashes interrupted my slppe again lastnight. perhaps that may have a little to do with it all.

Imagine my delight a few months back, at my neuro's office to hear the words, "infusion center." followed by, "opening in October." which, knowing we here in the US means, well, nothing short of, months, followed by paper work and communism, nazism, a war, 2 presidents, a big, loud ugly broad running for president governor, wait, what is she running for??? Anyway; then, I was at the docs again some, I don't know, 2 Fridays ago, I was told it was opening on the 19th of March! Which would have been yesterfreakingday. So, again, we being eht politically incorrect nation of problematic hippa hiccups that we are - the plug, naturally has been pulled. DIDN'T SEE THAT COMING, riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight

Now, last week, and here's the funny! Last week, I had called my nurse, who is really quite wonderful, I told her(prior to the pulling of plug mind you), to put me down for yesterday to be the first pt. to be infused, as I am at my wits end. She was pulling strings left and right with ins. I'm sure.

Here's my Q? who gives the ins co's the right to say NO! she cannot go, she isn't sick enough yet. Let her be puking her guts out, AND, AND let her eyes bulgefrom the extreme pain. and I assure you, I mean. exrteme. as in, no light whatsoever. as in, nightlights, gloworms, CHILDRENS TOYS THAT LIGHT - SHOES, ETC......, get my point? may she become so dehydrated before she become INpatient that she cannot tolerate a simple IV (in my case), this way, the cost becomes much more INtense. as does the pain. (yes, it's much better to alleviate the INfusion center at this point) IDIOTS

these ins co's are onto something I think. I hear a Goofy laugh in the background. and Hillary. WHAT ARE THEY THINKING? I used to think, and say, "I wouldn't wish this pain on myworst enemy" and I no longer carry that badge. I am not a vengeful person. Please don't take this as a twisted sick retort. Ok, now I 'm looking at that little note up there about me not being normal, too. However. This being said and all. blah blah blah, runon.....

for the person or persons, in office, insurance, or wherever you are; when you are in control of MY care; or the care of someone like me; I do, wholeheartedly, sincerely and honestly pray, that you, too will reap the benefit of your ignorance you have placed. I pray that when you have finalized your decision, you do so with a clear mind, knowing that at the end of your day, you, too, may fall into my despair, and would want the same care. And I pray for you, the same EXACT care from the ins co's my friends have, that you be given. Or, may it be given to your children, God forbid.

My point up there somewhere was this, I, like most people, don't want to be IN the hospital. Which was why my doc and his partners, etc were looking into the infusion center. It is cost-effective; not only for the patient, but DUH, hey the insurance company, too, what a market folks. If we can save a few bucks there in premiums, OR better yet, in the long run in interest from having to be there in the first place, like oh, ME this time around yet again, here we go; where do I start???

whoa, if I can save money and time, hey imagine, time (the crowd roared). Pic this: here is my time - I get up, in pain, less some days, lately it's getting worse, it sucks, I'm dealing with it, not as good as I used to, but non-the-less, dealing. up, kids outdoor. clean house? umm, should, it's kinda yucky. wait, I don't feel so good today. On the other hand, todayI'm in manic-mode. clean everything in sight. clean clean clean clean. (migraineurs, we know what that means, don't we!) that was yesterday.

okay, saving $$, i'm off-track, because this is how my brain is working today, and everyday. sorry. save me money by letting be infused. I don't want to be in the hospital. I want to be home with my family. they need me here. I don't have the luxury of extension of others willing to help with my children.

I need to stop. i am sick. my head hurts. my stomach is ready to blow. and my nurse is trying to find me a bed. oh joy. and I am looking for every excuse here to say, "no, I can't go, Frank" but he knows I need to go this time. because this time, it's been too long, again. and so the cycle begins. here we go. I only wish I could figure out how to use my daughter's mp3 before I go. I am so STUPID.

why does the sun shine when I can't handle it?