Monday, June 26, 2006

Just What the Doctor Ordered!

Dr. John, that is..... and folks, he was sultry, dressed in a very nice, (color here), RED suit; and he definitely brought some much-needed N'awllins to our area. It was so good to sit and relax, boogie-woogie, voodoo-yoo-doo, with the doctor. I so could have done without the lights. They got me later. But we thoroughly enjoyed the show. Sat in the (insert a little snob here please) "reserved seating" area - FOR FREE!!!! I'm a firm believer in if-you-don't-ask-you-don't-get! I mean, what is the worst that can happen right? We had pretty awesome seats. Maybe 13 rows back, ahem, center! I did get bumped by these 2 hippie draw-backs dancing in the aisles - but hey, they loved the doc!!! I'm just sure the ER was flooded with freaks who had the misadventure of coming down from their " E " trips. Now that was one to see, for my girls. I'm still not sure which they were more shocked by; the hippies dancing, or the trippers tripping. (note to self, new song in the making......)

Half-way thru his act, light blinking, amps cranking, hippies dancing, trippers tripping; and my left ear gets that ever-present little nagging PRICK!! I about stood up in agony. Frankie knew what hit. "You wanted to come!" I did, and I enjoyed the show. Like a deer in the headlights, they showed spotlights to the crowd and at first, I stared, unable to look away, ear-piercing pain, and then DUH Deb, look away, far far away!!!!!!! I hid my eyes. Frank hid my eyes. Couple lttle tingles on the tongue, twitch twitch of the nose. ice pick ice pick. But,, hey, this is DR. JOHN!!!!!!!!!

I couldn't hold it anymore, pee, that is, TMI, I know. I'm a little bit of ......................... well, I'm searching for the right word, and I have a picture in my head of everyone that knows me too well screaming OCD FREAK at me. Suffice it to say, I have issues on public policy and restrooms. Accomodations, well, I had to go, and aside from getting arrested, in public peeing behind a bush, which isn't beside me, I had my girls with me - we were headed for the port-a-grotesque. I carry, on my keychain Purell hand sanitizer, on my keychain. I have it in my car (did I mention my new 300M???????) sorry! I have it in my purses, each purse, each bathroom is fully stocked, each lotion is emulsified, my dishsoap even is antibacterial; folks, I have issues. I'm here to tell you - don't trust ANYONE! People are dirty, filthy, scummy. I love people, but a lot of people, just don't take the time to wash their hands!! GROSS! 5 minutes people!!!!

This is critical. When my husband reads this........ anyway. I'm serious; watch people. That is a statement, to actually WATCH PEOPLE! WHAT THEY DO! If you absolutely HAVE to use a pub restroom; this is how I take matters in control; first, NEVER, and I mean NEVER touch anything with your bare hands.
1. you have no idea where the other hand that touched it WAS!! think about that for just 10 seconds. disgusting isn't it.
2. did they wash after they touched??? how would you KNOW???? Use your shirt, feet, anything but your hands. Elbow is the best if it's a "push" door. Always flush with feet, never hands. If you can't use your hands, use paper. or leave it!!!! This goes without saying - DON'T SIT!!! When it comes to the hand-washing part, if you don't come equiped with your own sanitizer,
1. first get your towels, 1 to turn on and off the water , 1 to dry hands.
2. turn on water, clean hands. turn off water, with same towel, then toss it.
3. dry hands with CLEAN towel , open door with it and leave. I usually leave the towel on the handle of the door, making sure NOT TO TOUCH THE DOOR HANDLE WITH MY CLEAN HANDS!!!! Yes, I'm a little bit of an OCD freak. I don't particularly like to shake hands, and I have issues. I don't breathe outside of my shirt in pub restrooms either. I won't even go there. My skin literally crawled when my girls and I had to use the port-a-grotesques, but we lathered ourselves in Purell when we slithered back to our seats. Frank asked if we found it ok, and watched as we cleaned ourselves. I just shivered off the YUCK!!!! Trying not to think about being confined to a small germy compartment, contaminated, doomed to the unthinkable.

We left before the fireworks; I was enjoying my own inside my brain. My lips were going numb. My ear was getting pierced, my nose was having an odd deja-vu experience of it's own. When I got home, safe to my room, after a relaxing glass of Doobie Blues, my right eye went black and I saw nothing. Now, that was oddly familiar. Hadn't seen that in a while. And my left side was feeling a little weird, couldn't quite place it, just weird. Had to pee, though. Need to get to the safety of my own little clean potty room. Trying desperately, and I mean, desperately, to get to my feet, and my left arm and leg decide - "no, we're not working for you tonight girl-friend" - now I remember. The little hemi stuff. Well, feeling a little buzz from the wine, a real need to get to the potty and an incredible desire to burst out laughing, but don't dare for fear of peeing the bed, Frank, with a bad knee says, "let me help you." Now I'm in hysterics, thinking in my head how this could turn out. It took a good maybe 3 min to get me there; and then I tried to stand up when finished. I had a little buzz on - down I went. Ceramic tile on boney hips and knees going fast-hurts. But now I'm cracking up. Frank, was nervous. I make him nervous with this stupid disease, but we are starting to enjoy life again. yeah, losing my left side was truly enjoyable. It was funny. He got me back to bed. And Sunday was less than enjoyable. I need to remember to write down a few things to tell my doc. Like how the auditorium in my church makes my head go completely out of balance. My whole body starts twitching when I'm there. Must be the acoustics or something. Uh oh, time to go get the kids from VBS already!!!!!!!

Here's wishing all pain-free days

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