I know, the fence needs some painting. Any takers? Because, it's just too big for me. Would you just look at that sky! Can God paint or what!

So these guys were out raking up the leaves into this huge pile and I had to get their pics. We do love the fall here in the Northeast. The colors are absolutlely spectacular. The smells, ugh, simply like nowhere else. To smell a fire crackling at night or the cinnamon and apples baking, mmmmm. Now that is what fall is. Oranges, yellows and reds against the brilliant blue sky.

The leaves are near totally gone on most of the trees; that is something I just hate to see. The emptiness of the trees. Well, you can see the squirrel's nests up there. But it's so bare and cold. The winters here are so long, so cold. So wet and painful.

Lastnight I had dreams of new aura; they looked like the little round peppermint candies you get at nice restaurants. But these were black and white. Naturally they were spinning in their spinning ways, in different direction, opposite each other - faster and faster they would go. In a zig-zagged pattern. As they would speed up, they would start to make a sound of zipping from my left to right ear, and then left again. I hate these little aura peppermint candy zippy things.

For the last, hmmm, oh 3 maybe 4 weeks now, I have had a non-stop brain-beating migraine. I already exhausted my abortive. Twice. I have been to another doctor for hemorraging in a not so pleasant area. And I can't seem to stay awake for more than just a few hours a day. I. feel. like. garbage. tired garbage. again. oh how I cannot stand feeling like this anymore. I am fighting a nap right now. and I really don't know why. silly. ok, take a nap. again with the stupid nap.

My Neverending Story

But first, a little bit of the better part of my life that has been happening. First of all, I have a twenty-year old child. It just feels and sounds weird to say it, but I do.



See, Lexi is now a sweet, and happy twenty! So hard to believe. We celebrated her and Grandma's birthdays together last month; which was only a few weeks ago, but I've been out of sorts. Anyway, I only have the pics from my camera so far.






She doesn't like to be the center of attention, so she was mostly throwing the gifts to the ground; oh, and this was her second party of the day, she still had another party to go to. (and it was 7pm) She was pretty tired.



Of course, I ended up finding this awesome desk at a garage sale, for $30, and got it for $20. A bargain. I actually love it the way it is. And ist's perfect in my living room. I needed my own space here for my laptop and for my, you know, doing things. By the way, I ditched the kitchen chair.


Another project. Before.

and after. I haven't done the other yet, I need to get more fringe for the shade. It was too short; it's beaded. perfect, but short.

Last Sunday we had Thanksgiving for our Philip - as he came home from Afghanistan and will not be home on Thanksgiving. These two little goof balls did, well, the de-gutting of their pumpkins. They are just too cute.

Why we didn't get after pictures? Because I left the picture-taking up to my girls. Nick's pumpkin is outside, and I suppose I could go out and get a pic, butttttt.......

This is the beautiful, frosty view we are fortunate to have out our front window. It is a gorgeous view. It's a West-facing window, over-looking a park. It's perfect in the winter when a storm is coming in as well. And in the evening when the sun is setting on a warm evening and the sky is a beautiful hue of pink, very nice. But this picture I just had to take. It really gives a true glimpse of Fall here in the Northeast. Cool, crisp and vibrant in color. I just hate when the leaves are totally vanished. Wshen there is no color left in the trees. You can really feel the cold then.

Does this look cold? This is migraine cold. It's something I'm tired of feeling. Of seeing. The ever-present me I hate. The part I never seem to get used to. You'd think I would have that part down by now. Denial is so so simple. Especially on good days. They are far and few between; and yet they feel like lifetimes of wonder. And I must accomplish so much on them.

Paint, and create. Clean, cook. Be the housewife, the mother, chef, shopper. woman. Those are the days I can open the windows, at least the curtains. And drive. shower. brush my teeth. get off the couch. prepare a meal.

Movement of any kind, at all, for the past few days has literally brought out the most intense pain to my ears, my eyes, my very inner most parts of my skull that I never knew existed. I am afraid to move at the moment. So I just sit in my stink and wait for the meds, those wonderful, awful meds to work their merry wonder again. And if they don't, well, then what? Well, then I guess, it's back to square one, call the doc and go to - hey, let's not go there.

oh great, the dog needs to go out. up I go. the bark just jolted my freaking head. I hate that dog sometimes.

deborah

a shutter project

This is the new little shutter project I made. This one is for my Mom. I hope your not reading this, Mom. Her birthday is coming up in a few days, so, this is one of those shutters I had that I wanted to paint for her.

My Mom and Dad like to feed birds, this was a no-brainer. I'm not totally thrilled with the way it came out; I mean, the letters are sliding to the right, and the Momma bird is a little umm, beafy, but I do think she will like it.

Now, I am left with just one more shutter for myself. I still have not yet figured how to design it. I'm sure it will come to me. Until then, I have a garage of other things to paint and arrange.

Hoping you have a pain-free weekend

Deborah

Fall, Beautiful Fall

What a beautiful weekend we had for apple picking! We took the kids to one of MANY orchards we are fortunate to have here in NY. The sky was clear and blue. The weather was warm and sunny. The trees were vibrant with the change of color. Simply beautiful. A perfect day for apple picking.

As you can see by the pictures, the kids enjoyed themselves. They wandered thru a corn maze; rode horses, bounced on; well, bouncing things. We ate junk, delicious junk.

Now prior to our trip, Frank and I had ventured with Nicholas' class last week to a different orchard. We had so much fun with the kids there. They have goats and baby cows, chickens a pig. He was pretty stinky. But the baby cows, they were so sweet, they licked my hands!! I think they just may have been my favorite part.

Oh, this scarecrow here; I redid the face. The first time I made it, well, it came out kind of scary. I don't like the scary stuff on Halloween. Call me weird, but I don't. So, after a few days of freaking myself and the kids out with my scarecrow, I brought it back in and tore the eyes off, sewed them back on. Made a new mouth, a nose, and now we have a happy scarecrow.

Maybe I'm just being a Mom, but how cute does this kid look in his new glasses!!!! I know, I know - adorable. We just call him, "Dork."

Bosco is getting his winter 'fluff' in. Oh, yeah, he is growing extra stuffing in his belly area to keep warm, too. He is such a big boy. This is how he prefers to be held by the way. Weirdo.

Thursday, Frank and I were chaperones with the Second grade class at Nicholas' school for the Pumpkin and Apple Farm. It was so much fun! There was a wagon ride, and animals, the obvious...pumpkins, apples, cider.

This is Mr. Abbott himself, helping Nicholas with his pumpkin. He drove our wagon. What a sweet man. He grew up on the farm, never lived anywhere else; and had lots of stories of his own parents on the farm growing up, and his children. We had so much fun with the kids.

Unfortunately, this is how I have been feeling. eeeww, I know. Let's see, could it be the lack of sleep? mmmaybe. OR those hammers there could have something to do with it. I can hear them as they knock - over and over. It doesn't go away anymore. It is just ever-present. gotta love it. Today, I tried, stupidly I might add, to wear contact lenses. Not so smart. As I hate the feeling of having anything IN my eyes. and they just don't work as well as my glasses. I have just awful eyesight. My prescription is pretty strong. blah blah blah

hey, at least we have had some really nice weather. my kids are healthy and happy. My husband was fortunate to find a job. In his retirement of all times. Whatever. For me, this week, I'm going to get busy with some more of my crafty things. It's what I like to do.

Hoping you are pain-free

Deborah

My Pretty New Cabinet

Of Course, this it the before picture. Now remember, this was on the side of the road, in two pieces. Sad, I know. It has been in the garage now for far too long.


This is the very sweet toile fabric I used for the background. I just love LOVE toile. I originally purchased a different fabric that just wasn't what I was really looking for. Soooooo, I had to go back for what I really wanted, this!!



Here is the top shelf, and it's not totally done as far as the decorating goes. But here it is. I love chickens, and my kitchen is all roosters and such. My dining room is a gorgeous deep dark eggplant color, but the camera never gets the color right, it brightens it up too much. The lower color, below the chair rail, is a suede finish and color. I did this when we first moved in and I still love the colors.


Does my country - like cabinet match my more formal - like dining room? Not so much, but I love it. And because we have baseboard heating, this is actually the only corner in the house that will take it. It's the only inside corner. So it's the perfect spot.


I don't think you can even tell, but I put glass knobs on the front door. It had ugly wooden knobs that just had to go. Overall, I am very happy with it. Not to mention, it was somebody else's garbage.

What do you think?

With the weather; the Fall, colorful weather, comes the ugly rain and clouds and drizzle and cold. I prefer the pumpkins and falling colorfu array of leaves. Baking pies and apple cake, decorating my home in the beautiful warm colors. The smell of the warm spices.

Oops, forgot to mention the other little thing that comes with the Fall weather here in the Northeast - well, for me anyway, that would be my beast. Back in full migraine-gear, with all the bells and whistles on and ringing in my ears. I'm just not looking forward to the next season to follow and I'm not even going to mention it because I can't bear to think of it now.

Went into Lowe's today and saw. Christmas. No joke. Full on Christmas decorations, with trees and the ugly, sorry but I just don't get them, blow up decorations. There had to be roughly 6 aisles of decorations. Today is only Oct. 2. Now we are being forced into our Christmas shopping already.
Generally speaking I love Christmas and the pretty decorations, but I am just NOT ready to see it the first week of October. I just don't get it! I'm still decorating for Fall!

On Monday, I had that cryo done. This time it was done on both the left and right sides. When I woke up in recovery, the back of my head was shaved. I think my pain doc has a serious complex about his being bald. Thankfully, I have hair to cover it, but it itches like crazy.

That's all I've got, other than a nasty monster

The Tormentor

Tormented
Once Again. I feel it, as it grips my skull
Raging through me, bit by bit.
Mangled shreds of memory and pain.
Each piece a tattered loss of forgotten past.
No way to escape the pain, or
To lessen the sound of it's fury; no there's never an
End to it, only a brief moment of silence until the next time;
Deceived again by Migraine, The Tormentor


Please forgive the gory skull. I retrieve my pictures from Photobucket, and boy does this one give a great description of what the device chamber represents, in my mind anyway.

Yesterday I woke with yet another monster, followed by the ice pick, over and over again. That's ok, on Monday I will go in for my cryo blasting. This time - I will be so lucky to get it on not one, but BOTH sides. I am so thrilled. And, literally, I am thrilled.

Let me just go thru a few of the places and things I've missed due to the latest monster; I signed up for a new Beth Moore Bible study at church, and was only able to make one of the last three, THREE, studies. due to the monster in my head.

I missed my little guys Open House for Second grade. But I did get to go to his back-to-school barbecue lastnight. And I took the monster with me.

I have missed the last three sessions of Hope's Ambassadors with Lexi. A song and dance for the Special Needs kids. I hate the monster.

I missed my dental cleaning. ugh, that's a real downer.

A fun get-together with the girls at church. that includes desserts. Hey, we are Southern Baptists. did I mention the desserts?? I have missed too many to mention.

It has been two weeks, I think since I've posted here. and why???? riiiiiiight, the monster. It never really goes away, totally, it hides, so to speak; sneaks up when I have plans. Dare I make them. Oh, I almost forgot that one!!!! We made plans with my Bro and Sister-in-law to hit wine country a few weekends ago; couldn't go. Yeah, yeah poor me.

I realize there are so many who have it so far worse, I really do; I sympathize, empathize, and pray that the pain and situation is different for them. Right now, my former FIL is lying in a hospital very ill; and I pray for him with my children that he gets well. I truly do pray he gets well; it's a sticky situation that one. The "ex" factor. His parents are ill, I feel for him with that and them. His wife is a controlling freak, who has no respect for him or my children; and yet, demands it from them, oh and me. Like that is going to happen. I really feel for him. We had a shakey marriage, it ended badly, but I don't believe he deserves her disrespect and controlling ways. I don't agree with the way she treats my children and him, so what do you do in this situation? Nothing, in my place. I just sit back, idle, and pray. Literally.

So anyway, that's that. I have another freaking monster in my head - nothing new there. I'm alive and well other than that. My dog is still ugly. My kids are absolutely wonderful. My husband is bored out of his ever-loving mind being retired and going mad watching the changes going on in the auto industry. He is wonderful, especially when I am ill. I don't know what I would do without him. We have a fabulous Saviour who blesses us in way too many ways to count. And yet, I complain.

Oh, our Philip will be coming home soon. Like next month. He is well, exhausted from being in the middle of Afghanistan. I can't wait to see him, to cook for him and wait on him hand and foot. He is going on a well-dserved cruise to the Carribean. He needs it. Please don't forget to continue to pray for our military heroes; they need it desperately. more than you even know.

Praying you are pain-free
Deborah

Welcome to My Invisible Illness: A Journey into a Migraine

Thank you for coming to my party of sorts. I don't mean to be sarcastic, but you see, I'm feeling myself start to fade today. The weather is changing and so starts my metamorphosis. Let me explain:

A statement was made to me this week, again, on a rather sunny day. I was dressed very nice, my hair was done up, my make up on. You get the picture. I looked - oh dare I even utter it - good. There I said it.

Anyway, I was feeling great, no monster stabbing my skull. I had gone to great lengths to make my feet look and feel nice, nails clipped and polished. Here I was smiling and minding my own business when this certain person mentioned to me that I "look too good to be sick." ????? What does that mean? Exactly.

Fortunately I am able to have those "too good" days when the beast isn't beating me down. I can smile on those days, and get dressed, brush my teeth and eat. Generally, I'm able to even walk out of my house. However; there have been days, like today, where I feel myself sort of fading, like I'm here, but slowly going someplace I don't want to be. To that sick place; that invisible place. The ugly place that the outsider doesn't see.

If you are new to my site, brace yourself, I hold nothing back here, I tell it like it is. Migraines are not at all invisible, not mine anyway; they invoke themselves in an almost beautiful array of invitation....

in a very dizzying fashion like this. I cannot escape them, see, I just fall deeper and deeper into them. See how pretty it is! You can hear it, too, can't you? It's very faint at first, but a slight tingle of a triangle, and it leaves a little shiver up my spine. This usually takes a few hours for me, the time I'm in my slumber hour, or so I think. Part of me is in a sort of half sleep, the other is in a hypnotic daze, gazing off into the aura as they dance off, taking me away with them. Swirling away for what must be hours, changing me chemically, no doubt. For I went to bed feeling wonderful.

Now as you have fallen into the trap of the dizzying array of my aura, I want you to still concentrate on it's beauty and remember the sound of the triangle; ting, ting, ting..........

Be very careful, that triangle is very dangerous, it's a freight-train in disguise. Just as you are lulled under the covers to get snuggled and warm, thinking you are comfortable and at rest, the sound becomes louder, and louder still. As you cannot escape the dizzying array of that pattern, it spins faster, flipping from left to right, throwing you off balance. Your center of gravity? Where exactly is it? Your body jumps at the thought of falling.


The train is now approaching and you are feeling the cool rails on your very spine. You are so cold, you shiver. And yet, you are sweating. Now the stomach is in that awful mode wanting to puke, you feel the need to run, but you are afraid to move. You have been so tensed up that your jaws hurt. The triangle, yes, it is now making it's true appearance - suddenly you hear the sound of screaching iron on iron. Louder. Louder. And worse, you feel it, yes, you can feel it, it has now hit you inside your head. You cannot escape it.



The monster is desperately working; banging and pounding about inside. You can hear the sounds of his breast plates as they move against each other, they screach in unison with the train now. He is grumbling with your stomach, the sounds are so deafening and painful to hear.

You lose sight from your right eye; and as you try desperately to get to your feet, to make it to the bathroom in time, you find that you just lost the entire right side of your body. No feeling on your face; your arm is as heavy as the dog, you are terrified. You cannot move your right leg. You have never in your life felt such intense pain before. And why is the sun blasting silver rays into your window? Have they ever before made such a sound?

What has happened to you? The room, the floor and bed start to spin and you need to get to the bathroom. You will puke your guts out if you don't get to the bathroom! Unfortunately, you can't move. Welcome to my Invisible Illness called Migraine.

It isn't always invisible. It isn't alway pretty. I don't always "look good" nor do I necessarily feel terrific. But by God's grace I do get through it day by wonderful day; or monstrous day. whichever.

My Migraine days, you will simply see me, invisible. I will be at home (or in the hospital, infusion center) under my covers, dealing with my monster in the only way I can......I will not be smiling, made up, dressed-up, or looking AT ALL good.

Today, I am fading out; going to invisible land. Wishing all of you with any and all Chronic Illnesses, a truly Pain-free weekend.
Deborah

I'm Addicted

....to junk. I went back for more and just look what I got. These cute folding chairs. Can't wait to play with them.


then there was this child's desk and little hutch, and oh look at the headboard and footboard! I can't believe people just throw this stuff out. My imagination is just running wild with ideas for these pieces.

Not sure if you recall this ugly little shelf; well, it wasn't too bad, really. Well, anyway, Nicholas claimed it for himself before I decided to do anything and that was a good idea because he needed a place for his books. So yesterday, while it was ugly and raining and I was in between abortives and ginger ale and my pillow and just plain feeling like garbage, I did....

THIS to it! Doesn't it look much better now? This is the little spot outside of his door, which I think is a cute spot for the shelf, but he prefers it in

his room - oh he is soooo demanding lately. What happened to my sweet little boy? He is turning 8 in November; could that be it? Please dear, God don't let my little boy turn into a little monster now. At least he still wakes up and cuddles, and hugs me and kisses. But he does stomp his feet and grumble. He never used to do that.

Tomorrow, I'm hoping to start the desk I picked up for him on the first day of my dive. It will match the shelf. (even if he does grumble)

By the way, I took Chrisarella and her friend with me on this last little escapade and now they, too are addicted. They want to know when the next village is hosting a big dump-out. If only I knew! Regardless, I will be checking my local listing.

Wishing you pain-free days

Deborah

Son of Sanford

One of my most favoritest weekends has come - dump your junk! Or as I like to call it, "Dumpster Diving Weekend." Oh, it is so amazing the stuff that people no longer need! It took some getting used to for Frankie, my driver, who asked if he could wear a disguise. Fortunately for him, on day one, it was dark and rainey. And he did NOT wear a disguise. Look at the goodies we got!!



Yeah, I know, the corner cabinet is a litte, hmm, how shall I say, kitchey?? But I have some grand ideas in mind! Look at the folding hanger for my laundry! I was thrilled. I'm so GREEN!!! I know, wouldn't Al Gore just gouge his eyes out for that!!



OOh, lookey look at this adorable little book case for Nick's room. Yeah, it is wood. Cute isn't it! Oh, and this mirror; mirror, mirror on the wall.....can you just stand it!!!




Aah, this old school desk is just perfect for the little man in his room for OH NO, HOMEWORK!!!! Oh, and that little table in the back is going in the family room downstairs. Perfect to hide the games in. I may go look for more today!!!! Wait, see that little milking stool in there? Cute huh. Everything is in nearly new shape, just needs some TLC. Perfect!

I ended taking him out again yesterday, in the sunshine, and he was enjoying the dig. We are a bunch of trashers. Who knew he'd turn out to be a great diver? I just can't wait to turn out all my junk.

Oh wait, one more thing; there were these awesome black shutters I found in my shed, rememeber? I have decided to turn them into presents for Christmas. Here is one I made for my Mother-in-law.



Hoping you are all pain-free today.
Deborah