Monday, September 04, 2006

Home Alone........

It's not all that's it used to be. I miss my family. I wish I could travel. They are basking in the 85 degree, sunny, humid beach weather. I am sitting home, migraine-laiden 61 degree, crappy weather, no sun, all clouds.

My job while they are gone is to choose paint for the living room and hallways. Usually a wonderful task for me. Not so much right now. I went to Home Depot yesterday, grabbed a few swatches with Terri, had dinner with her and Mike, came home, went to bed. Uneventful, yeah, I know. Woke with the axe hitting my skull, tears still streaming down my face. I think if the weather would just clear a little, my migraine might just let up. Might. just. let. up. Here's hoping. I realized after looking at those swatches this morning, I need to look at a bunch more. So, that is my job again today. So maybe Lowe's will have some colors to my liking.

I'm so glad the kids were able to go down with Frank. Marisa a/k/a Cinderisa was reluctant at first, but seeing the base, the beach, and the heat, she's pretty ok with it. Oh, that and being able to be a complete pest on the way home (call me about that one Allie!) makes everything ok with her. I just want a Marine flag when they get here. I did manage to get the yellow ribbons yesterday, although they weren't what I was looking for. I'll need to make my own. They'll do for now. I miss my family. I can't wait to hear their voices, even the stupid bickering - can you stand it!! Funny, when it's in your face how you hate it. Deafening how loud silence is when the kids are gone.

Rocco knew that Philip was leaving again. He sat ON his feet yesterday. Funny dog. Pitiful, really. The kids were packing their stuff in the van, Phil was just sitting on the couch, I think he was just taking in everything here. Rocco was taking in Philip. When it was finally time for all to leave, Rocco started to cry, and ran for the door. We told him, "no," but of course, he made his way out and ran into the van, onto the back seat. It was cute in a sad way. He knows when Philip leaves, he doesn't come for a long time. I really think he knew this time. He could tell that Phil's demeanor was different. Our demeanor was very different. The kids were going this time, and Daddy. He didn't want to get out of the van. I literally had to drag him by his prong collar, he didn't even feel it. He didn't want to leave Philip, kept sniffing him and crying, looking back. So sad. I had a hard time letting him go myself. I just held him tight, he told me, "I'll be ok, Debbie, you can let me go." I know, in my heart, he'll be ok, he is God's child. But he is Frank's son, he isn't my own flesh and blood, so I really can't imagine what Frank is going through, but I know, my own heart aches for Philip. Knowing he will be in a land so far away from us; a land of people so far from a loving God, and who hate Americans. Not all of them, I know. But the one's he is there to fight, do. Those, are the fearful, that I fear for him. That I pray will never be allowed get near our Philip and his troops.

Today, they are on a hot, sunny beach; playing, running, swimming. Having fun together. I know Frank: he is fretting to get to that damn depot to get souveniers to take back here, for the kids to get souveniers. I hope he allows them to have fun. He is sooooooo anal retentive. Poor Frank. Just HAVE FUN!!! I so wish I could have been there. But if i were right now, I'd be in the hotel room, in bed, drapes closed, abortives, gingerale. Yeah, fun for all. I'm glad for them, that I'm here. They will have more fun not having to worry about me in the stupid hotel room. I do hope they enjoy him. I hope Nicholas gets to see the guns and tanks and Marisa gets to see the Marines in formation. I can't wait to hear the stories when they get home.

I dread Friday, when Philip leaves for Iraq. For his Dad, his Mom, his sister, and Nonna and Nonno. For the rest of his family. Philip is anxious to leave. That is what he told me yesterday. He wants to go. He's ready, I can't believe it, I don't understand it - but he is ready. That is the attitude he needs to have, I suppose, a ready one. We will never be ready.

I just can't wait for all of them to be home. ALL of them. Philip included.

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