Monday, May 26, 2008

dreams and decisions

sleep position2
This is what I've been lacking. Not the puppy, but sleep. again. I toss, I turn, look at the clock, ignore the clock. Last night I grabbed my fan, hoping that the feel of the breeze on my face would help. it didn't. Over and over I turn, begging and pleading for the sleep to hit or to just drift into it's soft and dark place. But each day, the sun rises without sleep. I've lost count since the last slumber.

And with that, of course, brings the dreaded migraine. Which I've just been dragging behind me actually, kind of beating back like a rabid animal. A vicious circle going around and around.

Such is the life of a Migraineur. Today, I get some much-needed Melatonin and get some sleep for tonight. Which leads me to a conclusion:

After much prayer and going over it with my family; I have decided NOT to go back to school. Seriously, it's not like I'm going back at 22; I'd be going back after some 22 years since I've been in school. And really, it's okay with me.
Because these are the faces that depend on me. This is the job I have been doing and doing well for 20 years. And though my husband supported my dream, and would to the end, and still says so; it is even more reassuring to know that he prefers to have me just as I am. I am just sure there are some out there who would never get that; but I need only answer me, my Lord and my family really.
My little guy said to me, "Mom, why do you want to go to school? You're a MOM!!" But it was when he was asking me if I was going to be here for him when he got on and off the bus, or to help him with his homework and play with him that it really hit me. It's not about me. I am still a Mom. That is what I've been and really always wanted to be. It's who I am.
Right, then there's that little issue of the, oh how shall I put it??? non-stop pain that comes crushing like a bolt of lightning - KAPOW - top of the head. with the burning beam forcing it's way out the eye. Can't forget that. with a side of no sleep. Just a few things to take into consideration.
Memorial Day
Memorial Day. A day to remember those who have sacrificed. Sacrificed. Their dreams, their lives, their hopes, families; so that we may remain free. But for how long? Open your eyes, America. The next Bilderberger meeting is about to take place in June. In our nation's capitol. Just google the name for yourselves.
Freedom is never free. The soldier and Christ are the only ones who lay their lives down for you. Whom do you trust today?
God bless you all. I wish you all a pain-free day.
Deborah

4 comments:

Migraine Mom said...

Found your blog today while surfing...I suffer from migraines too..check out my blog...

Migraine Chick said...

I love your puppy picture with the water bottle. That has to be the cutest thing ever. Thank you for brightening my day with your great photos. I can totally relate with the wanting to go back to school and not being able to because of the pain! Hope you are getting some better sleep.

Christy said...

I always assumed I would go back to school someday, but then one day I realized that there were a lot of other things I would rather be doing. Like I said before, there are online alternatives to sitting in a classroom every day, in case in a few years you feel the urge again. Pain-free days to you, too!

MaxJerz said...

Looks like I commented on your other post too soon. It sounds like you made the best decision for you and your family, and that's what's important.

hugs,
MJ