Sunday, September 27, 2009

Didn't See it Coming

It never ceases to amaze me that no matter how vague or brilliant the aura, I refuse to recognize it for what it is. Have you ever done that? Even when it has sound, which it did this time around, well that is actually normal for me; anyway, there were the lights and zigzags, and the screaches, and still, I denied it was coming.

And even when I woke with it, I still didn't want to call it what it really was; I thought I had a bug. (what????) Stupid me.

Alas, I finally gave in and injected myself with my trusty toradol (chiming bells inserted here) and it eased up. ta da. How is it, that after several thousands of migraines, I still refuse to recognize it's coming?? Is it blatant denial? Or stupidity on my part? In the end, I see it for what it is, the monster, accept that it has come, and deal with it. Well, not so much accept as hmmmmm, know it's there. I refuse to accept them. I don't want them, therefore, I cannot accept them.

This past Tuesday, I had another round of cryoanalgesia, followed by, rather - triggering the migraine for the day. and the next day. But it works for me; it takes them down a notch and keeps me free from migraine for longer periods. Rather than daily migraine, I live with 1 to 3 per week. That is a remarkable upgrade in living conditions for me.

Perhaps the fewer migraines are causing me to become comfortable in the lack of them. Thus, the denial. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Fall has landed here, the weather is cooler, it is darker at an earlier hour. The weather patterns are changing from dry and warm, to cool and rainy. Spring and Fall are so beautiful, but they affect me terribly. We have talked about moving South, but cannot right now.

I would love to be able to play outside longer than we can here in the Northeast. I just hate the idea of winter coming; the idea of having to stay indoors for months to come. I'm not ready for the cold. It makes my body hurt, my head ring and scream with pain. I hate it!

We had this beautiful fog fall in the park across the street tonight. It's getting cooler. I am sure the pic does it no justice. It was so beautiful with the sky glowing behind it. You could smell smoke from a fireplace in the air. mmmmmmm, what a yummy smell. I cannot wait to light up the fireplace this year!! But, I'm not ready YET for the change to all cold days and nights.

Next week, Lexi will be moving to an adult hab home. I cannot wait to show the pics of the house. It's so homey and warm. Rather than 5 girls, where she is now; she will be one of three girls in the new home. There is REAL furniture, rather than the "institutional" style in the house she is at now. She will also be closer to our home and church. I am so excited to move her in, and decorate her room. We've already done some shopping for her, and I painted a new desk for her computer. It is soooooo exciting.

Tonight, DH is starting, the kids are in bed. The pups are curled up sleeping. Oh, and I am migraine-free. for now.

Wishing you a pain-free day

1 comment:


Hey deb,
I do understand what you are saying. Even though mine have gone down a lot...I still sometimes try to pass off the start of it as something else...I think it because we do not want to go there.
anyway hope you are doing well