Monday, October 30, 2006

How to Maintain to speak, ahem

I received this in my email this morning, and after forwarding it to way too many who, I felt needed a good hearty laugh, I thought I'd add it here, to my little world of blog. Where nobody really ventures to do too much really. Comiserate maybe, check up on my daily to do. But I really felt the need to add this because, well, you'll see. I couldn't stop laughing, and I laughed the first time it came around. I rely on good, fun humor to get me through most days. At parties, I'm usually the guest with my pockets full of fake flies and such, ready to spike your drink when you're not looking; hide in the backgroud, to see your face later. I have NEVER said I'm remotely normal in any way, shape or form. I have a twisted, defunct brain. Just look at my blog title for crying out loud. I am NOT a normal, decent human being. But I am fun. Fun. FUN!! Somewhere in the back of my head, I am hearing the tune to, "They're Coming to Take Me Away!" So back to the email I received; I am going to try some of these - really. For those who know me, which do you think I'm up for?? I'm also thinking of adding to the list. I should check our 'funny file' and see what Frank has in there! Here goes, contain yourself: ............................................................. 20 WAYS to MAINTAIN A HEALTHY LEVEL OF INSANITY. 1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down. 2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice. No smiling, laughing. BBe serious. 3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that. 4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "In." 5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso. (putting myself back on chair, sorry.) 6. In the memo field of all your checks, write, "For smuggling diamonds" or "personal acts" or better yet "invitation only" (it has YOU guessing, doesn't it!) 7. Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy." 8 dont use any punctuation for any reason at all and remain completely monotone even in exciting situations 9. As often as possible, skip rather than walk. 10. Order diet water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face, and be insistent! 11. Specify that your drive-hrough order is "to-go." 12. Sing along at the opera. Loudly. Off-key. 13. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme. 14. Put mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical sounds all day. 15. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood. 16. Have your co-workers address you by your wrestling name: Rock Bottom. 17. When the money comes out of the ATM, jump and scream, "I WON, I WON!" 18. (oh yeah) When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling, "Run for your lives, they're loose!!" (have children in tow, this will add to the effect!) 19. Tell your children over dinner, "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go." (I can't WAIT til dinner) 20. And the final way to keep a healthy level of insanity....Send this to someone to make them smile........ I hate hate HATE that I can't break for paragraphs!!!!!! Anyway, today my little guy has his party at school; we need to spruce up his costume a little. Add some swirl to his cinammon. I am looking forward to the party!!! All those cute unsuspecting little monsters. Time to go find my flies and spiders. Frank was just asking me if I still had that fake doggie doo the other day. I think it's time to go shopping for more gags. We do lead a sick life. Funny, we haven't received any invitations in a while.......hmmmm. I'm not opposed to barging in. WAIT!!!!! I remember, there IS a party coming up!!! Something to look forward to. I wonder if they'll be serving, say.....Bloody Mary's????????? (kite twine, 3 inches in the bottom of each glass) Like I said, I'm NOT normal. Have healthy, sane day! Deborah

1 comment:

Jackie said...

thanks for the kinda words that you left at my site this morning, it really did help. Got me off my butt and into the kitchen to make supper (or at least get the slow cooker part of it done), and I even had enough energy to make myself lunch! Of course, when making the grilled cheese, I forgot to take the cheese out of the plastic wrap... but that's neither here nor there.

anyway, have a great day!!