Tuesday, July 04, 2006

Independance Day

Today marks Independance Day for our nation. And yet, for us, as the patients of Migraine Disease, we are far from independant from the hold the pain has on us. We are dependant on the drugs we must take, to keep them at bay; or to keep the BIG ones at bay. That's not to say we are like Mr. Limbaugh in dependancy to the drugs - we are not addicted. We are merely "dependant", taking them for the sake that, if we don't, we may experience something far worse than what is already taking place - the constant daily pain that doesn't go away.

I have been fortunate enough to have experienced 2 weeks of pain-free days. The first in 3 years. My first experience of my own " Independance Day " of the disease. However; I am no longer pain-free. I am back to my migraine-daily walk. So here I am today, migraine at full bay, ripping through skull, trying to tear it's way out of my eye and ear. Stomach in an uproar. Light and sound too much for me today. Vibrations inside my head are coming like contractions or waves, one after another. This time, on the left side. Funny, I was always a right-sided migraineur; now, they come from both sides. How about that?! Could it be that my new meds are wearing down already? Well, this is actually the longest my meds have worked for me, so I really am quite thankful for that. But now what happens? Where do I go from here? When do I really gain my independance from the pain - or better yet, will I?

I'm afraid I already know the answer. I've searched the internet and other resources of the damn disease too much to know the answer. I'll probably never be dependant of the many meds I take to be free of the pain. And I'll probably never be completely pain-free. This is where I need to learn acceptance all over again. But do I really need to accept it? Accept the fact that I have to live with Migraines??? Have to?? What is my alternative? What is yours?

Today, for Independance Day, there will be no fireworks for me. Not the loud, and bright ones in the sky. For I cannot tolerate that today. My fireworks are in the shape and sound of aura; I have already experienced them this morning. Spinning, swirling lightshow of my own. But unfortunately, with this show, comes a much more unanticipated pain-Migraine. Complete, with all of it's nauseous details.

And so now, I must retreat to my quiet and darkened quarters. Away from light and sound. I do not want to irritate the monster too much, give him too much stimulation. This storm is much too furious for me to beat on my own. So I need to keep still and quiet. No movement, no light, no sound. They all hurt too much right now. Smells re becomming putrid as well.

I will wish you all a pain-free and wonderful Independance Day. Hoping you can enjoy it.

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