Crafty, Achey Me

Despite the non-stop head pounding that seems to occupy my time; I have made myself busy with one of my favorite stand-bys - repurposing. This cute shelf has been redone again by moi, and is now in Cinderisa's room. She is in need of organization. Her room is a work in progress.

Anyway, this is how the shelf turned out after I added the pretty scrapbook paper and glazing. It has a very aged looked to it; you know, the one that people pay loads of money for and women get.

While it was setting up and drying, Frankie was looking at it, and starting picking at it, saying, "it's dirty."!!!! He obviously didn't get it. I had to explain to him that it was supposed to look that way.

Once it was dry, (and he was done picking away), I put it in her room, and put a few things on it. She fell in love with it once she saw it. That put a smile on my face - I made my child happy. Which reminds me, I need show you what I did to Christina's mirror. She's sleeping right now, it'll need to wait.

Here's my dilema: CONSTANT never ending migraine. again. What. is going On? I'm afraid I'm going back where I started, ooh, I really don't like going there.

As I lay in bed on Saturday night, peacefully sleeping, I was suddenly jarred awake at 3 with the picks and rods shooting out the top of my head. They came so fierce from the left and right; it was awful, but I had the lyrics from Queen going over and over in my head at the same time - "THUNDER BOLTS OF LIGHTENING, VERY VERY FRIGHTENING ME!" Over and over, the pain came and the words to the song came with it.

Today, I think I'm going to call my doctor and look into some infusion for this week. Ugh, more drugs. I've been icing and using my abortive; which has rendered useless. not good.

Hey, good news: the man is here to put my stove in. yipee.

This and That

So, this is the table that I rescued last week from the doom of the dump. Yeah, here it's ugly. But look at the potential!!

The first thing I did was take it apart. I just knew it was going to be awesome.

So after I painted and then glazed, it looked sort of like this. But naturally, it looks different on the computer.

I took an old faux leather panel and cut it up and it is now the top of my card table. Perfect, if I say so myself.


It's hard to see how the colors came out, but the base over the original is a pea green color, and the glaze is a soft cream color. Very nice.

Seriously, the camera has done NOTHING for this little project of mine today. I don't care. I'm very pleased with it. And to think, someone wanted this nice table to end up in a land fill. I don't think so!

I hope you are having a nice weekend. Our pool is filling. The kids were in it today - freezing. I was cruising in a very pretty yellow Corvette today, with my hair flying in the breeze. Nice day. And the Yanks are ahead 9 - 4 so far.

Wishing you all a pain-free weekend.

Deborah

Lastnight my little guy walks up to me and shows me his tooth which was facing, well, the wrong way.

"Mom, I think it's really really loose. Do you think it's ready to come out now?"

I told him to just pull it out. It really grosses me out to go there touching that. YUCK. I mean, I'll wiggle it and all, but no WAY am I pulling.

So he grabbed himself a tissue, and pulled it right out, first try. And he had a visit from the Tooth Fairy, naturally. (I forgot the Fairy Dust with child number 4) yeah, I suck.

Seriously, I don't think it bothered him in the least. Fairy dust or no fairy dust, he was thrilled with the money.


Now what do you suppose we could be looking at here? Oh and boy do I need to get working on that other wicker chair I've been meaning to finish. After cleaning the garage out today, I now remember that I have 2 cans of the brown paint I did the rest of the wicker in. Hmmmm. tomorrow is another day. where was I?


What is the big deal over the deck everyone? Baseball game? Bocce ball? What is it? What could have everyone looking to the back yard today? Wait, it's coming to me...... there was something out there a few weeks ago, wasn't there?
Ah ha! That's what it is; installation day has finally arrived. My oh my, have we been waiting and waiting and waiting for the rain to stop so it can begin. We were all like a bunch of Nicholas's, you know, theven year olds, all happy and watching and anxious.

Naturally, boy with a gazillion questions; had. well, a gazillion questions. about each. individual. piece and part that went together to the pool. (Should I be concerned that it took just 2 - 2 1/2 hours to put it up?) I mean, they do this for a living and all; but. It just seemed to go up so fast. The nice thing about having a curious theven year old AND having people who are installing a pool, is that it redirects his attention elsewhere. He will forever athk his quethtions to thomeone elthe. He had SOmany, that one guy told him; "why don't you just get a pen and paper and you can remember everything." DOH

So because we were so terribly busy watching the pool being installed; I just couldn't drag myself to make dinner. I do suck, I know. We went out; always entertaining with boy genius. He noticed on the table, Quickdraw. (or whatever it's called. I don't play, don't gamble, so if the name is wrong, I don't really care.) I'm hearing McGraw in my head anyway.

"I love this!" he jumps up in the seat (next to me) yelling in my ear all excited. Then gets the attention of the server, "Excuse me, could you turn this TV on to Quickdraw?" Points to the TV facing our booth.

"WHAT???" I'm saying to him, little maniac that he is and actually thinking he's going to get to you know - GAMBLE!! I just let the server bust his bubble and tell him he needed to be 18, then she corrected herself and said 21. I just did the ol' "ha ha ha ha ha ha" to him.

When he was 4, a server set the table and gave him a butter knife; he said to her; "I am not supposed to have a knife. I am only four years old you know. I could cut myself. " She didn't know whether to laugh or take him serious. Oh, but he was very serious.

School starts in two L O N G W E E K S!!!!! It's been a long summer. It's been a busy summer; oh and terribly wet here. This little boy feels the need to be constantly entertained, by everyone. His favorite game is SORRY. he has no mercy for anyone. And we have all come to hate the game with a passion because he has played us to death.

Now, we are filling the pool and waiting for it to fill. He is asking if he can thwim tomorrow. What time? Or why not tonight? How long is it going to take? He is excited. He can go to his Dad's and swim for the weekend.

Rocco, is, I believe afraid of the giant noisy white thing in the backyard. He refuses to go down the steps into the yard. He just stares at it. Funny how animals take change.

Jammie time. finally! wishing you a pain-free evening
Deborah

In Shock

When I got my paper this morning; I saw a very sad, sad article on the front page. I am still in disbelief.



No doubt, fans everywhere are feeling the loss of a wonderfully gifted musician, LeRoi Moore. My thoughts go to his family, the band, the fans. So sad.

Monster Soup

Today I saw my pain doc and asked him to "please shove a needle up the back of the left side of my head!" Thankfully, he did just that. I have had non-stop stabbing pain going from left-to-right . Primarily on the left, and it seems to creep at times from the entire back of the head in a jolt toward the front. And then the bang, bang, bang just hits and hits and hits all day and all night.

I have exhausted my abortive. and I am exhausted. I am soooo hoping this trigger block will keep it somewhat under control. We have scheduled me for a bilateral cryoanalgesia for the end of September. Again, he is insistant that I should try the stimulator; and he is willing to fight with my insurance company.

As for me, I'm a little reluctant to try it; I know of some who have had the implant, and didn't have any luck, resorting to have it removed. At this point, I'm still waiting to hear if the insurance company will approve my Namenda. Now imagine, the price comparison, if they were to pay for the stim device over the medication.

Regardless, the pain is back with a vengeance. With all it's pretty aura, and geometrical shapes. Let's not forget the ear piercing sounds and picks. The full battle is on. I feel as if I'm running low on ammunition. I do have fight in me, just low on weapons. So to speak.

In the daily life - the kids go back to school in two weeks; and I think we are all ready. They're bored and very restless. The pool is still well, unassembled. We just haven't had a break in the rain; and without that, the ground cannot dry for the pool to be set up. This coming weekend is looking to be hot. Well, at least they will have next year. Hopefully a few days at least, this year.

Wishing you pain-free days

Deborah

It's Inevitable

I love color! Spring, with the birth of everything new; and blossoms and newness. Although the ugly greyness of the rains, I can do without that. Because, well, they always trigger those nasty migraines.

We are now entering the season of Fall here in Northeast. This is my most favorite season. And though I do love the colors and smells; I don't look forward to the upcoming winter - the cold, the stuck-indoors-everyday-all-day. The grey and white skies. Ok, let's not go there.

So instead, I will just enjoy the remaining warm days we have left. Pray for less rain. Especially since we have a mudbog in our yard waiting to dry, for the POOL TO BE INSTALLED. Which, by the way, has an interesting sort of smell; like swamp. And the idiot, Rocco, found it entertaining to pounce through. Stupid Dog

This is a little teacup rose. Isn't it pretty? I love yellow roses. It has just a hint of pink on it's little petals when it opens.

Look, one of my Mums has started to blossom. I love this color; cranberry.

My new stove came, and it's still in the same place. But should be in it's new place next week. I just cannot wait to be able to cook with it. So fancy-shmancy.

Oh, and Cutco knives really cut with ease! I'm living proof! Frank said I'm lucky I didn't cut my tip off. They are sharp! I can even go without a band-aid now and not get freaked out thinking I have a spider on me.

Busy weekend coming. Wishing you all pain-free days.

Deborah

Anticipation

There seems to be a Bobcat in the back yard, Nicholas! What is he doing?

Considering the high the past few weeks has been, well, rain - it's the perfect time to buy a pool. The only thing we hear from this child is, "I'm bored!" or, "Wanna play Sorry?" I can't tell you how many games of Sorry we have played. The board is practically wore down. And he is a champion of pure luck as far as the game is concerned.

I'm dreaming of turning my shed into a bath house next year; because, I don't want the kids running through the house with wet bathing suits. And it's the perfect place for it. It'll be the best play area for them, too. I'm actually thinking of painting the inside a nice fresh white to lighten it up. We do have electric in there....so..... First, I'll need to spray for bees. Oh, and there's that little thing about the riding mower that gets housed in there. hmmm, what to do????? There is the area under the deck we can store it. Things are just starting to come together already. Oh yes, oh yes they are.

Time to hit a few more sales this weekend for my bath house. I have lots of cute ideas in mind. But for now, we will be watching as the pool is installed, day by day.

Right now, he is playing Sorry with his sister.

Hoping you are pain-free today. (shhhh, I am)

My Most Uninvited Guest

My Most Uninvited Guest

Well, you've come again. I knew you would. What took you so long this time? It's been two weeks since your last visit. I was enjoying the time you were away, doing things I like to do. Not even thinking about you this time around. I just wonder, how long are you planning on staying? What are your intentions? Did you bring anyone else along for the ride? Cloak, dagger, vice?? Will it be the usual torture, or should I expect something different this time around? That's the thing with You; I never quite know what to expect. You keep me guessing. You like it that way, don't you?
I thought I heard you coming a few days ago; thought I heard you whisper my name. I shrugged it off, hoping maybe, just maybe, this time I was wrong. But I'm never wrong about YOU! No, You come on in short, little bursts at first. Then, you let yourself be known, in much more pronounced forms.

For you are My Most Uninvited Guest.

Sometimes, you come as the Grimm Reaper. I can feel your presence in the shadows, waiting to attack; knocking, rapping gently at the base of my skull. What is it you're using? Pipe? Baseball bat? You're so gentle right now. I must thank you for that. For I know the time will soon come that you will penetrate my skull with your tool of choice, and it will, no doubt, try to leave thru my eye. But it will not be able to. Only tears and pain will escape. At what level? Why must you torment me? Day after endless day you're here with me. I never asked you to come, yet, here you are.
My Most Uninvited Guest

Oh, my stomach; I feel you have visited there, too. Why do you feel the need to take over my entire being? Isn't it enough that you had me two weeks ago? Why won't you ever leave me alone? Will you EVER go away?? I had plans this weekend! Clambake, Father's Day! I know YOU don't give a rat's @#*&, but I HAD PLANS!!! Go away, will you. Please. I really should take stock in Coke and Zofran. God knows we pay enough for both! I can't keep enough Ginger-ale in my house because of YOU. My head is just spinning now. Or is it the room? I can never really tell; the floor is always out of balance when you come. No, I am out of balance. You are the reason I don't drive anymore. You're the reason I don't do a lot of things I used to do.

If I could just put my hands around you, the way you put yourself around me. The way you've engulfed my life, taken over. The way you came in, an Uninvited Guest, who has never really left. You never DO leave, do you? NO, you wander, really. From room to room in my body. That's really what you do. You don't leave. You hide, dormant, so to speak. Maybe I'll smell you in a hint of something I used to like, and suddenly it will slam me in a shocking and horrid way. I won't be able to enjoy the scent any longer. How I hate you! I'm no longer human; no, I'm like a Blood Hound, the way my nose is with odors. No longer scents. Odours. I could work for Search and Rescue my husband claims. It's no prize, really. I find myself hiding my nose in my shirts and jackets. Gagging, holding back the puke - from the smells. But when you turn my stomach, like today, when you tease me and make me think I may puke, and I don't - I really hate you. That is when the poison needs to leave; but you let you fill me, more and more anD M O R E!

Yes, here You are again, My Most Uninvited Guest! Mygraine, yes, with a "y" this time. How long are you going to torment us? My family and me? That is what you do, isn't it? Torment. All of us are tormented by you. Not just me. My husband must watch me, and HATE you, and try so very hard to take care of everything else. My children wonder if this will make their mommy die. Because that is what children think. You are so evil. They hate to see me in agony. But you, YOU enjoy it. You are very skilled at your torture and you tweek it and change it each time, so I am unprepared when you visit.

My hands are freezing and I have that unrelenting chill again. I know you are here to stay. The warning signs are all here. You've put the vice around my skull, it's not tightened YET, but I know it's only a matter of time. You've managed to ram the rod against my skull. I can feel it knocking, rapping; letting me know you are there. I've begun the mmummbiling and ramblng and the confusion has set in. The chills and nausea and the dizzy spells are also in my presence. Yes, you are here. If only I knew HOW I could make you leave.

You are truly an UNINVITED GUEST.
Don't you understand? We don't want you here! Oh, please, not the ice pick. I don't know if I can stand that again!! It makes my whole face hurt! The stabbing in my ear..........don't you know, the sun is finally shining today! Of course you do. You've been waiting for that, too. I can't feel my face now. Well, only half of it. Time for my Zofran. Thank you Dr. M. You are truly wonderful. I should probably cancel my dentist appt today - YA THINK????

I'm going to go lay down for a little while. It's time to give in to the bastard - the Most Uninvited Guest of mine. For it has come back to haunt me yet again. But try as I might, I am looking forward to a wonderful weekend that I do have planned. That is what I get for making plans. Something we usually DON'T do, on purpose. Because of someone I call:
My Most Uninvited Guest


I wrote this post in June of '05, and have been wanting to repost it; it is quite graphic and angry in description. After reading the book, Migraine Expressions, that Betsy Baxter Blondin compiled and edited; it inspired me to both put this up again, and perhaps write more. you know, poetry and stuff.

On the homefront, well, it's dusty. We have ripped up a smelly (think ugly dog) hallway/stairway rug; and then, today it was freaking HAND. SANDED. I'm talking they used power hand sanders. Do you have any idea how loud that is? Let's just say that there is a very loud and dusty mess.

Wait, I'm off-track; I'll be painting some sort of design on the stair risers. I can't find my words and it's like midnight. enough for me. oh, and I was able to buy a new stove, too. Lord help me live thru this!!

hope you a have pain-free weekend
Deborah

Poisoned

How is it, that the very meds that are used to treat us, are in effect, this:

getting better. slowly.

Aaaaahhh, More R & R

It's looking like our beurocratical wonderment, that was once known as the Insurance Industry - well, at least in my little part of the world - is slowly collapsing. So I thought, if this was "old-school days" as my Grandpa would have said, how would he have taken things, in his day, at my age??



Ok, ok, maybe a little drastic. But. not altogether unheard of really. It is actually a little of what happened to me!

If you've been following my little story, you know, that my insurance company (drama) has decided that they will dictate to me and my doctor that they know better how to treat my Migraine Disease. They are, afterall, the almighty insurance company and hold all of the cards to my well-being.

After two very well-written letters and phone calls from my specialist, they have still declined to give me the medication that has thus far - two years - been helpful in my daily quality of life as a living and breathing woman with Migraine Disease. As a matter of fact, if I had the person or persons who made this decision on my behalf , I'd be inclined to remove their eyes from their skull with an ice pick - just for fun.

Then I would procede to put them in a very fast moving spinning centrifuge, and make them spin and spin wildly out of control until all of their skin is screaming and their guts are ready to heave. But not until I have ..........

I'm sorry, I have gotten myself off base here. Please forgive the incredibly vivid dreams I am still living through.

Now, where was I??? On Thursday, I received yet another disappointing letter from the Ins Co. and on Friday, I met with my doc. It was at this time, I finally hit rock bottom. My migraine had morphed from the up and down approaches to the steady berating in the top of the skull and nagging of the ramming block on the left. We are now a two-sided problem here. I had been experiencing this on and off garbage since the previous Sunday; which brought me to day 5. Enough was enough. He decided, and with absolutely NO debate from me, it was time to be admitted. My husband agreed, and off we went to the hospital.

The entire weekend is - naturally - a blurr. They usually are, and it's been a year since I've actually been admitted. I have been fortunate enough to be getting infusions when needed; but this time, the admission was the best bet for me.

So much has happened in the three days since I walked through those doors. Lastnight, my husband and kids came up to the hospital and brought me the new book that I couldn't wait to get, Migraine Expressions. I dove in head first. It is such an amazing book. Funny that I was in the hospital with a stinking migraine when I recieved it.

For now, I am sooo exhausted. I will catch up later. Thank you to those who sent email and posted on my site. I am in need of a nap for now.

Please stay pain-free if you can.
Deborah