Good News. Bad News

Good News:
As you know, we made it to the NIT

Bad News:
As you now know, we lost to Clemson lastnight. Stink. We could have done without watching Juli's little boys crying. seriously. That was pitiful. Cinderisa understood why they were carryingonliketheirdaddyallhysterical sobbing in their seats. However; the Catmawler, needed much explaining, I wasn't feeling well, and she still didn't get it. what can i say, she's blonde.

Good News:
Infusion Center is due to open on May 2nd

Bad News:
Duh. oh, and i get to see the dentist again today. here's my Q? if having a crown makes one a princess; what does having more than l make? cause I got more than just l. and i am the queen-bee as frank calls me, got the crowns to prove it now. just sayin. by the way, i quit with the capital letters for today

Good News:
my pets were NOT eating the foods listed on the "do not feed" list

BAD NEWS:
now i know which cat is barfing. as i watched as bosco did so. on my COUCH. next to me. this morning. did i forget to mention that in the last 4 days i've had the misfortune of that feeling you get when you think you're going to lose the contents of your stomach, your legs and feet; so you move real fast, head starts to get hot, ears, neck, everything. you make it to the bathroom, only to just barely bend to the disgustingly dirty bowl - why hasn't someone cleaned the stinking toilet by now??? am i the only person living in this place?? hello!! you notice that not only are the rim and the bowl dirty, but the floor around the bowl dirty, and what color is that exactly, how does dust get THERE??!!! why does it appear dry on wet, sticky gooey - oh my god i need to barf!! nothing. NOTHING. the eyes start to wander for more dirt and grime, not sure why really , but they do, and you scour the floor, and heat vent for more, all the while, the ears are just burning. now, this is the room the children use to brush their teeth, so you (stupidly) move your gaze to the sink, of course they don't rinse the sink. these are your children. and although you've taught them to do this, they don't. onto the chart on the fridge - the beloved chore list, appointing bathroom duties. so while i'm now up in the kitchen, because afterall, the barf - it didn't happen again - take zofran to ease that yucky feeling. oh, and notice more grime - shocker, i know

good news:
it's supposed to hit 60 someting degrees today

bad news:
i will be reclined in a chair at my dentist office for fillings. again. the drugs i take to ease my pain, have many strange side-effects. and though i've learned to brush and floss like a pro,and an obsessive freak i might add, the effect it's had has power to overcome it - arid, extra dry. i have had to succomb to chewing gum to keep from drying out. and i'm wondering if that in itself, is another one of those catch-22. chew gum=decay OR dry out = decay from dry rot. either way, my fear of being in the dentist chair has been overcome. i love my dentist. she is a wonderful woman. i would recommend her, her husband and staff to anyone. she explains procedures in a way i understand them. OH, and i no longer pass out in the chair - bonus. however, am i thrilled that i need to go today? not so much, as i don't feel so good today. got one cooking in the cranial region of my body. again.

good news:
there is a method to my madness

bad news:
i stumbled upon it. i'm scared of myself. here is how stupid i am. first, let me start by saying this; last week last week last WEEK. i sent out ALL of my prescriptions to medco the stupid prescription company we've been assigned to for our drugs. they have been assigned to ME, to keep my migraines under CONTROL, AND. AND!!!!!! SOME ANXIETY ISSUES I'M SEEMING TO FIND I MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE. it's still under discussion. i don't know

soooooooooo. i'm waiting waiting waiting, like dora the fish, swimming swimming swimming. you get my point right. going to the mailbox. i have this one little important drug called CYMBALTA. it has a rather calming effect when it's taken all of the time. it also keeps my migraines at bay, for the most part. alright, not so much ok. so. i'm really waiting for that and the rest of the stuff to come. like i said. i sent these out last week. i check online, several times. nothing. i send a letter via email and get letter back with "we received no precriptions, please try again" - my ship has sunk. here's why. i'm feeling a little edgy. not quite sure, but i'm noticing, hmmmm, that as i'm taking my meds, something 'colorful' seems wrong. (CYMBALTA) these are the colors they are in, in my capsules. and yesterday, i noticed, yes. ter.day! that i hadn't taken any. in fact, i noticed that the entire week hadn't been filled with any. D'OH.

houston, we have a problem! now i call my docs office and try to relate this problem as best i can. which, i'm sure, came out somewhat twisted and confused, as well, that's pretty much the way i. sort. of. am. but that's besides the point. thankfully, my drugs have been faxed to stupid medco, thank you thankyouthankyou linda!!! (i hear angels singing) AND, I was blessed with a 2 week supply of samples. oh, and i believe i tried to explain to her that, "i'm usually really good with this sort of thing."

actually, i don't recall running out of my meds. of course, i can't recall my own phone number, anniversary date OR my daughters birthdate either. so i guess this doesn't coutn for much does it. oops

wow. i'm screwed. like big time.

this is the scary part. i had to drive lastnight. i know! i know! it was scary, trust me. but don't worry, cinderisa is a really good co-pilot. she was all, "it's ok, mom, calm down. you can do this" she is so funny. talk about mirror-image.

this is where i feel as if i've been morphed into sam kinneson(sp) or some other screaming freak from that generation. wait, that's my generation. ah AH AHH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

she wanted me to listen to some blink 182 song she wants to do for the talent show at school; and well, i was on edge enough already. 3 seconds into the song, my heart starts to race, my face must have resembled somethin out of a steven king movie; the brake lights ahead of me just weren't looking like anything but aura and ambulance and an invite to something better, if you know what i mean. it's a good thing that, at that point, i wasn't the one driving, frank was. that was on the way to church. anyway, i started to listen, and quickly realized i couldn't, my body started to shake and jerk, my face contorted and twitched, "get it out! please i can't deal with that right now, it's too much." i couldn't figure out how to remove the disc, nothing. my brain simply shut down. like now. the words just don't come. " remove the disc" what is that word?? oh oh oh - eject! that's right, like REJECT.

BUT when you function like me, it doesn't come right away. it comes out like i just put it there. literally, exactly like that. i seek and search and wrack my brain for a word or phrase, and thankfully, the people that know me, or my disease, get me. wow - THAT - is scary. when someone gets ME.

so i need to go pull myself together for my dentist appointment.

Good News: I'm not driving

Bad New: I'll probably drive her crazy.

congress, insurance, infusion, oh my

This is what I do to Rocco for fun. This 2nd pic is how he wants you to think he feels about it.

But in reality, I told him it was for a photo shoot for the Little Rascals and there was a Scooby Snack in it for him. Then I said, NOT!!!!! And he didn't get the Scooby Snack.

I am not a normal person. I believe I have noted this before. I am just stating it again. What is normal anyway? well-adjusted? uptight. I dno't think i want that for me anyway.

I have what feels like 300 pounds of cold, hard ceement. on my back and neck. It's just pushing me further and further to the ground. It's slamming the back of my head every once in a while with a cold pipe that's jutting it's way out of the bag.

Oh, did I mention the sound effects? I odn't believe I did. Let me got there for ya can I? I'm sure you've seen us in the news with the CSX boo-boo's lately. Well, if you've ever heard a train screaching it's breaks; have you seen Polar Express? Imagine, if you will, bursts of those screaching breaks coming from one ear to the enxt, in little cloud bursts, but loud bursts. I can't really explain what I mean there. They come in a puff, so to speak. fast, loud,come and gone. Not sure if you've heard it. Scares you. un-nerving the way it comes. little blips o f lights and flashes interrupted my slppe again lastnight. perhaps that may have a little to do with it all.

Imagine my delight a few months back, at my neuro's office to hear the words, "infusion center." followed by, "opening in October." which, knowing we here in the US means, well, nothing short of, months, followed by paper work and communism, nazism, a war, 2 presidents, a big, loud ugly broad running for president governor, wait, what is she running for??? Anyway; then, I was at the docs again some, I don't know, 2 Fridays ago, I was told it was opening on the 19th of March! Which would have been yesterfreakingday. So, again, we being eht politically incorrect nation of problematic hippa hiccups that we are - the plug, naturally has been pulled. DIDN'T SEE THAT COMING, riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight

Now, last week, and here's the funny! Last week, I had called my nurse, who is really quite wonderful, I told her(prior to the pulling of plug mind you), to put me down for yesterday to be the first pt. to be infused, as I am at my wits end. She was pulling strings left and right with ins. I'm sure.

Here's my Q? who gives the ins co's the right to say NO! she cannot go, she isn't sick enough yet. Let her be puking her guts out, AND, AND let her eyes bulgefrom the extreme pain. and I assure you, I mean. exrteme. as in, no light whatsoever. as in, nightlights, gloworms, CHILDRENS TOYS THAT LIGHT - SHOES, ETC......, get my point? may she become so dehydrated before she become INpatient that she cannot tolerate a simple IV (in my case), this way, the cost becomes much more INtense. as does the pain. (yes, it's much better to alleviate the INfusion center at this point) IDIOTS

these ins co's are onto something I think. I hear a Goofy laugh in the background. and Hillary. WHAT ARE THEY THINKING? I used to think, and say, "I wouldn't wish this pain on myworst enemy" and I no longer carry that badge. I am not a vengeful person. Please don't take this as a twisted sick retort. Ok, now I 'm looking at that little note up there about me not being normal, too. However. This being said and all. blah blah blah, runon.....

for the person or persons, in office, insurance, or wherever you are; when you are in control of MY care; or the care of someone like me; I do, wholeheartedly, sincerely and honestly pray, that you, too will reap the benefit of your ignorance you have placed. I pray that when you have finalized your decision, you do so with a clear mind, knowing that at the end of your day, you, too, may fall into my despair, and would want the same care. And I pray for you, the same EXACT care from the ins co's my friends have, that you be given. Or, may it be given to your children, God forbid.

My point up there somewhere was this, I, like most people, don't want to be IN the hospital. Which was why my doc and his partners, etc were looking into the infusion center. It is cost-effective; not only for the patient, but DUH, hey the insurance company, too, what a market folks. If we can save a few bucks there in premiums, OR better yet, in the long run in interest from having to be there in the first place, like oh, ME this time around yet again, here we go; where do I start???

whoa, if I can save money and time, hey imagine, time (the crowd roared). Pic this: here is my time - I get up, in pain, less some days, lately it's getting worse, it sucks, I'm dealing with it, not as good as I used to, but non-the-less, dealing. up, kids outdoor. clean house? umm, should, it's kinda yucky. wait, I don't feel so good today. On the other hand, todayI'm in manic-mode. clean everything in sight. clean clean clean clean. (migraineurs, we know what that means, don't we!) that was yesterday.

okay, saving $$, i'm off-track, because this is how my brain is working today, and everyday. sorry. save me money by letting be infused. I don't want to be in the hospital. I want to be home with my family. they need me here. I don't have the luxury of extension of others willing to help with my children.

I need to stop. i am sick. my head hurts. my stomach is ready to blow. and my nurse is trying to find me a bed. oh joy. and I am looking for every excuse here to say, "no, I can't go, Frank" but he knows I need to go this time. because this time, it's been too long, again. and so the cycle begins. here we go. I only wish I could figure out how to use my daughter's mp3 before I go. I am so STUPID.

why does the sun shine when I can't handle it?

MY Super Sweet 16.....Unscripted er whatever

If you're anything like me, and well, I haven't met anyone remotely LIKE me in any way, shape or form. But, you get my point. I think. OK, if you've been bored, and have found nothing, and I stress NU THING on any given channel from 1 to 800 at any given time, and you've mindlessly strolled thru the clicker like me and stopped (stupidly I may add on my own behalf, mouth wide-open in awe) at the stupid, which really in all reality the word itself, stupid, does the show no justice. The show I'm talking about is of course My Super Sweet 16. Can I just say, give me a super damn break already!

Let me first start by saying, at 16, the first thing I got, girlfriend, was a, hold your breath here - a J. O. B. Can you stand it? No kidding. A real live one at that! Got me a job at Chuck E Cheese, as none other than the head cheese himself. (ta dum) At a big, hold onto your Escalade little brats girlies, $3.15 an hour. And I was happy. Not to mention, I did buy my own school clothes from then on. Oh, the horror of it.

And would you believe, I didn't get a car on my birthday? What. On. God's good Earth are these parents really thinking they are giving these beasts, debs, future-Paris' little Bratz dolls of society? A favor? Something better than they had? A lesson? Come on! Let the little princass, (spelling error) come and live with me for her 16th birthday. Now that would be something.

We'll call that life lesson number one. I received my first car when I turned 35. OH, AND I was in the middle of a divorce. Class-act, aren't I? 35, divorce AND first car. Yeah, the boys just came a running! There's a y'all attatched to that somewhere. and a country song. just sure of it. Let's get back to the spoiled rich kids, shall we.

Here's what I do for fun - oh, and by the way, I really, really did do this; in my favorite car at the time, my sporty 300M, hey I had a dream , a car and they met ok. Any. way!! Frank was driving, so this made life even more fun; we were at a stop light, pulled up to an old snooty guy in a very 'spensive Mercedes. Yaha. So I smiled all silly and flirty, hit the button to roll the window down, flipped my hair back, he rolled his window down, wondering why, gorgeous woman flirting with dirty old man like himself. So I say to snooty old guy, in my snootiest and haggiest voice,

"Pardon me, do you have any grey Poop on?"

To which, Frank cracks up laughing, light turns green and we take off! SO. I have no life, other than relentless, non-stop freaking-driving-me-out-of-my-ever-loving-mind-constant-never-ending-migraine-not-to-be-confused-with-headaches because let's face it, they are very different!!!

RRRRRRRRiiiiiiiight, back to the Bratz dolls with the whiney problems of Mommy and Daddy with too much money. If they really believe that buying Miss girl the most expensive dress for her biggest party; and no-one is really touching her hoo-ha. And giving her the keys to the Escalade, the beach house; the rights of passage to every gold card she feels necessary to max-out by age 17 are going to make everything alright, they are in for a major wake-up call. From a State Trooper. Or a Crime Scene Investigator. But in any case, it's just going to make her worse off. Don't give the bitch spoiled rotten brat stinking thing. Make her EARN it! What is wrong with you people? Hey, I'll take the Escalade! And her, and I'll even teach her how use some manners and respect you. Because she doesn't. She has no self-respect, so she certainly can't respect YOU!

I'm feeling a deep desire for anger management. To which I just replied to myself, and I quote, "Bite Me!"

These Migraines have gotten out of control, not like they've really been you know, controlled in a most well-mannered way lately, but, I'm feeling a need to vent on society. This is where I will do it.

Oh, then there was the stupid broad in the dean's office at my daughter's school on Monday. Sorry, Gayla, I need to say this - she wasn't even BLONDE!!@!!!!!!!

My daughter needed to leave early for dentist appointment. I wrote a note. She forgot it. She calls me FROM the deans office. From. the. Dean's. office. (did you get that?)

Her: "Mom, (major sarcasm in my voice here, because I'm seriously irritated about it still), YOU (don't you find it humorous how often the blame gets shifted? grrr) forgot to write me a note!"

ME: "No, YOU forgot the note! It was on the ledge where it always is. You were just in a usual hurry."

HER: "Now you have to come in and sign me out."

IRRITATED ME: "You're kidding right? That's exactly why I wrote the note! I don't WANT to get out of the car Marisa. Is there someone I can talk to right there?"

Gvies me stupid lady.

Stupid Lady-SL : "Hello?"

Growling Me: "Look, I need to have Marisa ready at 11:00, it's me verifying that I'll be there to pick her up"

SL: "Well, you'll need to come to the security desk to show your license"

Me: (claws engaged) "What? I'm telling you, I'll be there, and you can send her out. She just called me from your office. I don't understand why I need to show my license!"

SL: "Well she doesn't have a note"

ME: (now with fangs) "can I do this with a fax? do you have a fax number? "

SL: "Oh, yes you can do that, make sure you have your signature on it."

ME; "oh, you don't want my 6 year old to sign it?"

SL: "excuse me" gives me the number

I slam the phone after banging on the desk a few times real hard. plastic flying all over the office. write note and fax to school. get ready, show up at school. wait. wait. wait. WAIT, FOAM AT MOUTH. SEETHE.

Get sweet, singing six-year old out of van, who at this point, does not deserve deranged psycho Mom who wants someone's head on platter. Go to security, somehow, my jaw has been forced into the back of my spinal column by madness. Hmmmm, I think I know why my head hurts so bad. Or, could this just be part of vicious cycle going round and round and round round. Don't you wish you could be me for one freaking day?

Security lady, with gun?! hmmm: "Can I help ;you?"

Me: ("Probably, but are you willing?") "Yes, my daughter was supposed to meet me outside,"

Security: tells me to go to room 115, I'm thinking she's in some kind of trouble. Uh oh. what happended?

I go to 115, the door says: DEAN

Now, I'm pissed. I can feel my ears turning this color ! Stupid lady asks me what I can do for her, to which I say, "I want my daughter!"

SL: "What is her name?"

Me: glaring and very pissed, "Marisa" no last name given

SL: "Oh, yes, let me call her down"

Me: " you know, she was supposed to have already been down! I spoke with someone this morning, but that wasn't good enough. So I asked for a fax number..."

she cuts me off with,

"That was me you spoke with"

"THAT WAS YOU ! YOU GAVE ME A HARD TIME ABOUT NOT LETTING HER GO BY PHONE CALL, I SEND A FAX, AND SHE'S STILL NOT READY? WHAT IS GOING ON?"

SL: "Well, you had yesterday's date written on the fax."

ME: in complete and utter disbelief. "Are you kidding me? You've got to be kidding me! I spoke to YOU. You gave me the fax number for today. TO. DAY. And yet, I still needed to come in here because of an inccorrect date. You couldn't let that go or call me back??!!! Do you have any idea how much time of mine you have wasted, not to mention the time of others?Do you care that you've inconvenienced me and others?"

Meanwhile, Nick is dancing in the hallway, thank you, Lord. Because I was just plain freaked out! And I don't normally do that. But I did. And the really weird thing is, yeah, there's more, I know - the song, "If I Had a Hammer" was going thru my head afterward. Just that part though.

When I dropped Marisa back off, I told her to tell the lady that her Mom said she was Stoo.pid. Knowing she wouldn't dare because I'd have to clean her tongue with tobasco or something horrid. I know, then I'd have to call CS on myself.

So one of my favorite days is coming up, and it's not my birthday. Because, afther like the 20's nobody really cares about them anymnore. That's my brain doing that, and I don't feel like fixing the errors so deal with it. Be thankful you're not getting the hammer in top of your head that comes afterward. NOW THAT is where the fun begins my friend. Now we're takling messed up. No wonder I'm so pissed and vinegar lately. So my favorite day is April 1, yes I'm a real oflfd fashioned fool at heart. I love to play a joke on the ones I love. Be unready. C

Time for the couch.

Colr me Stoopid

Now, if memory serves; wait - that's actually funny! Now for anyone that links here with Migraine Disease, think on that little bitty. Isn't it funny? If memory. serves?? Yeah.


Anyhoo. Once upon a time, I had a working, full-functioning brain. No, really I did. Honest. I'll tell you about it. I has a two-year old AND a job, at the same time. In today's terms for me - not either one would be slightly possible. At the same time. Seriously. But 16 1/2 years ago, it was all possible. I was able to hold down a real life job, doing real people stuff, with a thought process. My mind was moving all the time, and I could multi-task with a fully horrible boss. I helped to run his crazy medical practice. Believe me when I tell you he was both horrible to work for, and the place was crazy. But I loved my job. And I even really did enjoy working with him. He taught me a lot.


I was able to use skills in not only office; but in patient care and what became my absolute favorite - surgery. I loved being in the surgical suite. My duties in this practice were more than I'd use anywhere! I was in charge of the dreaded collection cases; and the not so dreaded hospital calls. There was never a day or time of day to be bored. There was always something to do. Whether it was insurance, or patients to deal with; it was great. My mind was working, active. Active. Wow, now there's something.




It was actually one of the other docs I worked with that changed my outlook in the medical field. He had thought I should further my career in the PA or NP fields. However, in my


marriage at the time, it wasn't possible. A definite NO was heard when the idea of furthering my education came up. But I always wanted or desired to pursue; and I did seek the PA training, and unfortunately at the time, the nearest school offering anything was Stonybrook. Too far for me. Oh, right . Then there was the NO from the bear at home. Truthfully, it was just as well, because I had Lexi, and she needed me more than I needed a career.


Another baby later, Cinderisa; and a new medical office brought on something entirely different for me. A whole new field of medicine, actually. Doctors, who, not only cared about their patients, but their staff. Which was a bit different than the tyrant I'd left - we had a crazy work relationship. I'd seen many girls come and go from that office, mostly crying. He craved chaos, literally. I would fight back; I guess it's my fighter instinct. But I finally had enough and left.


And at the time I'd been in this new practice for six months, I started to feel God telling me it was time to go home to be with my girls. I needed to be Mom. Just Mom. Nothing more, nothing less. When I brought that up with my husband, he was pretty adamant about me keeping my job.


And then, Lexi ended up with a broken leg at the sitters. And Marisa went into renal failure. I stayed on my job for the first week while she was in the hospital, being allowed to actually not go into work, but be with my daughter. And then, I had to quit. On my birthday, without asking my husband, I went into my supervisor; and I didn't even plan it out. They had already had a severance package ready for me. Hmmmmm. Imagine that.


It's amazing how perfect God's plans are when He puts them together. Now, of course my husband was less than happy. But as I saw it, I had two children; one who was multiply handicapped, with a broken leg. One in renal failure. As a Mom, my only choice really was to be just that - a Mom. And I have never looked back. I did exactly what my heart and my God asked of me. And my God provided.


I held the insurance for our family with my job. The severance package was this: my docs paid. in full. for the following three months. No kidding. Guess who got a better paying job that started WITH insurance on that third month? Yeah, him.


He got over being mad at me for a little while, he'd throw it in my face now and then. But I knew that I was needed at home. Just as any Mom out there knows when she is supposed to be raising her babies knows.







How, with a clear conscience, do you go to work the next day when your heart is telling you NO? Mine was telling me no. And I truly do understand that there are Mom's that cannot. I was not one of them. I was, and am fortunate to be able to be here for my children. I could not leave this child and look after sick patients. When I returned to the office to do so, the docs I worked for, asked me, "what are you doing here?" Like I was crazy. That was something I wasn't used to working for.




Two of them came to visit her. One of them being my favorite, the crochety scary one, who passed away just a few years ago. He tried to be so grumpy, but I looked at him like a Grandfatherly mentor. Yes, he was my favorite. I looked to the days to work with him. He was very interesting. I loved the way he interacted with his patients. And I would ask him to tell me of his own internship and how he became interested in medicine.

How was I supposed to leave her? I couldn't. I didn't. At that time, he and I thought we never would. We never dreamed we would be able to let her leave our sides of safety. Then puberty came and hit her, rather she hit me. But that's another story.



So memory once served me. In bits and pieces it comes back and plays tricks on me. The sad thing is this: I can't remember my anniversary date. I thought that Frank and I were married in May, but it appears we were married in June. I'm trying desperately to remember our date. I have been having to re-learn Christina's birthdate. My own daughter. That breaks my heart that I can't remember my daughter's date of her birth. It should be etched in stone along with my wedding date!



My girsl are asking me about things on a daily basis lately, and I just don't remember them happening. They are quite lengthy, especially when Marisa is telling of them. Nothing there for me in my mind. I do remember one neuro I saw telling me that memories will come and go. Some will never come back. There are some I'm waiting for.



I feel like a really unintelligent person. I don't remember things Frank tells, moments ago. Thankfully, I do write dates on the calendar; but there are things and spans of time that are just not there. Especially when my head pounds - time goes. I can't help my kids with their homework, because it's too difficult for me. That is hard to swallow.



There was a time when I was able to run my home and family. I am less than able now. My brain does not function at a normal level and it scares the crap out of me. It's not like I don't WANT it to, because I more than want my normal life back. I would love to be able to go to work again. My son will be in school a full day in September. My husband is in fear of losing his job because he is in the so-called "Big Three". That used to mean something. I wish I could help out financially, and I can't. I cannot even cook a meal for my family some nights. I have dust bunnies so big, they are considering moving, and I really wish they would.



What happened to the smart, functioning woman? I used to have some serious issues with OCD and I was a neat freak; and I still cringe at my own dirt,but it's not going away on it's own. I'm wondering how many others find themselves falling in this category. I certainly can't be the only one.



Oh, a little update on my visit with my doc; I have nothing left to try. NOTH. ING! So I get to go up 100mg on one of my current meds. I did lastnight. I woke this morning with a 7! Took 2 Toradol, and right now, I'm getting those little flashes of light and swirls thankyouverymuch. This after I got back out of bed with ice, again. And my mouth is numb. The good news is this: The infusion program will be up and running on the 19th. Goody gumdrops. So count me in for that. So someone please come up with something new because, quite frankly, I'm sick and tired of Migraine Disease!! Oh, I meant new drug, not new disease. I don't need that.

This really sucks - They are moving today! Good for them, bad for me. Best of luck to you guys. I am going to miss you soooooooo much. I love you all. Will so be praying for you.

Oh, I almost forgot, but unfortunately didn't. Imagine.. While getting on the elevator to leave the docs office yesterday, and i really can't believe I'm leaving you with this, but it's funny. First I must plant (funny word) the scenerio. In the lobby of the office is a snack shop. They have one of those hideous hotdog rolling machines that should, not only be banned from buildings, but obliterated from life in general. I have to walk in the building and elevator with my nose covered in my shirt or coat because the stench is unbearable. It just reaks of bad, burning hotdog. So, we get on the elevator, which stinks of said dogs. It's just me, Nick and Marisa. I had to, let one go. Ok. I let her rip. Like it was going to make any difference! Well, doesn't the stupid car stop on the next floor and pick up some guy. Naturally. So the door closes, and the mouth of Sir-Chat-A-Lot opens, "My Mom just tooted, you don't want to stand over there!"

He just looks at me and smiles. I smile back. What do you say? Thankfully the hotdogs saved the day. And that is what I leave you with

Update

I know, I know, you just couldn't wait! Hold your pants. Wait til you see these pics; I finally figured out, not only how to get them off Christina's camera, but where in my computer they went. WHY they can't just go to some local picture folder? I dunno! Stupid, I know. I'm just feelin freakin STUPID today! Not to mention, the floors in my house are not leaning the same way. Don't ask. If I turn left, they lean right. Hard right. Fast. No, wait, that would be migraine catching up with me again. No problem. I'm going to see my neuro on Friday. Yippee. Time for a little med change to make things all nicey nice. mmmmm rrrrrright. And for my next trick. Driving this afternoon. To the dentist. Looking forward to that treat. Actually, just a cleaning.

Right, the pics: Ok, this is my Dad. Goofy I know. The Catmawler took this.He's got a great big goofy grin on doesn't he! Hey, he's smiling because, not only is it his birthday, but his granddaughter is taking his picture. Yeah, notice the snow in the background? We still have lots of it. Yesterday it was so cold, (how cold was it?) the kids had no school! -20 wind chill factor, and the temp hit 2! The 2nd coldest day in March in recorded history. Like I wanted that info. Today, it's hit 15. It's almost spring already. Joy.Lil Miss Kayla. Oh and my Mom in the background. Poor Kayla wasn't feeling so hot either.

These are self-portraits of the Catmawler. Must be she had a hairball!! This weekend is Bosco's birthday. Catnip cupcakes for the kitty. Meowwwwwww man.

March Madness

And so begins the crazy month of March. Why crazy? Well, this handsome guy, glass of wine in hand, kicked the month off yesterday with the first birthday of what is known now in our family as "March Madness." Happy Birthday, Frankie!!! That man is almost 50! Salute. (I know, he IS old!)

That man back there, is my Dad! I know, but he didn't feel well, and that was the best pic I could get of him. He really didn't feel well. Today is his birthday. Greeen for Irish. Which he is, by the way. That's my Mom, her birthday is in October; so is Lexi's. The next birthday, tomorrow, is my neice Nicole, but she didn't make it. And I don't have a pic of her on my computer.

What kind of Mother would I be if I didn't include Bosco? He will be 2 on the 10th. I think there is much needed nip for the Bosco man in store for that day. Do you know he weighs 17 pounds already! He is a big boy. Big, but very scared of Ms. Nala, at a mere 5 pounds of evilness. I wonder if it's ok to put nip in cupcakes? Hmmmm. Anyone ever done that?

My birthday is next, on the 17th. Yep, St. Patty's day. I will receive too many shamrocks, but much to many that send them, I actually despise the sentiment. I think it's a tradition based more on drinking than anything else. I don't celebrate it. I prefer regular birthday cards. I'm kind of a less-is-more type of girl, I guess. Simple. This little cutie-patootie is Alyssa, my neice who is moving out of state next week.

Ok, next birthday is Jimmy and Jamie - the twins. Jamie is girl in first pic and her twin, guy in 2nd and 3rd pic. Their birthday is the 25th. They will be 29, same as me. Bill, Jamie's husband, also in the pic with her, will be celebratin his birthday on the 30th! The very beautiful girl in the pic with Jimmy is his girlfriend, Laura. And , no, thankfully, her birthday, is NOT in March.

This little munchkin is Jimmy's little girl, Kayla. Her birthday is in November, with Nicholas'. Oh, I almost forgot. If you watch Ultimate Fighting, look for Jim, he will be stupid crazy enough to enter the cage. God help him! Seriously.

Not only will we be celebrating this foolish things birthday on the 22nd, but Philip's is the 3rd. Of April. Unfortunately, he will still be in Iraq. Yeah, that is how Rocco sleeps.

Ok, wanna see something funny I did to my son? First, let me explain a few things. I hadn't been able to get him to Chris, the guy that typically buzzes him; as well, it's freaking cold out, blizzard, ice storms, you know the story, oh and I've been sick. Frank's been working a lot, too. So I took one look at Fuzzy one day and thought, "I can do this." Insert picture number one


yes, it appears as though he's all crying and protesting and all, but hey, he's six! He's just didn't like the SOUND of the clippers. So I said to him, kinda loudly, because the kid is screaming too loud you know, the clippers! "So do you still want that mohawk you've been asking about?"

Which is where he informed me he wanted to go see Chris. I didn't think I did all that bad, if he wanted to look like a redneck. By the end of the cut, he was neither angry, nor did he look all that bad:




And like Chris, he even got a lollipop. I think I'll even try it again today. Since they closed school AGAIN for frigid temps, and I have to wait for the heat man to come tell me why why WHY is there no heat in the upper level!!!!

Oh, I made a totally wonderful cake, sorry Mom. My Mom made cake for the party too. But nobody ate that one. My cake totally rocked. It is called, Better than Sex Cake. It is just too good for words. Here is the recipe;

Better-Than-Sex-Cake

One box German Choc Cake mix - prepare as directed

let cool for half hour, poke holes with wooden spoon while slightly warm.

l can sweetened condensed milk

l jar caramel topping

l container french vanilla coolwhip

crushed french toffee

dark chocolate

In sm bowl, mix together can of milk and only half of caramel

Pour over warm cake with holes

Sprinkle with some crushed toffee

Cover with coolwhip

Drizzle some caramel over coolwhip (mostly for prettiness)

Now shave dark chocolate over rest.

cover and chill til ready to serve.

OOH and AAH when you eat

OOOH I almost forgot!!! Guess who's on House tonight???? As a neuro patient? YEAHHHHHHHHH Dave Mattheew!! 9pm on Fox. I can't wait

There is No Rhyme and Reason to Migraine

Oh well oh well so here we stand,
But we stand for nothing
My heart calls to me in my sleep
How can I turn to it
'Cause I'm all locked up in this
Dark place -
And I do not know
I'm as good as dead
My head aches -
Warped and tied up I need to kill this pain
My head won't leave my head alone
And I don't believe it will
Until I'm dead and gone
My head won't leave my head alone
And I don't believe it will
Until I'm six feet underground
How long I'm tied up
My mind in knots -
My stomach reels
In concern for what I might do or
What I've done
It's got me living in fear
Dave Matthews Band


So the cryoprocedurething - yeah, it hurt. I didn't want the Versed because, well, it usually triggers another migraine, so I opted to stay awake during the procedure. And if I choose to go thru it again, I'll probably do it the same way. Call me crazy. It didn't last long, and it was probably helpful to be awake, as he was able to pinpoint the very spot that makes me go, "OW!" As he did, several times. OW OW OW So, now, I'm hoping it worked. So far, not so much. Still feeling a small hatchet bouncing it's way from the right to left of my head, so gracefully. NOT. OH, then there's the steel ball that finds it's way to my eyebrow. What is up with that? At least I have my new DMB to keep me company. Not the above lyrics, those are for the migraine. I wonder if maybe he had one when he wrote that song?

I bought tickets last year to a concert and had to sell them(due to illness, of course) to a friend, who enjoyed the show very much! We're hoping this year to see them together at SPAC! I have seen a very awesome tribute band of theirs, One Sweet World, and can't wait to see them again. They packed in the casino in town a few weeks ago. Very sweet. And, I lived to tell of it afterward. So perhaps, I can handle a big show. I am willing to try this year. Hey, I'm going for vaca this year.

So, I got nothin left

Just Shoot Me. No, really. Shoot Me already

The Prednisone - did nothing. Well, other than the acne it caused, it did nothing for the Migraine it was supposed to suppress. Tomorrow, I am scheduled for my cryoprocedure - you know, the big freeze. On the right side. We'll see how that goes.

The unfortunate thing is this; the new and improved, yeah, that's it! whatever. The new dilemma anyway, have been plaguing my left side. That is what nailed me yesterday. Rather, it was more like a hatchet. not even the "friendly" ice pick that usually gets me, no, this time it was a rusty and very cold hatchet. I could see it as it was coming into my skull; deeper and deeper down my face, slicing my eye socket. I'm still feeling the residual pain today. It's not as bad as yesterday. yet. But it's all still there. And I am so tense. From my shoulders up. No, pretty much everywhere. No sleep lastnight. I am spent. The pain is bouncing, as it was yesterday; back and forth, from the left side, back to the right. BANG. BANG. BANG. BANG.

And I know the procedure is always a bit of two-steps back, before I feel any progress; so do I go for it? Or cancel? Call my Neuro and get in for the IV meds now while I'm just ahead of the game? I can actually feel myself losing the control all over again. I feel the inside of my head swelling. The "pressure-like" feeling. Off balance. So, what to do.

The aura have been more than exciting and dramatic to watch. Ever-increasing with their intensity; which means the pain scale goes up. As it did yesterday. It's moving up right now. The flashing and jiggling are happening as I type this. It was about this time yesterday when it all unfolded on me. Here we go again. I can feel my stomach now, getting very uneasy; so the Zofran I took an hour ago was of no use. Gotta go

I hate the mall

Feeling a bit like a rabid cat, strung out on espresso, after a long night of hunting; yet being hunted itself by wolves. That about sums up my trip to the (hated) mall with my uterine deposites. I mean, my babies. No, today, they are going to be referred to as the UD's.

What had started as a pretty hellacious week; me being in the never-ending nightmare of migraine - yeah, again. Not to mention, dare I forget, the jack-hammering that accompanied my own fierce pounding - my house is, let's just say, less than perfect right now. I was feeling guilty for not being able to go anywhere with the UD's for both afore mentioned reasons. So I thought it would be a great day to head out the dreaded mall ( stupid, I know!) and spend the day there.

Yesterday, the plan was to see a movie and do a little, NOTE the word "LITTLE" shopping. And as you can probably guess, it just didn't turn out that way.

Cinderisa had it in her mind she wanted a certain pair/type, can we say UGLY style of shoe, and I was on the more "practicle" state of mind. So, we clashed. If you'll just scroll down to the pic of her on the first day of school, the one where she isn't smiling, but smirking - yeah, that's the face I had today. Precious.

After oh, I really don't remember how many stupid shoe stores we ventured into, I'd had enough of the face, the attitude, the stress. No freaking shoes! Forget it, we'll go to KMart, can you stand it????? another day.

Off to Claire's with the Catmawler and she was so easy. Almost too easy, as she hasn't been too much this week. Even Nick was blessed with a treat. A cute little McQueen necklace. he's jazzed.

The real fun was the toy store for him; he shops like me - indecisive. We were there too long. Before the stress really hit me, we actually had fun in Pottery Barn Kids. You know, even if I had the money to buy the cute kitchen appliances for the UD's, no, wait - what am I saying, I would SO buy the appliances. They are something sweet. I think I want to get a job there just so I can play with the cool toys. Rather, assist the other UD's that come into the store; show them how to appropriately utilize the INCREDIBLY EXPENSIVE STUFF MY KIDS WILL NEVER SEE!

So tonight, after they are ditched from a speeding minivan dropped off at their Dad's, Frankie and I are going to dinner with my sis and hubby. Hello crabcakes! Outback it is.

I just realized why I'm so freaking hyped up! FIVE DAYS OF PREDNISONE!!!!!!!! Feeling the need to scream. I actually said things to the UD's in the mall today that I normally don't say. Eew, scary. I probably looked like (oh boy), "one of those Mothers" . Oh well, deal with it! It's over.

So having a glass of wine tonight! hello Doobie Blues!!!! Gotta love NY wines.

Ciao all. have a great weekend.

Can You Say, Hammertime?

This is what is happening to me today. Yes. Me. Not only to my family room. But my head, yeah, we're feeling it, too baby!

My doc put me on Pred yesterday. Although it tastes pretty nasty, I'm game this time around. I'm hoping it works. I'm not sure right now with the added noise I'm experiencing how it's going to work.

It's really quite entertaining to have men, in the lower confines of your home, busting pipes and losing their sanity. I say, "entertaining" as my children, bless their little ears, are home this week. Since a few choice words have fled from their mouths, the kids just look at me with wide eyes and giggle. Ages, 6, 11 and 14.

Two years ago, two wonderful years ago, we had a nice quiet family room. The volkwagen (TV) was down there, games, books, cds, videos, all that stuff. Family Room was the title I gave it remember. And then came Spring. Up came the water level thru the nice warm berber carpet, and out of a family room was I. The volkswagen was moved up to my livingroom. (I'm currently hearing the boss downstairs screaming at his crew - very entertaining - this above the hammering.) Anyhoo, Philip and Ramesh ripped up the carpet and the insurance company, naturally, denied our claim. After much research, we are now, yeah, just now - my health took a turn for the worse and I became a priority - getting a french drain dug. Or blasted as it sounds. Hence, the jackhammer. Which has one cat in hiding, and Bosco, the retarded cat in plain site and under their feet. Not the brightest crayon in the box.

The dog is locked in my room, wanting desperately to rescue us from the noise. Not a chance! Frank has called to take me carpet shopping tonight. I'm game, hopefully. Although, right now, the sound is beginning to have a strange jarring effect on me. It is making me feel as though it's inside my skull. This is just so not good on so many levels.

On a bittersweet note; my baby sis had good news today. They are moving. And though I am so very happy for them, I am also very sad at the same time. Because I will miss them dreadfully. Her husband was offered a DM job in KY, so this is a great step up for them. How cute are they? By the way, Bosco stays here, Jam! But you're welcome to take Rocco. I won't tell Frank.

So I'm off to take some more meds. Time to soothe my head. Here's hoping.

ouch

Day 4.



Not much sleep again lastnight. Mostly the pretty, swirling paisley aura. I really must paint them. First, they are grey; in the form of a rectangle. Going around the rectangle; swirling around it. Then they flash a brilliant blue like a bolt of lightning. Fast. Quick. Not quite seeing it at first. Just a dot here and there. A pen-dot. As they come, each time, they grow bigger. Swirling faster. They begin to make a "Zigging" sound. A very fast sound. I wonder if I'm really hearing it. It jolts my body when I do. So, yeah, I suppose I'm hearing it.



I've put a call in to my doc; not sure what he's going to prescribe. Fortunately, it's been months since I've been this sick. Since I've had to be hospitalized. No, not that! I can feel myself starting to slip away, and it scares me. On the plus side, it's been a great ride. I have had a wonderful time with my husband and kids. We are actually planning to take our vacation this year. Doesn't that just figure. We didn't go last year because of me. No, because of Migraine. We didn't go because of my illness. But we are planning on the trip this year. We WILL go! I will not let them down again this year. We will feel the sand in our toes. Meet up with our friends in Virginia. And I will hope to see my friend Dave there this year! Oh please oh please oh please!!!!! be there this year when we go!



Yes, we will be taking our vaca no matter what. I hate this freaking disease!! I'm sick of it robbing my body of life. Not this time. Not again. This is where we will be standing in July!

Buried. Alive.

I sent an email to a friend last week asking her, "Got snow?" And then we got this. This is a picture of Nicholas, on a chair, looking out over the snow on the back deck. On. a. chair. ON. A. CHAIR!












This is where we let Rockhead out to go to poop hill. Waay out there in the distance. But the snow is too deep for him to get thru. The tracks are not from him, oh no, no no NO!! Those are mine. I trudged myself up the stairs to the deck to rake the roof. Houston, we have a very big problem! Ice and snow is building up on the roof in major proportions. I hate WINTER!










When you open the front door, again, this is all you see. More white....... stuff. It took three times to get it down. Three times for me and Cinderisa to get it shoveled to look like this. We still can't get mail delivered to the box out front. Why? Because the plow keeps burying it with more SNOW!!!

This is what it looks like from the driveway! Oh sure it's pretty, but just try removing the stuff from the car and sidewalk 2-3 times a day! Not to mention the roof. We can't see around the snowbank to get out of the driveway.

It just keeps piling up and piling up. The kids had 2 snow days this week; but I kept them home on Thursday, because it was terrible out. I think we totaled almost 3 feet in the past 3 days. Not as bad as Mexico getting 10, but still crazy!

It is very beautiful on the pine trees! ONLY on the pine trees.

OK, now it can all go away! The storm has brought on a whole new front to my migraine storm. Lastnight I was hit by a train-like migraine out of nowhere! It's preety much been like this all week. Ice picks, aura, tingling in the tongue and mouth. Back to the round of abortives for a few days. Hoping it will work its magic. Praying it will just leave me alone.

I was unable to get myself logged into my site for days; and Frank finally figured it out for me. My hero! For now, it's back to resting my head. So much to blog about!!!! Emily, when One Sweet World comes your way, you owe it to yourself to go see them!! They were totally awesome!

Storms All Around

The weather here totally freaking sucks! Plain and simple. School was closed. Winds were high. Farenheit was near zero. Now, we are experiencing the Lake Effect snow. We could get up to 8 inches. of. snow. tonight.

Poor Frank pulled his back at work on Friday. He's in pain. Today, I had to take him in to see the doc; and while we were there, sitting forever, I noticed it suddenly getting darker in the waiting room. So I asked him if he noticed it too. Cause I thought it was pretty weird. But he didn't.

I should have known. Actually, the thought had crossed my mind, but I ignored it. Then the tingly feeling across my face, and in my eye the shooting pain. Oh, yeah, here we go. And then, it started to brighten up. So I thought, maybe I was in the clear.

He was called into a room; and as she was taking his vitals, I suddenly felt the shooting pain, the ice pick again. But this time, it was different. This time it hit my left side. I typically get them on the right. And I have had Migraines on the left, but not the ice pick. This one was knocking me dizzy and off-balance, and just plain off my center of me. And naturally, Frank noticed it, because I had that dazed and confused look about me. All of a sudden, the focus was no longer on the patient, but me. I really just wanted my abortive and water. They were very kind, but seriously, what could they do?

Frank will be getting some much-needed PT for his back, and right now is feeling slightly better.

I have been feeling gross all stinking day!! I'm not so sure the block did much good either. I think this freezing, frigid arctic blast of crazy cold is really making matters much worse. So long mascara, because, I just gotta say, it's not tear-proof. I have been just tearing crazy today.

I'm going to bed!

Sometimes You Have to PIC Your Battles. (ha ha ha ha!!!)

Ah, yes. My first victim case in point: Cinderisa, not your average Princess.

Once upon a time, there was a Princess named Cinderisa. Cinderisa was the most outgoing and fun-loving, (bear with me here, try NOT to look at the pic) of her peers. She had a radiant smile and her laughter filled the hallways of our castle home.

But not on this day. For this was the First Day of School, and the Queen needed to get her pic before she left the safety of the chambers castle

QUEEN: "Smile for Mommy, Cinderisa! You're wearing a dress and everything. You look like a girl!

CINDERISA: "Mom, you're such a jerk! I don't want my stupid picture taken!

(FLASH- that is where above photo was taken)

QUEEN: "If you don't smile and let me get a good one, I'll be forced to drive you to school in my pajamas. And take pics of your friends with you. You'll be the only one not smiling and.......

(she cuts me off quickly)

CINDERISA: "Fine just get it over with!"


That is so much better isn't it. Even if she was faking it. How they learn at such a young age. Moving on to my next crisis case.

Yes, I know, I know. She is smiling here. She was quite pleased with herself; thrilled how the colors all worked so well together. But as I sat there inspecting her, I noticed her apprehension in showing me her backside. Hmmmmm



QUEEN: "Ok, Catmawler (OH, insert sound of screaming and hissing cats when you see her name. You'll get it later), give mama a little spin. K


CATMAWLER: "Well, my shirt is hiding it.



QUEEN: "Define IT" for me please. Just turn around"


(now she is becoming rather, defensive. Picture a fluffy tail getting full, if you will)


CATMAWLER: "Mom, I don't know what happened, but I swear they fit when I tried them on, and now the stupid things won't zip all the way!" (she is now heavily irritated, blaming the stupid pants for suddenly getting smaller in a weeks time.)


QUEEN: "Ok, just go put the other pants on, and we'll take them back, no big deal." (that's what I think!!)


CATMAWLER: (major hissing at this point ) "Well, I don't see why I can't just wear them today! (----> me pointing to her room) It's not (all together now) FAIR!!! If you let me wear them, I promise I won't get them dirty."


QUEEN: "Chris, they look terrible. Do I have to explain the bathing suit thing to you again."


To which she bolts to her room, loudly, very loudly, and slams her door. And comes out like this:

Hey, I didn't pick out the clothes! By the way, other than the stupid saying on the shirt, it was a great outfit! I recently recycled that shirt, like as in this week. Now it's 2lost 2ever be found! hahahahah. That made her hiss too.


Nicholas, on the other hand, he wasn't at all concerned about what he wore! Nope, little boy genious just wanted to get on the bus! He was having a ball getting lots of pics taken for school, as I was trying to keep him from getting dirty while he ran.

I realize the pics are a tad outdated, but some of them I just took in for developing. Yeah, I looked in the camera and there was a roll of film. And for the rest I'm just starting to have fun with my new digital toy. Which brings me to this:

I'm still learning. This was his Halloween costume. Can you guess what he was? I posted it back in oh, probably October. He wanted to be a piece of cinnamon toast. So we made him one together. Oh, I took the pic yesterday. We can now recycle the toast.

Take a guess at who the Beast was:

He was none other than Shrek. This was the last of the film, so we didn't get a very good pic. He made an excellent Ogre. He pretty much had the scent down, too.




The goon squad. These two little sweeties were making birthday cards for Nonno. This is Ms. Vanessa. Ain't she purdy!!


And the last two pics are of Hyrup. Just after Bosco's first little escapade into his tank. Which, he still tries to get into on a daily basis. I just had a thought!! I wonder if it has anything to do with catnip OD he had when he first came here!



No joke! I went to the grocery store, got a bag of nip; and as I was doing the usual in-and-out trips carrying the luggage in, on my final trip, I noticed one of the bags had been knocked off the table. Weird. Rockhead was still in his crate. Nala was too small, and never got on the table. I hadn't given Bosco a thought. I go about the business of putting the hordes of food away, and notice this trail of green leaving the kitchen. So I follow it, with a huge ? in my head. Seriously not knowing where it may have come from. I go to the end of the line, and there is Bosco, bag of catnip tore open, all over the living room and he is just rolling in the stuff! Not to mentioned, covered in it.


I took the remainder of the bag and put it in the drawer of the sofa table. I thought he couldn't possibly get it there. Later that day, I notice another trail, and the bag. Again. So now I blame the kids, of course. The cat isn't able to open the drawer. Opposable thumbs. Naturally it was Ididn'tdoit's fault. But I couldn't seem to locate him.


That night, after the very little remains of the stuff were back in the drawer, I watched as he went to the table, and from under the drawer, shoved his paw in and grabbed out the bag. If I hadn't seen it myself, I never would've believed it. This cat was hooked and not to mention, he was so totally stoned.

So I ask, could his rather slow abilities be from his insane hunger for nip early on? Did it interfere with his brain development? I think the possibility is a good one. Or a bad one, depending on how you look at it. He is very young, will be celebrating his 2nd birthday next month. Hmm, should we get him some nip?? He hasn't had any since then. You know, I do have to get groceries today........