Friday, July 07, 2006

Finding Self

Today I woke up with that strange feeling of not knowing where my body was. I felt next to myself, not MYSELF, but next to me. I've had that grand feeling before, deja-vu - hit me like a ton of bricks!! I remember standing in my driveway, wondering if I was fully dressed, and then, not so long afterward, BAM!! Tenscore migraine hit me, I landed in the hospital. So is this what I have to look forward to again? And what is the trigger this time? I've been feeling OFF for a few weeks now; not quite right, not myself. Migraine here and there. Not like the old ones before the new meds. But ODD. Not me. And the buzzing in the ears, the fireflies and pinwheels in the eyes; that was my greeting this morning - my little aura of today. At least I've recognized it's coming. Oh yeah, the "buzz buzz" as I sit here now is telling me, I am in for something I haven't encountered in quite a while. I just wonder how long it will last. It's the waiting game I can't stand at this point. My fingers are ice-cold right now. I just want it to hit and get over with. Come and go, PLEASE!! GO!

So where did I go? I got comfortable feeling good again; and then, I was teased - or was the feeling good the tease? Who am I now? Has the Migraine taken over me? Does it consume me? Is it ME? Is that who I've become? Is that what people see when they look at me? Even I forget who I used to be.

Well, now I know why my dog has been glued to my side, crying. He, too knows that something big is coming. He won't leave my side. Poor big dummy - he must sense it in some weird way, and not know what to do. But he just looks at me and cries, puts his huge paw on me; tries to climb on me. Funny how animals have that aura , isn't it.

By the way, he loves my new car. It's quite entertaining to see the big dummy on leather seats. He didn't know what to make of the sunroof at first. He squinted his eyes and ducked. Now, he gets to ride shotgun.

Wishing all a pain-free weekend

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